Author: Theophanes Avery

Theophanes Avery is a whimsical travel blogger that is hopelessly in love with New England and all it's weird places, people, and things. Besides running way too many blogs they are the author of three books, at least one of them good, and they also enjoy raising aquarium fish in Walsted tanks, sculpting, Sharpie doodling, knitting, tattooing leather, homesteading, and whatever other hobby tickles their raging ADD. Less fortunately they are a hopelessly impoverished spoonie yelling to the world, "WE NEED MORE COMMUNITY!" but alas no one's listening. Make sure to find them on the FaceBook. They love new oddball friends. Fly the freak flag high my darlings!

Hiroshi Loop Trail – Dublin New Hampshire

Well, I FINALLY have my car back. I haven’t gone out exploring since before Christmas and to be more than honest I have been going out of my mind! I needed some trees!! So off I went to the woods.

I decided on the Hiroshi Loop Trail because it was a loop and claimed to be easy with no more than a 3% grade incline. After my winter torpor it’s probably best to start off easy… It was very wet but GORGEOUS. I had no idea such a lovely trail was hidden here! Moss and lichen grew on many of the trees and tree roots, beavers left their handywork everywhere, and I even scared a pair of grumpy ducks and two Canadian geese. I also found a geo cache signed by sooo many children with little doodles on some of the pages. It was quite darling! I wish I had something to leave with it. I did sign it. It seemed right to do so.

I was the only one on the trail for most of my journey. I travelled through a mixed woodland and passed the “singing stream” although I don’t know why it’s called that. It didn’t seem to be singing today. It did however give me a gift – or rather the beavers did. I found THE PERFECT walking stick in one of their piles. It was hardwood, heavy, exactly the right height for me, and they’d done me a great courtesy in eating all the bark off it first making it smooth and pretty. Also it was chewed to a spike at the end whcih was great for traction! I’d need the stick later on as the loop was longer than I had anticipated. Luckily it wasn’t difficult with only two parts that seemed to have an incline and they were short lived.

I met a woman and her dog as I was getting close to the end of the trail. The trailhead board did say that dog’s were welcomed here. Other than that I didn’t see or hear a soul. It was just this slightly drizzly Saint Patrick’s Day and I completely lost myself taking photos of the raindrops on the water and leaves. It made this place sort of magical.

This was the perfect first hike of the year and I look so much forward to the next one!

0

St Paul’s Thrift Store – Newport Rhode Island

Another day, another small exploration. After exhausting all the antique stores in the area it seemed only logical to move onto thrift stores so we checked out this one.

It was a cute little store off a busy street. Initially upon entering I didn’t see much and pondered if this place just opened. No, it was just lacking baubles (save from some creepy dolls and clown bric-a-bracs which are to be expected.) Several other rooms were less underwhelming. One was dedicated to old books and clothes. It wasn’t much but there was an entire aisle dedicated to flannel which is really weird because flannel is so… not Newport. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone wear flannel here. Not even ironically. Still, this thrift store probably just knew it’s clientele. Thrifty lesbians. They make up a huge section of customers at any good thrift store- except the Salvation Army because they’ve made it their goal to be absolute dicks to the gay community, even going so far as to fund anti-gay and anti-trans legislation. Fuck em’ these little independently owned thrift stores are where it’s at anyway.

To prove my point the furniture here was VERY decently priced! I didn’t see anything over $200 and there was some nice pieces! Just look at this funky green chair. $68. I’m not going to lie, if I had a place of my own and was in need of a weird chair it would have come home with me.

0

Moody’s Diner – Waldoboro Maine

You know what’s a really great way to wrap up several vacation days of antiquing? Going to a well-known diner and just enjoying a good old fashioned food coma. This place had all the ambience you’d want from a tin diner, including regulars. And the price wasn’t bad for being so well known! I had a turkey salad sandwich with fries, and peanut butter pie for dessert, both I only remembered to take photos of after I ate them. I can’t remember what my companion ate, not because I’m an oblivious twat-waffle but because it’s been several weeks since we were at Moody’s and I only remembered what I ate because I had photos… if it helps I do remember he liked whatever he orders. Like really liked it. He also already knew about Moody’s from something, probably Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives.

BUT ANYWAY! You should absolutely stop in for a pie. Their food was delicious but Jesus Christ that pie…

0

Vittles – Pittsfield Maine

Vittles (and the eateries that once predated it) has been somewhere I have eaten breakfast for yeeears. Ever since I was knee high to a grasshopper. I have always adored their tin ceilings which reminded me of my gram’s house. And the staff were always so friendly!

