Author: Theophanes Avery

Theophanes Avery is a whimsical travel blogger that is hopelessly in love with New England and all it's weird places, people, and things. Besides running way too many blogs they are the author of three books, at least one of them good, and they also enjoy raising aquarium fish in Walsted tanks, sculpting, Sharpie doodling, knitting, tattooing leather, homesteading, and whatever other hobby tickles their raging ADD. Less fortunately they are a hopelessly impoverished spoonie yelling to the world, "WE NEED MORE COMMUNITY!" but alas no one's listening. Make sure to find them on the FaceBook. They love new oddball friends. Fly the freak flag high my darlings!

Bangor Antique Marketplace – Bangor Maine

The Bangor Antique Marketplace was what you’d expect with such a title – a large antique mall with lots of vendors and variety. I was particularly thrilled with their vast collection of wall art depicting seemingly haunted Victorian children and one photo portrait of what was clearly a Civil War orphan carrying his pa’s hat. You know, the sort of thing you hang up if you want a poltergeist..

Most of it was pretty standard fair but we did find a few cool things. One was a hand-pump vacuum?? The specifics of which confused me to no end but I guess vacuums predated electricity in every home?? It looked like a butter churn with a sucking attachment! We also found the weirdest “spice rack” I have ever seen in the shape of a 1950’s poodle mama and six pups. A few racist artifacts were spread about in the usual manner including a mammie doll that also doubled as a broom because why not? Funny enough since I have started going around to all these antiques stores pointing out these less than welcoming items I have noticed a lot less of them being blatantly visible. Are these two things connected? I couldn’t tell you, but I sometimes like to think I do have some effect on the world with my joyful chaos even though it was never my intent to make these things go away. I’m not sure I have an intent.

On the other hand there’s no shortage of terrifying clowns and haunted dolls and I would have it no other way. And this place had at least one vendor with some really instruments – mostly banjos, but weird ones.

I ended up buying a brand-new book that was at the door and clearly written by one of the cashiers. It had big glossy photos of creepy dolls taking an ocean hiatus juxtaposed next to some home-grown poetry. OUCH. Hit me where it hurts, I couldn’t leave it behind. I HAVE to support this sort of whimsical strangeness. An independent author and photographer after my own heart. I should have had her sign it! She was super pleased (and halfway shocked) I walked out with it. Maybe I was the only one… but you guys, you have to support independent authors and artists. You just have to. (And if you want to support this particular author the book was called Sea Witch; Photographs, Poems and Forget-me-Nots From a Mainer Growing Up by Kristie Billings.)

Of course, you could also do that by going through their shop and finding something nice for yourself. There was plenty to choose from! Well worth the visit!

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Wiscasset Antiques Mall – Wiscasset Maine

This was another big one that took quite some time to get through. When we walked in my attention immediately gravitated towards a little plastic encased booklet reading, “Little Known Facts About Bundling in the New World.” For those of you that don’t know in the early days of our country it was customary to only have one giant bed per family, especially in the winter when body heat was a good resource to have! Men and boys slept to one side, women and girls slept on another, and directly in the middle would be a bundling board – or a little wooden fence-like thing keeping the two groups seperate. Interestingly enough courting teenage couples were allowed to sleep in the same bed in these days, in the very middle, with the bundling board in between them and their parents right behind them. I’m sure that wasn’t weird at all. Also how were babies made with this arrangement?! There seemed to be an awfully lot of them…

ANYWAY, now that I am past that disturbing little distraction I will go back to telling you about the antique store. It was another Byzantine place with all sorts of nooks and corners, a ton of vendors, and just about something for everyone. I was particularly intrigued by a series of old newspapers saved detailing big events – Elvis Presley’s Death, the assassination of Kennedy, and the Son of Sam trial. And wow, so many puppets! All of different kinds! And the weird books… I could have dropped a lot of money on weird books but I was running low at this point. They even had one with absolutely horrible misogynistic boomer humor that was beyond cringe. Even more alarming they had an official notary press for sale…. and it worked… I’m sure no ne’er-do-well will find it and use it for anything mischievous…

All and all this place was large enough yo recommend travel to pick through or if you happen to be in the area its definitely worth a visit!

