Discovering the weird and whimsical sites of New England
Author: Theophanes Avery
Theophanes Avery is a whimsical travel blogger that is hopelessly in love with New England and all it's weird places, people, and things. Besides running way too many blogs they are the author of three books, at least one of them good, and they also enjoy raising aquarium fish in Walsted tanks, sculpting, Sharpie doodling, knitting, tattooing leather, homesteading, and whatever other hobby tickles their raging ADD. Less fortunately they are a hopelessly impoverished spoonie yelling to the world, "WE NEED MORE COMMUNITY!" but alas no one's listening. Make sure to find them on the FaceBook. They love new oddball friends. Fly the freak flag high my darlings!
When I went down to Maryland I was hoping to get one last taste of warm Autumn air but the three days we were there was exactly during a cold wave so the weather was no different than the chilly North we had come from. BOO. Perhaps some tea would warm our frosty little mitts.
I think we ended up here just because it looked inviting. And it was! There were all sorts of teas and spices lining the walls with various related products smattered about. There was even a smelling station to check out the different flavors they had. We spent quite a while just taking a good whiff of each before deciding on which we wanted to try. Towards the back of the shop was an actual tea station where you could order either cold or hot tea in any of the flavors they had in the smelling station. I know I was cold but I’m also filled with too much pride to order a hot beverage before snowfall so I ended up with an iced Berry White. It was delicious! And embarrassingly punderful. My travel companions went for more normal options. I think a dragon was involved. They also bought little packets of tea to bring home… I did not. I’ve fallen down that rabbit hole before back when I had a nice house, a relaxed atmosphere, and neighbors to invite in to casually sip it with me as we looked over the farm. My life feels too chaotic for that now. I’m so on the go all the time that I don’t think I’d have time for that sort of soulful lazing about. Maybe someday if I am ever lucky enough to be able to afford a home of my own I can return to this. For now I was just enjoying my one mugful. And it was gooooood.
On our first evening walking down Market Street I looked up and noticed a two-headed calf in one of the windows. The business that it was drawing attention to was closed but I had to know more. What kind of place would used a two-headed cow to draw in customers?? As it turns out it was a tattoo parlor and curiosity shop. We vowed to come back in daylight which we did.
We all walked in to poke at the curiosities and although this was a small shop it had some weird things… mostly well done taxidermy dressed up in Victorian clothing. Odd but lovable. There was also a few steam punky things, some jewelry, and a reproduction of a two headed baby skeleton. It had a very freak show kind of feel to the place but in a good way. Like celebrating the weird and eccentric.
Sadly they didn’t have any flash on the wall that I could see so I have no idea what kind of tattoos this shop specialized in, if any. None of us got a tattoo soooo this will remain a mystery but it was definitely worth a little looksee either way.
We came across the Record Exchange as we were walking down Market Street and decided to give it a go. It was larger than I thought it would be and oddly enough full of people! I say oddly because usually record stores are pretty unpopulated in the middle of the day. I mean you got to admit it’s a niche market but apparently one that was thriving in Frederick! This place was a’ hoppin’!
All three of us separated into our own individual corners to look at things – the heavy metal section, the used CD’s and DVD’s, and my choice of just wandering at random. My interests are too diverse to fit into any specific genre. I had apparently caught the attention of the cashier who I was aware was watching me. Maybe it was the bright orange hair, I don’t know. But I flipped through the “bargain” bin and found myself a John Sebastian record for $2. The last song on it was I Had a Dream which I never thought I’d find on a record. It’s one of my favs. So I was very happy. I wandered back over to my travel companion who was finding weird DVD’s and then conscious of the cashier still watching me I decided to thumb through the bin reading Hardcore Punk just to make him wonder. Also I’m rather fond of the adorable depictions of disease infested rats that tend to adorn the covers of these records. What can I say, once a rat lover, always a rat lover.
Everyone came back with something to buy. So we made our way to the counter.
“What’d you find?”
“A copy of that old slasher flick about the Texas Arcane murders!”
“Cool. That should be fun. As long as it just looks like exploding watermelons. The cheesier the slasher flick the funnier they are!”
The cashier made a funny expression, probably trying not to let on he was listening to this exchange. I handed my John Sebastian record to him – which is calm 60’s folk. He seemed confused. I left this place endeared and entertained.
And now for one of those new things that has been wrapped into my life because of others. Since we were in a totally different part of the country the idea came up to check out an escape room. This one we just found walking by! As we entered we were warmly welcomed and told there was two openings – one for a saloon game and one for a T-rex game. With a three person team I was given the deciding vote. I went for the dinosaurs. I mean… I’d seen all sorts of escape games in old timey settings but dinosaurs?? I know I’m well into my thirties but come on… dinosaurs are awesome.
ANYWAY. Our game masters seemed happy with our choice and told us if we succeeded that we’d be in for a big surprise at the end. Sounds good to me! The basic gist of the game was that we had to find the T-rexes missing eggs and return them to the nest by going through a series of puzzles. This we did – in the dark because that’s where we started and we never figured out the puzzle that turned the damn lights on. So we’re special. We know that.
