Author: Theophanes Avery

Theophanes Avery is a whimsical travel blogger that is hopelessly in love with New England and all it's weird places, people, and things. Besides running way too many blogs they are the author of three books, at least one of them good, and they also enjoy raising aquarium fish in Walsted tanks, sculpting, Sharpie doodling, knitting, tattooing leather, homesteading, and whatever other hobby tickles their raging ADD. Less fortunately they are a hopelessly impoverished spoonie yelling to the world, "WE NEED MORE COMMUNITY!" but alas no one's listening. Make sure to find them on the FaceBook. They love new oddball friends. Fly the freak flag high my darlings!

Max Reefs [Saltwater Fish Store] – Bridgeport CT

I have been trying to set up my own heavily planted freshwater fish tank for a couple months now and it’s going well except I can’t find anyone local with live plants so I decided when we were at the Startford Antique Center that we should check out a fish store when we were in the area. Only problem was my phone was not reading my location correctly so I had to give this duty to my navigator and he had no idea the shop just a mile down the road was a saltwater store. I knew immediately when driving in as it’s called Max Reefs which… well there aren’t any reefs in freshwater are there.

Most saltwater fish stores are tiny, hidden, and only open for three random hours a week. They have far more in common with a speakeasy than a pet store but this place? YIKES. It was by far the biggest saltwater shop I’d ever been in. It was in an old warehouse building so the ceilings were high giving it an even more spacious look. And unlike the other stores I’ve been to the lighting was maxed out and everything was so bright!

I immediately was taken by a fish I’d never seen before – a spotted grouper – and his darling personality as he danced about trying to get my attention. There were rows and rows of fish here in little holding tanks. This facility looked far more like a distributor than a shop but the variety was crazy! They had fully grown clowns of every kind – even a pair of lightning maroons which just made my jaw drop. GORGEOUS. And all the fish were so healthy! And lively! They also had some really big starfish, some sea urchins, a few different kinds of shrimp, and an unfathomable array of corals and coral frags for every price range, both hard and soft.

They were light on supplies but did have a fridge/freezer of various foods and three sizable tubs of live rock (both brown and purple) as well as a pile of dead rock as well. I really delighted in checking out this store and am sorry I was in no position to buy anything (although seriously if I did have a big ass saltwater tank that spotted grouper would have come with me and maybe that pair of lightning maroon clows because MAN where they pretty!) If you live in the area or you’re just looking for variety I highly suggest giving this place a visit – and since some of you have requested I check out more fish stores both fresh and saltwater this won’t be the last blog entry on such places. Happy fish keeping!

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Stratford Antique Center – Stratford CT

Of course, I couldn’t go a week without checking out a different antique mall. This one was a two-hour drive and worth it because it was an unending Byzantine labyrinth of all sorts of oddness. That was 16,500 square feet and 200 dealers worth of strange. Loved every second!

As with any of these adventures the shop soon came out with the theme of the day: animals that should be featured on a meme reading, “You know what a *something* looks like, right?” Whether they were old folk art paintings, weird stylized sculptures, figurines, or random artifacts there was all sorts of bizarrely created animals – each and every one of them looking at least a little bit off. One of which neither one of us could identify read cryptically, “cat.” Sure. That’s what that was.

There was the usual assortment of dolls, clowns, and Old Timey racism but also a number of art pieces and various paintings and wall hangings that could satisfy any decor. There was even one of two babies “sleeping” with a doll that probably didn’t kill them. We spent a few hours picking through the isles, booths, and glass cabinets. It was a really decent spread! All sorts of things! Even a figurine of a black gentlemen dressed in the Victorian era’s finest to offset the other racist garbage. I love to see someone celebrating minorities that did succeed (and just because history has largely made sure that didn’t last and forgotten them doesn’t mean they didn’t exist at all.)

So that’s where I’ll end this blog entry. If you happen to be in the Stratford CT area or are looking for a big place to go picking this seems to be a good bet!

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Mike’s Estate Services – West Warwick RI

After extracting ourselves from Candy’s Curiosities we decided we still had some umph to go explore yet another shop. That’s when my travel companion decided on something I probably wouldn’t have – Mike’s Estate Services. I mean what does that even mean? In the country we have barn sales… you know people who go to estates, buy lots of things from dead people’s homes, and try to resell them in their barn… was Mike’s some sort of city equivalent of this? YES. Yes, it was.