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Route 1A Relics – Ellsworth Maine

Sometimes you find the best things while trying to go somewhere else. I remember when I was growing up the adults were always sooo frustrated when the kids would go completely off the rails and stop paying attention to whatever it was, they were supposed to be paying attention to, but I surmise this are the best bits of life.

I’m an adult now with flagrantly untreated ADD so not much has changed. My need for novelty and complete lack of planning are still fierce. So, it’s not surprising to know that on the way to Acadia State Park I passed by this absolutely chaotic antique store and HAD to stop. I am so glad we did!

This place was… mental. Outside a clutter of rural relics adorned the front, skeletons danced in the upstairs windows, and a giant lobster guarded a bus that looked like it’d been turned into a little cafe. Maybe that’s for the summer, I don’t know, I usually show up to these things off-season when everything looks abandoned and apocalyptic. But the store itself was still buzzing. People were shopping, there were two cashiers, life was good.

I found a bin of driftwood out front and rummaged through it as each piece was $5, a fraction of what driftwood back home costed, and I thought my aquarium fish deserved a nice addition to their decor. Inside the place looked even more like a barn than the outside with exposed beams and wood floors. I loved the atmosphere already, but it took a decidedly even more lovable turn the more we ventured inside. There were a number of vendors here who clearly had an eccentric sense of humor, or at least an unconventional decorating style. One corner drew me to it with its large arched window and posters plastered randomly in all directions all over the aforementioned arch. That vendor was selling action figures and animal bones. Because those two things are very complimentary. Just across from this was a huge assortment of brand-new books, the remnants of a failed bookstore I’m guessing. I picked up a really unique looking volume on New England folklore here and begrudgingly paid almost full price. It just was too damn interesting to leave.

In another room we found a life size Spiderman, tangled in webs on the ceiling, looking like he was about to be devoured by a black widow. I’m no expert on comics but I’m not sure that’s how that story goes… Aquaman was also on the ceiling, as I’m sure he’s accustomed, riding the top of a hanging canoe. And if that wasn’t alarming enough clowns started to appear, a life size It and a life-size Batman in a distressingly seductive pose neither of us could figure out. It wasn’t even the sexy revisionist Batman of the 80’s to present, it was the classic cartoonish version.

I was also delighted to see a whole booth of weird fish pottery. You cannot beat the absolute strangeness of local artists. All this wonderful ambiance seemed to be the heart of this adventure. It’s almost as if I’ve forgotten to mention the antiques! There were a number of them in this shop, and as is custom they ranged in price with the most affordable in the basement and the most insanely priced on the top floor. Really a nice assortment of everything small and quirky.

My companion left that day with an old Zippo lighter. It was shiny, and contains fire, so I could see the appeal. We both bought some bomb mittens that according to the cashier a sweet old lady had made from old sweaters. I have used them since, and they are really warm!! Highly recommended if you need a pair!

Annnnywaaay, if you happen to need a little whimsy in your life or like antiquing for small objects this is really where it’s at, and it’s near a lot of touristy things too if you come in the summer.

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Indian Trail Antiques – Newcastle Maine

Antique stores in Maine tend to be “junk shops,” usually old barns kept by hoarders who need to prove to the town they’re selling shit, not hoarding it in an unsafe manner. This barn however…. WOW, was it chic!

This was by far the first antique store I’ve ever been to that had an honest to god RACING BOAT. Not a replica, not a toy, an actual goddamn racing boat! As well as an old car, an old Harley, a swank cast iron stove, some terrifying huge store front dolls, the customary Gothic looking pram, an awesome dollhouse made of old cigar boxes, some really weird spicy magazines, and a sweat box. “Great for the kids!” according to the guy running the place. The sweat box was clearly not made for children. It was just a big DIY wooden box with a chair inside and a round hole cut out for an adult’s head to pop out of. Looked like a torture device!

