Discovering the weird and whimsical sites of New England
Author: Theophanes Avery
Theophanes Avery is a whimsical travel blogger that is hopelessly in love with New England and all it's weird places, people, and things. Besides running way too many blogs they are the author of three books, at least one of them good, and they also enjoy raising aquarium fish in Walsted tanks, sculpting, Sharpie doodling, knitting, tattooing leather, homesteading, and whatever other hobby tickles their raging ADD. Less fortunately they are a hopelessly impoverished spoonie yelling to the world, "WE NEED MORE COMMUNITY!" but alas no one's listening. Make sure to find them on the FaceBook. They love new oddball friends. Fly the freak flag high my darlings!
Right behind the Bass Pro Shop there was another tiny parking lot attached to a cute little half mile trail. We decided to go see what it was and I must say – for being in Boston, a Metropolitain city, I was impressed! Yes, it was short, but it did amble over a little pond guarded by a 40-pound murder duck, er, swan, and then wound us around a sweet little cranberry bog. They’d only planted it a few weeks ago so these were early days. I’d never been to a cranberry bog in spring so this was fun for me.
I took photos with my camera but summarily lost them so these are all cell phone photos. It’s been that kind of a week for me. But anyway… the trail was short, sweet, and had a bunch of informative plaques around it talking about cranberries, their history and harvest. I actually learned quite a bit reading them!
So yeah, if you happen to have kids as your spouse is wandering the shop looking for something shooty or stabby this is definitely a good way to keep everyone entertained! More shops should have random educational trails behind them.
Since we were practically right next door to Bass Pro Shop while attending the food show we decided to stop by afterwards. This place was HUGE. Everything you could possibly want for camping, fishing, hunting, and what-have-you. All surrounded on all sides by impressively realistic looking taxidermy. And a life size whale floating down from the ceiling. Why? No idea. I thought whaling was illegal in these parts. Maybe a wink and a nod to local history.
In any event I enjoyed creeping through the cast iron aisle and daydreaming about having a four-wheeler with an attached snowplow. I wonder if they work well… And of course, there was fun to be had looking at the giant tank of edible fish. (I don’t know how else to word that. I’m not big on fishing.) As well as a swarm of delightful turtles, one of which was precariously positioned atop another like Yurtle the Turtle, all four feet just dangling in the air, helplessly stuck, the turtle below it just ignoring the situation, probably trying to teach the other one a lesson. It was an entertaining moment.
Anyway… if you happen to live in or near Boston and need to buy a bunch of camping, fishing, or hunting supplies this place is pretty much it. They also had paint guns for some reason.
It’s not often I am invited to food conventions, in fact this would be the first and likely last time but that’s what life is about – taking opportunities to do new things! And try new foods! This one was technically for restaurant owners and those that work in said restaurants to pick companies to buy large amounts of food off of. I am not said people but luckily I’m lovable and no one asked.
The convention was at Gilette Stadium which I have driven past many times but I don’t believe I have ever visited. Even though it was in a huge stadium I didn’t really think it’d have a lot of people. I was wrong. This place was packed! We were greeted at the door by someone my companion knew and I was asked my name as a customary introduction. In a state of sudden overwhelm I forgot what it was. This was largely how the rest of the afternoon went. I was already a little concerned because I was having a hormonal day where my body thought it’d be hilarious to make random smells I normally like so repulsive I could puke on spot like a pregnant woman. I’m not pregnant, my body just hates me.
That being said it was lovely. First, we saw the produce section full of fruits, greens, and mushrooms of all sorts. Really beautiful. I paused to look at a bushel of apples to see if they were Pink Ladies but they were Honeycrisps, which are also good. I was told to take one. What? They’re samples. How is an apple a sample? I threw one in my free reusable bag that they gave me at the door.
I also tried dragon fruit! That did look like a sample as they were tiny sliver sized pieces impaled on toothpicks. I was disappointed. Tasted like a mild kiwi but without the tingling sensation (which I’m told in adulthood is probably a sign I’m allergic to kiwi.)
