It’s a rare occasion when I get to drag someone along to a happy little memory of when I was growing up. I think one of my favorite things to do as a kid and as a teen was go to all the independent pet stores that were out there, running like it was the Wild West. Some were absolute dumps, literally run out of trailers and stinking to high heaven, but others were goddamn treasures and all of them brought with them the opportunity to see some crazy animals. Colors and morphs of common pets that were out of this world as well as critters you would normally see at a zoo. And there always seemed to be surprise grab bag, an abandoned animal being rehomed that the shopkeeper didn’t exactly know what it was. You want a lizard? Cool, here’s a lizard! Bird? We got you. This one seems nocturnal?? Thirty-foot-long snake? Oh, God, it’s heavy. And might be a literal anaconda.

This pastime has mostly been crushed by the arrival of PetCo, PetSmart, online retailers, and increasingly harsh animal laws and outright bans. One of the few places that has still survived and is in great standing is Zoo Creatures. It’s a reptile-centric center which I have had on my bucket list for a few years now. It seems to be the brick and mortal base for a much larger operation of reptile breeding, distribution, and outreach. That part of it is called NERD and they do reptile shows both on and off the property. I’ve encountered them over the years at schools, county fairs, and cons. They also do private events like birthday parties and whatnot I’ve just never been cool enough to be invited to one of those.

Still, the shop is a great way to at least see a lot of these critters and buy fun stuff for your own critters. They even have a petting zoo outside where a number of obese goats vie for your attention. And food. Just inside the door they have a whole rack filled with baby frogs of various kinds, scorpions, isopods, and millipedes. No tarantulas on this day but I would expect to see them here too. I wanted to bring the giant millipede home. Fucking love those things and they’re hard to find these days since imports have stopped and they must be bred here (which I guess must be a pain because there isn’t enough supply to meet demand, or at least there wasn’t when I was looking.) The frogs were also after my heart but they’re hard to keep alive unless you have the perfect environment. Above them were a couple very bright snakes cuddled on individual tree branches. Very pretty!

For the most part this looked like a normal pet store but just around the corner is when things got interesting. We entered the reptile room. There were rows of habitats and containers. Lots of strange morphs in the containers and some animals on display in the habitats that were a little unusual. Rock iguanas, frilled lizards, a snake that looked like a vine, and some bigger snakes. And randomly a big constrictor snake in a bubble bath. It seemed to be enjoying it, though I’m not honestly sure what the bubbles were for. Maybe it was a dirty snake…

From there we found the venom room… which was filled with huge venomous snakes. One of them was the biggest Timber Rattlesnake I have ever seen in my life. I didn’t even know they got that big! Which is concerning as Timber Rattlesnakes are the only venomous snake (capable of killing people) native to New England. They live in the mountains and luckily through all my hiking I’ve never encountered a wild specimen as they are endangered. There were cobras and spitting cobras also in this room and as I cautiously made my way to the back I heard a familiar SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHK! It was the angry rattle of a rattlesnake. An albino (?) rattlesnake on the bottom cage took offense to me walking by and let me know it. It slithered up the glass in a sidewinding sort of way as it shook its tail. The primitive monkey part of my brain was screaming DANGER! DANGER! but the other part of my brain that thrives on adrenaline just soaked up the moment. I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie, even though no one who knows me would say this, it’s just because it’s very specific. I feel most alive when I’m around animals I know can and will kill me given the chance. Something I learned as a kid while wrestling a pit bull who got tired of my bullshit and pinned me to the floor with its paws and just hung over me, inches from my face, it’s breath hot on my neck. It’s a good thing I did not grow up in Florida because as a kid I LOVED reptiles and am pretty sure if I could have gotten a job catching dangerous ones or milking snakes I would have taken it at that time – back when I had the reflexes of a cat and the joints of youth. SIGH.

My companion came over to ask what the noise was and the snake responded to him in the same way. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHK! Cranky little beastie. He put on such a show I almost missed the Gila monsters cuddling in the corner and the GIBOON VIPER in another bottom cage. I’d heard about them so many times… people keeping them, them getting out, animal control being WAY out of their depth in capturing and or dispatching them. I had no idea they grew so big! And were so… beautiful. Though I still think it’s a really dumb idea to have a venomous snake as a pet and you shouldn’t I could at least start to see the appeal. This snake was colorful, animated, and had weird little horns. I should note here the venom room is basically a gimmick to get people in the door. They do not sell these dangerous animals; they just put them on display.

Beyond the venom room there were the turtles and that’s where my companion fell apart. They had a very large soft-shelled turtle who seemed very intent on seeing what we were up to and he was so cute! We hung around with him for quite a while because he was so endearing. Above him were what I’m guessing were a few of his children? And behind him were two massive snakes. This is what I was hoping to show my companion as in previous occasions he seemed wowed by much smaller big snakes. I wanted him to see the ones I was impressed with all those years ago… and these two were very decent! Not the biggest I’ve ever seen (that would have been a green anaconda) but still right up there. One of them was even one of those black rainbow snakes that shimmer like a puddle of oil. I took a photo but the lack of natural sunlight didn’t make the shimmer obvious.

From here we went into the fish room not expecting much. Indeed fishwise there was little to look at buuuut there was an enormous alligator snapper and he was perched on two feet peering over the top of his enclosure. He seemed so…. intent, so intelligent. Almost cute. I cooed at him. “Sorry, I don’t have anything for you, not even any human hands.” He was big enough to snap one right off. My travel companion was enamored. It was like meeting a goddamn dinosaur. And his feet! Dear god! They were huge! and the claws! This was definitely the highlight of the day.

I asked my companion if this was worth the 2+ hour drive and he said, “Hell yeah! I saw more animals here than at all the zoos we’ve been to!” I’ll leave that as testament to how cool this place was. Someday when I have a home of my own… I’m coming back, maybe for a millipede, maybe for some frogs, maybe for one of them turtles. Hard to say. Though I do really miss having weird pets. SIGH.