I was really enjoying looking at these peculiar items but I was made a little skittish by the shop keep who was tailing us the entire time, pacing nervously in a manner that was making me wonder if I was about to steal something! Like I could. Everything in here was the size of a washing machine. Not that this was my reasoning for not stealing something, I’m just not a thief, especially of sweet little mom and pop stores! His constant check-ins were the reason my hands weren’t steady when I snapped a VERY blurry photo of the most racist painting I’ve ever seen in my life of a bunch of minstrel-eque/mamie-esqu caricatures chasing their children around with a baseball bat, I guess in retribution because they were smoking cigarettes. The more we looked at it the more we were muttering, “What the actual fuck?” I’m annoyed the photo came out blurry because oooph.

We left empty handed because I’m neither rich nor that racist. I was happy to be out of there. Even though I very much enjoyed looking at the antiques the fact we were being followed the entire time was really amping up my anxiety in a negative way. My companion said to be fair he was close behind everyone in the shop that day, which might be why they all left after a very short visit!

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Vance’s Tropical Fish and Exotics – Bucksport Maine

WE DID IT! I’ve officially gone to over 500 destinations for Catching Marbles and I decided to make Vance’s Tropical Fish the 500th entry because it epitomizes so much of what I am looking for when I am out exploring – independent businesses, weird places and things, and lovely people. This one also had the added benefit of some very beautiful and lively fish!

I had gone to Maine for a week with my travel companion and we went all sorts of places but I wanted to make sure I went to Vance’s because I’d heard from locals I needed to check for YEARS and I just never made it. Plus, I may have been in the market for a good betta. This place was a trip! As with any fish store I didn’t know what I was getting into. Perhaps naively I thought this was an actual streetside shop in town because Bucksport is very touristy but no… this place was up a long dirt driveway that clearly ended at someone’s house. Only after getting that far did we see the big sign. This was clearly a project of passion.

We drove up a few minutes before it opened and had to wait for someone to come out and unlock the place. When I walked in I found it was small but full of charm and character. I was also surprised to see that this wasn’t just a tropical fish store – that it also had an assortment of marine fish and corals. All the tanks were crystal clear with fully colored healthy looking fish swimming around real plants and corals. In fact when I asked about the bettas he said he’d gotten six in that morning but he forgot where he put them – they were all scattered among the community tanks. I had fun playing Find the Bettas for a few minutes while my travel companion stared into the mudskipper enclosure. Neither one of us had ever seen mudskippers before! They were surprisingly big! And active! And for some reason gave me the impression they looked like they should be barking (they weren’t and probably can’t. This is just my weird mind acting up.)

I managed to locate most of the bettas and they were pretty standard fair and mostly blue. But the first one I found had HUGE yellow fins and I ended up taking him home. He was so lively even with those outrageous fins. I bought him for a crazy reasonable price of $12.99 and named him Uncle Henry. If you’re from Maine you’ll get the joke. He colored up BEAUTIFULLY when I finally got him home almost a week later – having spent the interim in a Mason jar. I do apologize for my poor planning, but he eats like a bear and is doing great so this short stint in a tiny glass prison didn’t seem to harm him.

The rest of the tropical fish were pretty standard but man were they bright and active. Real quality and health here! The cherry barbs were the reddest I have ever seen and I’ve been to quite a few of these stores. And of course, I was enthralled by the mudskippers and a few marine fish I’d never seen before either. The shop had a corner that was decorated in Hawiian motif and had some instruments out. Another room read “arcade closed” and had a number of quite decent arcade machines. These were just the cherry on top of the cake, the things that made this place so delightfully weird and the shop keep was wonderfully friendly and helpful. All and all it was a great visit and I’m definitely coming back. Last photo is of Henry at home in my tank – which yes, has snails (they’re just a happy bonus for me – not sure why people get so upset about their existence.)

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Granary Burial Ground – Boston Massachusetts

The Granary Burying Ground was the whole reason we came to Boston on this particular day because it is one of the cemeteries that started my fascination with graveyards. A great deal of children in New England end up here as it is part of the Freedom Trail. I was not one of them… so how I ended up here when I was a wee one, I don’t know. I think we just found it walking after a trip to the aquarium. In any event it is goooorgeous and it is 100% where I first started paying attention to the individual artists making the stones because I was blown away by the works of Capt. John Homer – the one responsible for the sideways facing Skull and Bones that I have recognized not just in Boston but also Portsmouth NH where he eventually moved and apparently there’s a bunch on Cape Cod too. He lived a long life and was prolific. I fell in love with this Puritan style right here in this cemetery.