It used to be a pretty standard place but when it became Vittles it got a little fancier. They’re VERY proud of their fries. But we were having breakfast. I got the almond French Toast – the fanciest breakfast item I could find – and ooooo, it was the right decision! That was some primo breakfast right there, and pretty decent pricing to boot. Again, not being a food blogger, I forgot to take a photo until it was mostly eaten but suffice to say this was three whole slices of thick bread and I ate until I wanted to explode. I definitely like this place for breakfast.

0

Generations Antique Mall – Rockport Maine

This was supposed to be the last antique store we’d went to after several days of antiquing and it was a nice way to round everything out as it was small and clearly independent. It was more on the thrifty side of things than the overpriced chic markets near the coast we had been poking at.

My new cheap phone did a terrible job taking photos (I guess my hand had to be tripod still and the lightning needs to also be perfect.) In any event we did find a cast iron cauldron, coincidentally just the right size to sit one baby, ‘case you’re into that kinda thing. It was pretty neat. I ended up going home with a record and a lobster cookie cutter because who makes lobster cookies?! I brought it home right before Christmas and used it to cut out some Christmas Crustaceans. If elf on a shelf can be a thing I feel we should at least try and make Christmas Crustaceans a thing too.

Anyway, if you happen to already be in Rockport or are just whiling away the hours this place is nice and cozy but not large by any means so probably not worth travelling very far unless you’re nuts like I am. I will say however the staff were adorably sweet. So, there’s that. I’ve included photos of my Christmas Crustaceans.

0

The Rock and Art Shop – Bangor Maine

I love it when we go to one shop and the people there recommend something completely different, we have to go to. That’s what happened when we were out antiquing, and I struck up a conversation with the cashier who thought I “looked like someone who’d like a rock shop.” I don’t know what that means exactly but I’m not going to argue, I do like shiny things, fossils, and bones.

And as far as rock shops go this one was darling! It was streetside so great for if you’re already ambling about the city. It had the usual crystals and charms and quite a bit more utterly unique things – the skeleton of a bat, a number of bizarre games, some really chic ornaments, and some good old fashioned girl power notebooks. I loved this place! So much so I bought a book hoping to find more leads of places to go. And the girls at the counter were burbly and friendly. This is definitely the go-to shop for witchy items and whatnot. If that’s your thing by all means take a looksee!

0

Bangor Antique Marketplace – Bangor Maine

The Bangor Antique Marketplace was what you’d expect with such a title – a large antique mall with lots of vendors and variety. I was particularly thrilled with their vast collection of wall art depicting seemingly haunted Victorian children and one photo portrait of what was clearly a Civil War orphan carrying his pa’s hat. You know, the sort of thing you hang up if you want a poltergeist..

Most of it was pretty standard fair but we did find a few cool things. One was a hand-pump vacuum?? The specifics of which confused me to no end but I guess vacuums predated electricity in every home?? It looked like a butter churn with a sucking attachment! We also found the weirdest “spice rack” I have ever seen in the shape of a 1950’s poodle mama and six pups. A few racist artifacts were spread about in the usual manner including a mammie doll that also doubled as a broom because why not? Funny enough since I have started going around to all these antiques stores pointing out these less than welcoming items I have noticed a lot less of them being blatantly visible. Are these two things connected? I couldn’t tell you, but I sometimes like to think I do have some effect on the world with my joyful chaos even though it was never my intent to make these things go away. I’m not sure I have an intent.

On the other hand there’s no shortage of terrifying clowns and haunted dolls and I would have it no other way. And this place had at least one vendor with some really instruments – mostly banjos, but weird ones.

I ended up buying a brand-new book that was at the door and clearly written by one of the cashiers. It had big glossy photos of creepy dolls taking an ocean hiatus juxtaposed next to some home-grown poetry. OUCH. Hit me where it hurts, I couldn’t leave it behind. I HAVE to support this sort of whimsical strangeness. An independent author and photographer after my own heart. I should have had her sign it! She was super pleased (and halfway shocked) I walked out with it. Maybe I was the only one… but you guys, you have to support independent authors and artists. You just have to. (And if you want to support this particular author the book was called Sea Witch; Photographs, Poems and Forget-me-Nots From a Mainer Growing Up by Kristie Billings.)

Of course, you could also do that by going through their shop and finding something nice for yourself. There was plenty to choose from! Well worth the visit!