But I’m not knocking it! Because this place was HUGE and it had EVERYTHING. So much luscious furniture in every conceivable style, all old so made to last. And each tag read a whole story about coming in, being priced, and then going down in price every consecutive month they were there. This resulted in some really nice furniture being sold at some damn decent prices! Most that I saw seemed to hover between $600-1,200 but these were ornate antique pieces probably worth a lot more. Should I ever be lucky enough to find myself a homeowner I am coming back here!!

And upstairs there was a bunch of wall art for every decor as well as kitchen supplies, dishes, a healthy dose of probably haunted dolls, brand new looking cloth luggage cases, a few books here and there, lots of orphaned but still very handsome chairs, and even some grandfather clocks and rocking chairs. There was something for everyone here. And if you happen to need something to furnish your new home I HIGHLY suggest this place!

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Candy’s Curiosities & Vintage Oddities – Coventry RI

Candy’s Curiosities was A TRIP. We had NO IDEA what we were walking into and quite frankly I don’t think anyone would. Earlier on that morning my navigator and travel companion had come up with the idea to go to Candy’s to which I giggled, “I hope it’s better than Cookie’s” (which was such a hilariously unnerving experience that it’s gone a little viral this week.) Anyway…

The word oddities could mean anything especially when it is in a shop’s title. That’s more or less bait for weird looky-loos like yours truly. Even better it wasn’t that far away so off we went! It was an easy shop to find but from the outside it looked tiny. I parked in an equally cramped parking lot and skipped inside where we found ourselves deep deep down the rabbit hole.

I’m not going to lie, this shop is not much bigger than a walk-in closet but it was totally worth it! This place is PACKED with weird trinkets, old horror movie memorabilia, vintage Halloween decorations, a Gothic clothing rack, some dubiously strange used books. It was a little bit of everything and every nook was filled which meant that we were stuck like flies on a sticky trap just staring. Under domes there were sculptures made of bones and googly eyes, there were dried chicken and raccoon feet, and some dried toads for good measure. My companion found himself lost in a bucket of vintage humor postcards while I looked through black and white photos of funerals and natural disasters in the area. Eventually I’d find myself wrist deep in a tub of pins and well… I came home with one that was of a conjoined skeleton.

I also brought home a magnet that was an actual casting of a design on a one of the local slate cemetery stone’s – a death’s head (winged skull) which are my favorite! I was DELIGHTED when I got home and found out that it came with a business card from The Gravestone Girls who created it and on the back of that a whole history of the stone the image was taken from. So neat!

The shop owner was friendly too and packaged my new treasures in a laboratory sample bag. What a clever idea! Anyway, I would highly suggest this shop to other fellow freaks, geeks, and goths. It was absolutely goddamn delightful.

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Quaboag Valley Antique Center – Palmer MA

We ended our day of antiquing at the Quaboag Valley Antique Center which is in town… and yes I had to badly parallel park in traffic to be anywhere near it which is always added fun! (Pleeeease stop asking me to do this. I am but a simple country bumpkin with no real use of parallel parking skills.)

This place lacked the great size of the Yankee Flea Market but that’s OK. Everything here was fine, cultured, and well displayed. And for the most part it was the usual things you’d find in a shop like this – pretty baubles, fine china, and of course a basement full of furniture. That’s not to say we didn’t find anything interesting because we did… I found a black ventriloquist dummy which, how fucking weird is that?! I always see haunted dolls as being a white person hobby but OK! Happy to bring others onboard! Actually, Twitter told me the dummy was half of the comedy team Willie Tyler and Lester. Lester was the doll and apparently they showed up on Laugh In at one point. Soooo want to see that…

I also found a canary cage, the kind miners would bring canaries into mines with which was almost as morbid as the decrepit doll pram on the other side of the shop. Whhhy do those always call to me?! Oh! And a little metal stove that was silver! I’ve seen dozens of these things before but they’re always cast iron, never silver colored?! Very cool.

Anyway, if you happen to be in town, are in need of good sturdy furniture, or are checking out other antique places in the area this shop might be worth a looksey.

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Yankee Flea Market – Palmer MA

The Yankee Flea market was another fun stop because it is enormous with over 200 vendors. As such you never know what you’re going to find! We spent quite a while here picking through the various booths and finding everything under the sun. The great thing about a place with this many vendors is that you’ll find not just a large variety of items but also price ranges. There’s something for everyone! And I came home with a jar of marbles since I have stopped taking marble photos at every location. I guess at the time I didn’t feel particularly encouraged to do so but it was a cute little signature of mine.