We wandered on to the real food. My companion found a bowl of peppermint suckers and gave one to me just in case knowing I am prone to nausea and sucking on peppermints usually really helps. That’s how you know you’re loved. From here we started trying all the samples – some tacos, lemonade, and lobster bisque. I gravitated towards anything bread and or cheese to appease my peasant ancestry. And the seafood! Which I am not normally that keen but my tastes have been changing a lot in the past few years. My favorite though was a bite of duck that tasted exactly like my slow grown roosters back when I was on the farm. I was not expecting that! It gave me an intense pang of nostalgia. Someday. Someday I will be back on a piece of land with some birds.
At this point I decided to really tempt fate by trying some sort of clam and cream cheese spread. That was intense. Funny enough it wasn’t bad but my body was insistent it was poison and swallowing it proved difficult. I probably made some faces. We wandered around some more trying to find some water to drink but all the free water was fresh out. I managed to get a cup at the bar but by this time I was having a hard time drinking it – which was a bad sign. Suggestive of I wasn’t just overheated but actively so and getting worse. I was unable to eat anything after this though I did force the water down.
My companions had eaten their fill after three rounds and I had to pass on what was supposed to be the best ice cream because my stomach was officially turned off from heat exhaustion. I considered taking a time out in the bathroom, but everyone was getting hot and overstuffed, and we were heading back to the car anyway.
All and all we spent more than two hours there, ate until we nearly exploded, and had a lot of fun in the process. Taking photos with no people in the way was near impossible but I did try. All and all, despite getting sick this was a positive experience.
When we drove into the Berkshires, before we even got to any of our destinations, we ended up driving by the most gorgeous mountain summit and I promised on our way back home I’d stop so we could take a gander, and just by chance we timed it just right. We arrived about 20 minutes before sunset and I asked my companions if they’d be willing to wait to see the sun descend from the sky and continue behind the mountain. Everyone agreed.
So we settled in to wait. As we did so we explored the area – several little look outs, some cabins which weren’t opened yet, a sugar house… and we weren’t the only ones waiting for the sunset as three other cars showed up just for that. Good thing my phone’s weather app told me exactly how long we’d be waiting. We played with the light as it shone through a bunch of fuzzy pussy willows and when the moment came the sun started to hide behind the mountain it was so goddamn pretty. The light just changed over everything and the scenery was so much to behold. We were all really happy to have stayed.
I wish my camera was as impressed as I was but apparently the settings were off and my photos were… unimpressive. I did take a small video but this was even less impressive so I have asked for a few snaps from my companions… because their phones did a better job. In any event even though this was completely unplanned it was SO WORTH THE TRIP!!
After all was said and done we continued down the mountain towards home… and got distracted twice before reaching the bottom, stopping off to check out this memorial to indigenous Americans and the founding of the Elks lodge. My inner twelve-year-old had to point out the elk was anatomically correct. But in all seriousness these two last stops were a lot of fun and the perfect way to end a very full day!
Since we were already in Adams MA my phone told me that was only 12 and a half miles away from Bennington Vermont which I surmise is the cutest goddamn town in New England and I kinda wanted to share my joy in it – maybe hit one of their galleries. There was also a fish store here. Or so that’s what Google claimed. So off we went!
The fish store address just brought me to a random house in a very residential neighborhood. Now, I know fish stores are frequently run out of people’s basements but this place didn’t even have the traditional half-assed plywood sign. Nothing. I was content to leave this one alone, not wanting to become the next missing person disappeared from the Bennington Triangle. But my companion wanted to know more and called the number. An answering machine answered and he promptly hung up.