Although most people do not come here for the art – even though it is AMAZING and when the sun is positioned just right this place is a photographer’s dream! No, most people come here because it is FULL of famous people. All of the victims of the Boston Massacre are buried here as well as a twelve-year-old boy who was said to be the first martyr of the Revolution two weeks before the Boston Massacre. His name was Christopher Snider and he was in an angry mob storming outside the home of local Loyalist Ebenezer Richardson. Richardson had gotten the ire of the crowd after he attempted to defend another Loyalist – a merchant by the name of Theophilus Lillie who the angry mobs harassed by placing a pro-British effigy in front of his store to let everyone know no one should be buying anything from him. Richardson was caught trying to get rid of the effigy and the mob chased him all the way home. After surrounding his house, they continued the harassment until he shot several rounds at random out of his window injuring several and killing one – twelve-year-old Christopher Snider. He was tried and found guilty of the murder of Snider and spent two years in prison before being pardoned. This has to be the most Boston story I have ever heard in my life!

Also within the grounds you can find the final resting spot of many governors, senators, congressmen, founding fathers, signers of the Declaration of Independence, Samuel Adams, Paul Revere, and Elizabeth Goose who some believe was the origin for the Mother Goose nursery rhymes. WHEW! That was a lot! And in such a small area with lots of wonderful slate carvings to add the cherry on top of it all. This cemetery has a lot of bang for its buck. Definitely worth visiting if you are in Boston!

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Old South Meeting House – Boston Massachusetts

Right aside the Granary Burying Ground is the Old South Meeting House which I mistakenly thought was the Old North Church so we went in to check it out for $6 a head. It was $15 for a combo ticket to another museum but we were both direly confused as to what and where the other museum was and we were on a timer for the goddamn parking so we just did the one…

The church part is very standard and… church-y. Throughout the pews and perimeter there are lots of little displays with various historical notes. There are some “ghosts” who tell personal stories with their little name tag-esque plaques. Displays on the edges showed how Boston has always been a particularly contentious city that has never been fond of censorship. One display in particular got my attention – it was an open copy of Phillis Wheatley Peters’ book Poems on Various Subjects Religious and Moral. Apparently, this was the church she once attended. If you don’t know her story it’s a really good one. She was born likely in West Africa before finding herself sold into slavery as a child and sailing for the colonies. In Boston she was purchased by merchant John Wheatley as a slave for his wife Susanna. She would have been somewhere around 8 years of age and wouldn’t have known any English but apparently she took to this new language so quickly it caught everyone off guard. The Wheatley’s daughter took a particular shine to her and began to tutor her. By the time she was in her early teens she had not only picked up English but also Greek and Latin and was reading the classics in their original tongues. The family was so impressed by this they relieved her of her slave labors and invested in her giving her a formal education. By the age of twenty she had written her collection of poetry and wished to publish them but no one thought she could do it in the colonies. So, they set sail for London where she did indeed become the first black woman to publish a book of poetry in the Western world. She intrigued London but caused quite a stir when she came back to the colonies. Slavery was largely based on the belief that black people were somehow less than and to have a young black woman write poetry flew in the face of this concept. Instead of accepting this possibility the people here in Boston doubled down on their racism and misogyny and accused her of publishing some white woman’s work under her own name. She was put on trial for this and basically had her character torn to shreds but she persisted. She proved to one and all she did in fact write her own poems. And afterwards she was given her freedom by the Wheatley family. And that’s where the story should end… in triumph and joy. But no, she went to marry an impoverished black grocer, lost two babies to death, and eventually succumbed to pneumonia trying to work as a scullery maid to provide for those babies. She was 31. The infant daughter she just gave birth to followed her into the next life on the same day. But I suppose not all is lost for we have not forgotten her. Her poetry and spirit live on and are studied, read, and reflected upon to this very day.

This was a quick tour. Honestly if I were a kid I would have been bored to tears but as an adult I rather enjoyed it.