We picked through creepy clowns, dolls with vaguely threatening auras, cow creamers in the midst of an existential crisis, bad taxidermy, cast iron everything, hilarious Disney knock offs that looked just the slightest bit off, a model of a human spine, a marshmallow man with a changing face, and even an Old Timey Bottle reading “Cathartic Compound” which I am sure was something that throw you on your ass. Oh, and random “Pin the Pistol on the Cowboy” game and a mug with a naked woman and a wobbly butt. Very weird but hilarious. There were even a couple booths that appeared to be maintained by artists selling their works which is always lovely to see. You get out there!

All and all this was definitely one of the larger venues I’d go back to in a few months or years when everything has rolled over again. Fun fun!

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Pet Supplies Plus – Lunenburg MA

Having failed to find any aquarium plants that tickled my fancy at Forest Wonders I decided to continue down the street to find Pet Supplies Plus which is a larger store – a chain store – though I think one that might be locally owned (but don’t quote me on that.)

Walking in it looked more or less like PetCo or Petsmart – big, open, a sort of Wal-Mart for pets, though I don’t know about the pricing! There were a few cashiers and one of them warmly greeted me as I came in. I went straight for the fish isle which was labelled critters for some reason. They had a nice assortment of tanks, especially ones on the smaller side. At the end were the bettas. Just a handful, all looking as pitiful as bettas in little plastic tubs always do. There was one really small one for five bucks. He looked half dead but then again that’s how they normally look in these places. I talked myself out of it. I don’t have the right set up for a betta. Next to the bettas was two small tubs of plants. One read cryptically, “assorted plants” and had only one dried up brown plant in it. Aquarium tumbleweed? The other tub was java moss and looked almost as bad.

Within the fish department there were rows of tanks with the usual assortment of glo fish and whatnot. One tank had a few plants in it. $7 for a little pot of dwarf baby tears actually was a super decent price. Too bad the plant itself was yellow as fuck and I didn’t feel like I knew enough about rescuing plants to bring it back to life. Not yet anyway. Seems I struck out once again.

I stayed a little longer only to see what they had for critters – a furless guinea pig, two ferrets, and some miscellaneous fuzz that were probably hamsters – before leaving. The staff flagged me down again and asked if I needed help.

“No, I’m good, but thank you!” I smiled. At least the personnel here were super friendly. I give them that!

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Forest Wonders Pet Store – Lunenburg MA

I’m setting up my own heavily planted 55-gallon fish tank and up until now I have been buying plants (and shrimp!) online but I had a bad nitrate spike and figured I could use some more plants quick to help resolve the issue. And so I asked the allmighty Google gods if there were any mom-and-pop shops still in existence in the area. The answer was…. not a lot. Most have been obliterated by PetCo and PetSmart which is a bleeding shame. I can tell you so many stories of a misspent youth perusing all these tiny weird pet shops of the past. You NEVER knew what you were about to walk into and the diversity of animals was amazing! But alas. Today was not a day for nostalgia. I had an errand to complete!

That’s how I ended up at Forest Wonders. Honestly, I have no idea how this place escaped my radar but it looks like it’s been here a long while. It sits in the same plaza as a hydroponics store (how ironic is that?) and a smoke shop. The outside is garishly decorated in a probably desperate attempt to flag down whim shoppers. I get it. it must be tough being a mom-and-pop pet store these days.

Inside I was greeted with this absolutely darling black kitty, clearly in heat and out of her kitten loving mind, just rolling around in the window like an Amsterdamian hooker. Her physique was that of a Siamese, probably a cross. I have SUCH a soft spot for Siamese crosses. I gave her scritches and continued on. There were a few isles of fish stuff, a nice variety actually. And then there was the actual fish. This is the first time I have seen feeder guppies in decades. Seriously. I think they were 50 cents a piece and all in a huge tank next to the feeder goldfish. (All the previous pet stores were selling their guppies for 5 or 6 bucks a pop no matter how butt ugly they were.) And then we got to the real deal. Here there was the best assortment of fish by far that I have seen in the area. Mostly all in little two and a half gallon holding tanks but not overcrowded, just fancy. There were a number of cheaper L-series plecos, two “rope fish” that looked like eels to me, an electric catfish, a foot long arowana, and some more common fair. In the corner was a marine set up but it was mostly empty – only had two fish – a spirited maroon clownfish (who took a piece of my heart) and some other fish I would have totally taken home and nursed if I had a saltwater tank. Despite all the other fish looking fantastic this one looked thin as fuck and stressed. She took a bigger part of my heart. GAH.