0

Wiscasset Antiques Mall – Wiscasset Maine

This was another big one that took quite some time to get through. When we walked in my attention immediately gravitated towards a little plastic encased booklet reading, “Little Known Facts About Bundling in the New World.” For those of you that don’t know in the early days of our country it was customary to only have one giant bed per family, especially in the winter when body heat was a good resource to have! Men and boys slept to one side, women and girls slept on another, and directly in the middle would be a bundling board – or a little wooden fence-like thing keeping the two groups seperate. Interestingly enough courting teenage couples were allowed to sleep in the same bed in these days, in the very middle, with the bundling board in between them and their parents right behind them. I’m sure that wasn’t weird at all. Also how were babies made with this arrangement?! There seemed to be an awfully lot of them…

ANYWAY, now that I am past that disturbing little distraction I will go back to telling you about the antique store. It was another Byzantine place with all sorts of nooks and corners, a ton of vendors, and just about something for everyone. I was particularly intrigued by a series of old newspapers saved detailing big events – Elvis Presley’s Death, the assassination of Kennedy, and the Son of Sam trial. And wow, so many puppets! All of different kinds! And the weird books… I could have dropped a lot of money on weird books but I was running low at this point. They even had one with absolutely horrible misogynistic boomer humor that was beyond cringe. Even more alarming they had an official notary press for sale…. and it worked… I’m sure no ne’er-do-well will find it and use it for anything mischievous…

All and all this place was large enough yo recommend travel to pick through or if you happen to be in the area its definitely worth a visit!

0

Route 1A Relics – Ellsworth Maine

Sometimes you find the best things while trying to go somewhere else. I remember when I was growing up the adults were always sooo frustrated when the kids would go completely off the rails and stop paying attention to whatever it was, they were supposed to be paying attention to, but I surmise this are the best bits of life.

I’m an adult now with flagrantly untreated ADD so not much has changed. My need for novelty and complete lack of planning are still fierce. So, it’s not surprising to know that on the way to Acadia State Park I passed by this absolutely chaotic antique store and HAD to stop. I am so glad we did!

This place was… mental. Outside a clutter of rural relics adorned the front, skeletons danced in the upstairs windows, and a giant lobster guarded a bus that looked like it’d been turned into a little cafe. Maybe that’s for the summer, I don’t know, I usually show up to these things off-season when everything looks abandoned and apocalyptic. But the store itself was still buzzing. People were shopping, there were two cashiers, life was good.

I found a bin of driftwood out front and rummaged through it as each piece was $5, a fraction of what driftwood back home costed, and I thought my aquarium fish deserved a nice addition to their decor. Inside the place looked even more like a barn than the outside with exposed beams and wood floors. I loved the atmosphere already, but it took a decidedly even more lovable turn the more we ventured inside. There were a number of vendors here who clearly had an eccentric sense of humor, or at least an unconventional decorating style. One corner drew me to it with its large arched window and posters plastered randomly in all directions all over the aforementioned arch. That vendor was selling action figures and animal bones. Because those two things are very complimentary. Just across from this was a huge assortment of brand-new books, the remnants of a failed bookstore I’m guessing. I picked up a really unique looking volume on New England folklore here and begrudgingly paid almost full price. It just was too damn interesting to leave.

In another room we found a life size Spiderman, tangled in webs on the ceiling, looking like he was about to be devoured by a black widow. I’m no expert on comics but I’m not sure that’s how that story goes… Aquaman was also on the ceiling, as I’m sure he’s accustomed, riding the top of a hanging canoe. And if that wasn’t alarming enough clowns started to appear, a life size It and a life-size Batman in a distressingly seductive pose neither of us could figure out. It wasn’t even the sexy revisionist Batman of the 80’s to present, it was the classic cartoonish version.

I was also delighted to see a whole booth of weird fish pottery. You cannot beat the absolute strangeness of local artists. All this wonderful ambiance seemed to be the heart of this adventure. It’s almost as if I’ve forgotten to mention the antiques! There were a number of them in this shop, and as is custom they ranged in price with the most affordable in the basement and the most insanely priced on the top floor. Really a nice assortment of everything small and quirky.

My companion left that day with an old Zippo lighter. It was shiny, and contains fire, so I could see the appeal. We both bought some bomb mittens that according to the cashier a sweet old lady had made from old sweaters. I have used them since, and they are really warm!! Highly recommended if you need a pair!

Annnnywaaay, if you happen to need a little whimsy in your life or like antiquing for small objects this is really where it’s at, and it’s near a lot of touristy things too if you come in the summer.

0

Proudly powered by WordPress | Theme: Baskerville 2 by Anders Noren.

Up ↑