We went back to town to go play with some of the wildlife statues. Every year they’re different, done up by local artists, and auctioned off at the end of the season. On previous trips I’d seen moose and bears but this year was catamounts – what the locals call cougars. Officially speaking cougars have been extinct in New England since we hunted them all over 100 years ago but that’s not to say their memory doesn’t still linger or that chance individuals don’t still show up in Maine after wandering down from Canada. It’s always been an interesting prospect to me. And the statues? ADORABLE.
Lucky for me my companions also loved the catamounts as we found two walking. We tried to find more but online sources are evasive about the Catamount Prowl and it was getting late. We needed food in our bellies, the Prius needed a long-deserved drink from hauling ass up the mountains, and a bathroom was also in order. So, we tried the local pizza parlor which was sufficient. And a sketchy-ass gas station which was a bit odd considering the general adorableness of the rest of the area.
Onto another antique shop! This place was typical of a main street antique place in that it was small and orderly. We walked in and were greeted with a $300+ cast iron dutch oven and a very ornate wood stove. There was also THE SADDEST AND CREEPIEST CLOWN and a doll with glowing red eyes for no apparent reason?!
But really we were most enamored by the coins. So. Many. Coins. My travel companions were ahead of me and poking at some confederate coins when the shop keep lit up and gave us all an impromptu history lesson.
“You want to see something you’ve never seen before?”
“YEAH!”
He pulled out a note from his pocket that stated it was worth a 20-dollar gold coin. And he showed us the coin that someone could have traded it for. And then said how worthless it was at the time due to wartime inflation. Very cool.
We chatted a little bit. I think he was hoping we were monied folks but we are not. Though we did stop to look at the Nazi occupied country coins, which were interesting in their own way. It never really occurred to me the currency changes in occupied countries. I guess because I never had to think about it.
In the back we found a bottle labelled Boyes Oil and I cracked a joke. And continue to do so. Did you try the Boyes Oil? I found a bunny cake pan that looked like it did. DAMN was that the most ripped bunny I’ve ever seen. Why did it have the muscles of a bull?! What a terrifying Easter someone must have had.
Anyway it was a cute little shop, with a lovely staff and lots and lots of coins if that is your thing. Or bottles. Some of those bottles were super unique. One even had a Halloween cat stretched across it shaped into the glass.
Trying to get the almost visual ick vibes off us from Pete’s Gun Shop we continued our little jaunt down the street and found another cool shop window. This one had a dragon in it and it was in a flying stance, much better than the flattened tiger whose side we just left. This appeared to be a game store, quite a large one.
As we entered there was all sorts of board and card games, some which my travel companions hadn’t ever seen before and that’s saying something! There were also DVDs a mountain of manga and anime and old Nintendo cartridges. One was the Ninja Turtles and that made me melt a little. We had the original Nintendo when I was knee high to a grasshopper. But we were poor and only had three games for it – the Super Mario that came with it, Ninja Turtles which no one in my household could beat, and Dragon Warrior which like three people remember. It was kind of a sweet memory. Nearby there was also an old Sega Genesis which is where my own interest in video games ended. Goddamn hedgehog.
But I was most impressed with the back where there were numerous tables and people playing games. On this day I seemed to be two Dungeons and Dragons campaigns but they also had board games to try out. This all seemed so very social. Since I’m all for community this is what endeared me most to this place. Later one of my travel companions would note there were no women in there and I shrugged. There almost never is in game shops. I have gotten used to this as I play with the novelty socks.
Anyway, this place was cute! Great variety and what a lovely community vibe. Five Super Mario Stars.
Already in a delightful mood I passed by this gun shop, plant in hand from The Plant Connection. That’s when this tiger rug in the shop window caught my eye. I’d seen them in so many cartoons but never in real life! How morbid! Even more so the pith helmet placed on it as if the tiger slew some eccentric rich British guy from back in the day and his buddies took the pelt in a bloody revenge ritual!
One of my travel companions thought there might be something cool to poke at in this shop so although I had my reservations, we all went in. And immediately regretted it. It was so tense you could slice the air. Here I was, a mere woman, and my other companion feeling like this might not be the best establishment for a person of color like himself, and the travel companion who started this who lamented later the place had “intense INCEL vibes.”