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Donkey Statue – Boston Massachusetts

Ever have one of those moments where you find yourself somewhere odd, staring at something you can’t explain, and having no idea why? This seems to happen a lot to me and today was no different. I was on the Freedom Trail just meandering when I came across a seagull sitting atop a statue. I thought it was so funny I stepped into the dooryard to snap a photo and found instead the cutest little donkey statue under it! And honestly, I was going to let this go as just that… a fun little thing during the day, not a whole damn blog entry, but things started to get a bit weird. You see the donkey in addition to being life-size (to a miniature donkey) was also practically glowing. It was a bronze statue and a clearly well-loved ass as there were golden wear marks almost all over the damn thing! I mean I’d seen bronze statues polished by people touching them before but it’s always just one spot. This thing looked like it’d been furiously rubbed like a genie’s lamp. What… is going on here?? I looked around for an explanation but there wasn’t any plaques or signs or anything… it was just… an anomaly.

“Is it shiny because people pet it for good luck?” I asked my companion who had no idea either. Just for good measure I pet him. I’m not really superstitious but I could use some good luck… especially after the earlier parking fiasco and the traffic, my god, the traffic. Later I’d look up what made this donkey so special and when I read the story… I smiled!

Apparently, they donkey is absolutely as random as it looks. He started his life in Italy where a Roger Webb found him, became enamored, and purchased him for the low low price of ten thousand dollars. Why? He wanted to put him on the Freedom Trail to entertain bored children! But you can’t just put a random donkey on the Freedom Trail. That makes no sense. And when he tried to donate the donkey to the city of Boston they just frowned. No. just no. BUT HE’S SO CUTE, LOOK AT HIM!

Anyway… eventually Mr. Webb came to lease the courtyard of The Old City Hall and he decided that would be a great place to board the little guy. Certainly, better than his daughter’s garage which is where it was spending all it’s time during this lack of a custody battle. He still had to make up a reason for why it should be there and so he just muttered, “Democrats?” And apparently Boston relented. That is until after the donkey was put in place and the Republicans got their panties in a bunch wondering where their elephant was going to go. To appease them Webb did put a dedication up to the Republicans but it wasn’t in the form of a bronze elephant it was actually just a set of footprints directly in front of the donkey…. so they could stand in opposition to it.

Meanwhile, much to Webb’s glee the donkey became a BELOVED monument, climbed on by children of all ages, pet on the regular, and with selfies galore. And I mean… it deserved it. Why? Because it’s ridiculous and adorable, that’s why. In this increasingly hostile world sometimes it’s nice just to spread joyful chaos. So, if you’re of a whimsical nature like myself I think you too should pay a visit to this sweet little donkey.

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King’s Chapel Burying Ground – Boston Massachusetts

Our trip to Boston was another one of those poorly planned ADHD kind of moments where we just pointed vaguely at the Freedom Trail and decided to start walking. But before that we had to go through truly mental traffic, dodging cars parked in the middle of the street and not knowing if I was driving in one lane or two because… who needs paint lines, ammirite? Parking was no less nerve wracking and cost a whopping $43 even though we were only here for an hour or so. I expected that. I did not expect a valet asking me for the keys to the Prius who’d later lose the Prius. And it’s keys. Separately. If you’re not swearing at this point GOOD FOR YOU! Because I was.

Luckily this parking was VERY close to this cemetery which we had not planned on going to. But who am I to say no to a cemetery? And it was cool! Apparently, the King’s Chapel Burying Ground is the oldest cemetery in the city of Boston with its first internment in 1686. It claims several famous residents including the first woman to step off the Mayflower Mary Chilton. Also a number of revolutionary war heroes, lots of governors, portrait artist Joseph Badger, the first colonist American born Architect Charles Bulfinch, and “The Ice King” Frederic Tudor who pioneered ice harvesting and shipped ice from various ponds to destinations as far as India!

The art on the stones of this cemetery were MAGNIFICENT! Just so creative and strange and well-articulated! There were dancing skeletons and angels, death’s heads and wildly elaborate border carvings. I was loving each and every second of this relatively small cemetery. It’s still attached to the church which is also really tiny and apparently has crypt tours during the warmer months. WE SHALL BE BACK.