This was doubly amusing when at one point I decided to solve one of the puzzles by myself while the others were busy. I knew when I started it that it was meant for two people to be doing at once but fuck that. I was going for the introvert award. Hilariously it did take me a good ten or fifteen minutes but I totally was able to finagle it all by my lonesome. Look! I’m useful! This is new.
We all solved the puzzle and there was indeed a big surprise at the end that scared the bejesus out of all of us, even me, and that’s saying something! Anyway, here’s our winning photo and me as usual looking very… drunk… because I have to blink at exactly the wrong moment every goddamn time. SIIIGH.
I don’t know how long we’d been walking but my feet were to the point they were on fire and my stomach? Rumbly. In fact I think everyone was getting a little punchy when we decided to settle down and find something to eat. We did this by walking by Tsunami and saying, “Hey! How about some noodles?”
Now I admit this whole noodle thing is a new concept for me… but I thoroughly enjoyed it! And so did everyone else. I even got the joy of being tonight’s entertainment because I still don’t understand how chop sticks work. Luckily these were just noodles and stabbing them at random seemed to work fairly OK. All I needed was the dexterity of a drunk toddler. At one point I was so stoked I managed to pick up an egg yolk with my handy little sticks that I made a joyful little noise about my achievement only to have everyone look up just as it disintegrated before my eyes and flopped back into the bowl. So close. I ate the leaf of seaweed as punishment. I used to feed that to my fish and always wondered… I wonder no more.
I ended up with the vegetable noodles because I friggin’ love the mushroom stock at noodle places… and the weird unidentifiable vegetables. It’s added fun, I swear. Loved every minute of it and so did my poor feet! Everyone else seemed to be having a good time too which is great because these photos weren’t taken by me. Clearly someone else in our group was into teasing everyone on social media with images of comfort food. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. Tsunamis was a hit and I think it’s a great place if you want a giant endless bowl of noodles.
One thing I had not planned on was coming across a number of vinyl record shops on our little walk through the city of Fredrick. But I mean how could we possibly resist? This first one wasn’t just a record shop it had an adorable name the Rock and Roll Graveyard. We had passed it on our first night in Fredrick and seeing it was closed we made a mental note to come back the next day. We were not disappointed!
Essentially we thought it was just another one of those cute off-the-street basement vinyl shops but this place actually had two floors and a wide range of music genres to pick through. Everything from folk to punk. And I even found a copy of Alice’s Restaurant for five bucks which I had to buy considering I have been torturing my travel companions with this song extra hard since it’s November and so close to Thanksgiving. I think we all won with this one. And it came with this cool new sticker…
One of my travel companions also made out with a few items selected from the heavy metal bins.
Another thing on our list of to-do’s was to visit an antique store. It’s something we had become accustomed to doing in Rhode Island (where the products are usually quite pricey) and Maine (where every rusty nail is a treasure.) We even discussed potentially finding an antique store with something Civil War related – maybe an old musket ball or something – to see if we could take home something to curse ourselves with. And of course I was on my usual mission of finding the world’s creepiest doll. It’s not a common hobby but it’s my hobby and I like it.
The Antiques Emporium was a great place to stop for all of this. It was huge. Two floors of absolute chaos. Everything from fine furniture to a copy of Marilyn Monroe’s drivers license. And of course there were steam punky things, sharp things, things with faces that shouldn’t have faces, creepy dolls galore, and a painting of an androgynous child I would have totally brought home with me if I had $250.
And some of this stuff was apparently haunted – I can tell because one of my travel companions had to bolt out of the store at one point. No worries, we’re all good now. It was just a case of the heebie jeebies.
After thoroughly dissecting the National Museum of Civil War Medicine we picked a booklet up in the gift shop that detailed a self tour we could take of local Civil War field hospitals. This we did. Now I did not have a booklet… I was just half-way listening as we walked and I snapped photos so I am going to warn you now this is a historically underwhelming entry. HOWEVER, here’s what I learned: when your city is surrounded by battlefields churches make great emergency hospitals! Seriously, there was a church on almost every corner and almost all of them had some sort of involvement in this. If I remember right (and do not quote me on this) I think there were around 17 of them on this tour. It wasn’t a long walk and was all and all quite pleasant. Below are the photos I took – most of which are probably of significant buildings.
Here’s what I do remember – the thing that looks like stables were once slave quarters and later stables. The iron fencing is where there is a nuclear bomb shelter that the locals like to whisper about. The Cherub that looks like he’s peeing in the bushes is actually looking over a brick labyrinth that was kind of fun to walk. The iron dog was once stolen to melt down for bullets but was somehow stolen back and replaced before this could happen. And of course there’s a snallygaster hidden in these photos too. He’s the local cryptid. Also I am sorry if these photos are a little on the blurry side. My camera was really struggling with full sunlight!