The men at the counter stared at us so intensely I wouldn’t be surprised if he developed X-ray vision. And the cherry on top of the cake? Literally everything interesting you could find in this shop were in the window. The rest? Boring.
We all left having not even the chance to see some good stabby things (knives) as I guess this was really and truly just a gun shop. We all took a big breath as we got outside and compared notes. Did anyone else feel severely unwelcomed? Oh yes, all of us. ALL. OF. US. Though we did get a good laugh afterwards, my melanin-blessed companion saying maybe the dude thought I was a race traitor. Loooord, I hadn’t even gone in that direction with it! I laughed at the absurdity of this in this day and age. This place made me feel like I needed a bath.
Do I recommend this place? No. No, I fucking don’t. Unless you’re an old white dude. Or possibly a young white dude with a chip on your shoulder you can see from space. Maybe then. Just maybe.
As we were walking away from the Berkshire Emporium we happened upon this sweet little plant shop and it looked so inviting so we stepped in for a moment. I’ve been to plenty of plant stores but those were mostly focused on plants you’d keep in your garden or yard, this place was a little house plant store and it was so well lit and maintained! In the far corner there was even a potting station if you decided to get both a plant and pot.
Although it was small I was impressed with the variety. There were a bunch of plants here I had never seen before, many of which were delightfully bizarre either in form, name, or both. I had bee-lined to the succulents because they are by far my favorites. I giggled like a twelve-year-old at the booby cactus that was apparently named because of its many tits. Impressive.
Here in the succulent section both myself and one of my two travel companions for the day spotted a little gem at the exact same moment – a series of pots containing living stones. Neither one of us had ever seen one in person. There were green ones and brown ones and I egged my companion on to buy one and I the other so we could mix and match both colors. This turned out not happening but only because he decided to buy his a pot. Mine went home to find a more suitable enclosure in something I already owned.
The ambiance of this place was so peaceful and the woman working the counter was very sweet. I went home very happy, hoping my living stones would find a window full of Christmas cactus sufficient company. Definitely would recommend this place to anyone looking for a house plant.
I rarely need reason to go back to the Berkshires, a gorgeous portion of New England that I have scarcely gotten a chance to poke at (mostly because it’s so damn hard to get to.) No worries the four-hour drive was still worth it, well worth it!
We started at the Berkshire Emporium, our plotted out starting point. From the descriptions online it looked big which is always a plus when you are making a day of it. And I have to say getting there was just as much of an adventure. The scenery was out of this world as we drove a grumpy Prius through the mountains!
When we eventually got to the cute little town of North Adams we found the Berkshire Emporium without any troubles in part due to their greeter – who happened to be a velociraptor standing in front of a basket of props you could put in its mouth, or in its talons, or the top of its head if you wished. Just inside the door there was a little mini bakery cafe which was decorated with lots more dinosaurs, some were featured in portraits done by a local artist! There were also cookies. Big ones. I nearly fell to temptation but beyond that delicious distraction was the antique store…
Of course the emporium was another winding maze of absolutely random things. One of the first things we came across was Bigfoot in all his glory. Or rather a costume of Bigfoot chilling in a big room with The Bumble…. which I’ve been calling the Abominable Snowman for like… 38 years… my bad. The next room to them had all kinds of cool instruments and an old off-key music box which played Farmer in the Dell in the same way a horror movie might. In fact this place seemed wonderful inspiration for such a venture as I also found the creepiest box of antiquated plushies, some Halloween memorabilia, a flying monkey, and a number of disquieting art pieces made from melted sneakers poured over manikins and clothes. Quirky.
We had a lot of fun at this place but it wasn’t quite as big as we’d anticipated and we didn’t spend too terribly long, though we did take a moment to give the velociraptor a fish. It only seemed right. From here we’d do some ambling to see what other trouble we could get ourselves into.