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Mike’s Aquatics – Manchester New Hampshire

It’s a sad reality that the vast majority of little mom and pop pet stores in New England have been absolutely obliterated by Petsmart and Petco, which if you’ve ever been there you know they lack soul amongst other things. Venturing to these small independent stores was like an adventure when I was growing up because you never knew what they’d have as far as critters were concerned.

This pet store reminded me of those days. It’s in the city but off the beaten path, you wouldn’t be blamed for thinking this was a more or less vacant lot in the back of an auto mechanic. The good fish stores always have this super sketchy look to their exteriors. But after seeing the last of the little fish stores in my immediate area close for good I was told repeatedly that if you want fish you should go to Lucky’s in Worcester Massachusetts or Mike’s Aquatics in Manchester New Hampshire which is where I went on this day. So, I looked them up online and was delighted to find they had just set up a new betta rack. Obviously, I had to go check it out to see if there was any eligible studs for my bevvy of girls back home. And if they had something else, cool!

So, I drove the hour to get here, endured Manchester city traffic (which isn’t that bad but I’m a country bumpkin and love my long stretches to nowhere. They beat traffic lights and road rage any day of the week!) I was praying for a place that had actual parking because I haaaaaate parallel parking and what do you know, this place had a regular parking lot! But it was pretty hidden. A large sign aside the road said Mike’s Aquatics but I was confused because it was clearly over an autobody shop. Took me a minute to realize I had to turn into the lot and drive behind said mechanic. An adventure!

I was the only one here today. I walked in and two young women were running the store. This place was clean and sparkly. The entrance had driftwood and tanks for sale and little cups of plants. The display tanks were gorgeous! They had an ample supply of fish, all looking vibrant and healthy, being attended to by one of the staff testing the water. I looked around and found not just freshwater fish but plants, marine fish, and a quite varied rack of coral frags. And an empty betta rack. Hmmm. I looked to see if any of the other fish caught my fancy – the calico angels did indeed have my eye but I didn’t have $90 to fork out for three, nor the set up. Angels can be aggressive to each other and when you first get them it’s suggested you get at least three so they don’t get too territorial when adding more later. They were a decent size for the price though.

I was also surprised to find a single ADORABLE little turtle, a huge, planted display tank, and a herp room full of poison dart frogs, a chameleon, a stack of various tarantulas, some snakes, tubs of rolly polies?? and even a fruit fly culture. Funny, I always thought those things spontaneously appeared whenever there was a banana left out too long. Who would BUY fruit flies?? Clearly someone who has a pet that eats them but I don’t know what that would be. Lucky for me the tricolored hognose snake they’d posted on their Facebook page a few days ago appeared to have already found a home as his enclosure was empty. Just as well. I don’t need temptation and I find hognoses soooo goddamn adorable. But no. I must stay with fish. Fish are cheap and don’t care I live in a cold basement abode.

ANYWAY. I was thrilled to see this place also sold pet friendly plants and that their enclosures were very holistic with live plants and stimulation for the critters. I was SHOCKED anyone would buy 10 roly-polies (isopods) for $64 but who am I to make that call? I spent many hours in my childhood playing with woodlice outside, I get how stupidly charming these bugs are.

By now I was still the only one in the shop and I felt like I’d been here a little too long. I decided to make amends for this by buying some aquarium plants which were about the same price I could get online but without added shipping cost. I picked two. Some fluffy hornwort which looked positively unkillable and another little mat of baby tears. Because the ones I had kept getting pulled up and sent floating through the tank like little green refugees until they died. I’d put these in one of my ten-gallon fry tanks and avoid that issue this time. I did ask about the bettas… apparently the new rack system was so new it was still cycling so there were no bettas. I’d driven out here for naught. *cries* As I made my way to the counter I noticed their freezer and found a package of bloodworms for 6 bucks. Yes, please! My fishies are getting treats tonight!

Anyway… if you happen to be needing fish stuff and are in the area I would absolutely recommend this place. They are slightly on the pricey side but their livestock seemed to be of a high quality so maybe that’s completely worth it. Who’s to say, not me! At least not yet… I will be back to check out their bettas which I’ll be adding to my own fish project.

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