Around the corner was a row of bettas and some of them were actually pretty! (Sorry, I just think most are kind of fugly. It’s a matter of personal taste I know.) And then beyond them was a whole room of critters which was soooo fun. Canaries and finches of odd varieties and colors, a gaggle of parakeets, a smattering of common lizards, and even a few fury things including a long-haired rex mouse and a degu. Thank god I am really allergic to mice because that little fucker was cuuuuuuute! This room was all dark and when the woman realized I was in there she turned on the lights for me. That’s when everything here became even cuter. They had a good diversity of critters. This really reminded me of the golden age of pet shops and it didn’t smell bad. It was all very clean.

Back into the main part of the pet store I noticed one large tank divided into four with large fish in it including some absolutely stunning huge L-series plecos. My heart may have fluttered a bit. But alas, I was here for plants! So I asked if I had missed them. There were maybe five in with the bettas, tiny little sprigs, all super common plants I already had in my tank except for the last which looked like a very small scallion someone shoved in a fish tank appropriately titled “water onion.” I looked at it dubiously, shrugged my shoulders, said thank you and left. All and all I think this is a great place if you’re looking for critters – fancy fish, birds, rodents, and reptiles. I regret I didn’t buy anything but I’m not going to lie – I might be back for fish someday.

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Brimfield Antique Center – Brimfield MA

Since our trip to the Brimfield Antique Fair went so poorly we decided to just go during the non-fair season and see what the actual antique stores have. The entire area is littered with them. We started with the most obviously titled – the Brimfield Antique Center. It was super easy to get to and despite the GPS trying to get me to hurl it full force out the window by making me take uselessly painful detours, we got there just fine. As expected it was kind of swank, mostly everything in sight was behind glass in big cases. Lots and lots and lots of dolls, clowns, pretty dishware, and even two very ornate masquerade masks which intrigues me greatly. Even so I found the pricing on the few items I looked at to be very decent. I was expecting highway robbery if I’m honest.

We ended up very distracted looking through a bunch of excellent condition vinyls. Among them was a Canadian pressed album of Phil Ochs last concert where he was rumored to have lost his mind and showed up dressed as a glittery Elvis to do Elvis covers rather than his usual political folk musings. I had no idea this concert was even recorded… to find it here on vinyl for a mere $15 was mind-blowing. I took it and cannot wait to listen to it! I mean… Phil Ochs doing Elvis… that’s so fucking weird! And in addition to this I scored a perfect condition It’s a Beautiful Day self-titled album which I have never seen go for under $35 for 10 bucks! I looked it up online and it seems there’s a totally mental price range between $40-299 for this album which is why I wasn’t finding it anywhere else for this cheap. What’s the difference? No idea! But I do know I love this album and always wanted it on vinyl so go me! To be honest I could have bought more. They had a great selection.

Even better when I went to pay for my treasure I got to talking to the cashier about how I’d just driven two hours to get to Brimfield and she very graciously gave us a whole list of other nearby antique shops to check out! So sweet!

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Clinton Antique Center – Clinton CT

We’ve been to the Clinton Antique Center before but it was such a large place that it was worth another visit a few months later. And this time didn’t disappoint!

If you read about my previous visit you may remember this place as the antique center where I found a booth FULL of Nazi shit. Like real Nazi things used by actual Nazis probably during World War II. You may be happy to note that although it looks like the same dealer may be selling in his usual booth all the Nazi shit was gone. Hopefully because of public backlash because that level of bad mojo shouldn’t just be hanging out in public spaces. There was however still a whole booth dedicated to racist black memorabilia just around the corner which had one of the most heinous prints I’ve ever seen of a little black boy screaming as a goose clamps down on his most tender of bits which apparently were through a glory hole?! Now this says nothing about black people but the needless sexualization of a SMALL BOY as well as the flagrant racism says much more about the artist! WHAT A CREEPY ASS OLD MAN HE MUST HAVE BEEN. Good riddance.

But really this shop had a lot less offensive material than in previous visits. Most of it this time seemed to be directed at indigenous Americans. You know Indian rubber pull dolls and cigar statues and whatnot. There was also a lot of fun stuff like – a fox who seemed delighted to be taxidermied, a boar head that looked like it was used for testing cosmetics before being put on someone’s wall, a CAST IRON BICYCLE which must have been so fun to ride, many many creepy clowns, a lot of dolls giving an obscene amount of side-eye, and of course a whole bookshelf of books that had titles which aged very badly. Every one of them was a modern innuendo and I was in stitches going through them starting with Scouts in Bondage, Wooden Willie, and Memorable Balls. Seriously, if I lived in a place large enough for a bookshelf or a coffee table I would have been on these like shivers on a Chihuahua. Just hilarious.

It was well worth the revisit! And I am very happy they pulled the Nazi bullshit off the shelves. If that is to be sold at all it should be under great suspicion behind the scenes.

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