Initially the only thing we had planned for sure when we were talking about visiting Maryland was a visit to the National Museum of Civil War Medicine. Why? I guess because it was just morbid enough to be perfectly suited for the both of us. And it didn’t take a lot to convince our other travel companion to go along with it. History is always interesting to poke at… medical history… well, sometimes it’s just nice to be grateful we live in a time with such things as antibiotics. You know, luxury.
I remember as a kid I was singled out by the town historian to play the part of wounded Civil War soldier for some activity we were doing in grade school… I’m fuzzy on what my badge read but I think it was something like, “leg in need of amputation.” So really this was just an extension of this bizarre role play. Not to mention I’d already been to the Mutter Museum in Philly and loved it so this was going to be fun. I looked forward to seeing all the horrifying sharp and shiny medical instruments.
When we got there we very pleasantly surprised. I was expected a little back country museum with a few feeble displays but this was off what seemed a bustling street and it was several floors and even had a spacious gift shop filled with delightfully morbid things – pens in the shape of femurs, a whole library of books on the gruesome subject at hand, and a wonderful assortment of skeleton lithographs – one of which came home with me.
We learned right away that this wasn’t just the medical history museum it was also where the office of missing civil war soldiers once operated. I hadn’t really thought about this much but I guess a lot of soldiers, especially confederate ones, remained unidentified after their deaths.
I am going to admit right here and now that I know very little about the Civil War. I remember it being shoved down my throat in grade school when I was way too young to truly comprehend any of it and then it never being mentioned again. And if I want to be brutally honest this is probably the beginning of me hating school. I mean I had no interest in any of it. And this is unfortunate because I think if it was taught when I was a little older I would have been as fascinated by the human interest side of it as I am now.
With that all being said I’m sure I will say some dumb things about what I’ve learned so here we go! The museum was very well put together and had all sorts of interactive exhibits, a bunch of life size wax figurines, some dioramas, and of course a whole lotta history. Right from the get-go we were greeted by a big display called Civil War Myths and we got to read through them. One for the most repeated was that Civil War surgeons weren’t butchers or barbers, they were actual surgeons and doctors. I mean they wouldn’t stand up to scrutiny today but at the time they were the top of their field. To become a surgeon one had to attend two semesters of classes which spanned over 6 months and took two years to complete both. Granted there seemed to be little real life “practice” shall we say buuut… it was better than nothing.
Things I learned: the Civil War was the birth of the US’s ambulance system. There were a shocking amount of amputations because the bullets at the time were led and shattered upon impact rather than going straight through like modern artillery. There were women working the battlefields as nurses – some were even people of color. Some soldiers brought their entire families with them – which frequently resulted in their wives being cast in unpaid domestic chores and their children dying of dysentery and other camp plagues. Horses were so important to the war effort that the first ever sanctuary/livestock recovery farm was started to nurse injures horses and mules back to health so they could be sent back to the front lines – in the process of doing this the field of veterinary medicine expanded greatly in knowledge – well past the “Well, it’s injured, guess we have to shoot it now” mentality.
Among all the displays of sharp things there were photos of people before and after they were made prosthetics – an industry that again was founded in this tragedy. Some were profoundly disfigured and aside them there was a photo of a pile of amputated parts – feet, legs, hands. It was… honestly a bit stomach turning. And then we found the arm. An actual human arm. Mummified of course. Whose arm was it? Nobody knows! All we know is that it was plucked off a battlefield where it was lying minding it’s own business and brought home by a doctor before being eventually donated to this museum.
Who brings home an arm?!”
“Well he was a doctor…”
“AND?! Unless his name was Frankenstein that doesn’t make it any less WTF!”
We spent quite a bit of time here. It was even more morbid than I anticipated and it was very educational. Perfect for any history buff or medical student in my opinion. I would highly recommend it if you’re ever in Fredrick.
Before leaving for Maryland my travel companion learned that Edgar Allen Poe was buried in Baltimore and asked if he could be lucky enough to see both the grave of H P Lovecraft and Edgar Allen Poe in the span of a month. I didn’t see any issue with this as I love walking through cemeteries and used to know The Raven by heart. So of course this was the first thing we had on our list of to-do’s and the first thing we actually accomplished.
Edgar Allen Poe is buried in the Westminster Cemetery which is still attached to a church and is gated with appropriately Gothic looking iron fencing. It was still daylight so we were able to go in and take a respectful look around. A few tourists were crowded around Poe’s monument but the rest of this dainty cemetery was unpopulated by the living. And boy was it unique! Despite being small it had a lot of character. There were historic markers spread out explaining that a lot of the important people of Baltimore were buried here. Some told stories of prominence while others shed light on tragedy like the mother who lost ten children in her lifetime. Because it was part of church property we got to see stones that were right next to the building a few which seemed to be under it. There were also a number of tombs that appeared to be bricked in above ground burials, the likes of which I have never seen around my New England home. I always thought this was the sort of thing cities prone to flooding did but maybe there was some other reason. Also nestled in a quiet and almost hidden corner (which we only discovered after our guest disappeared around a hedge) was a series of monuments that had some Egyptian flare. One was shaped like a pyramid, another had very Egyptian looking busts. I guess it was in vogue at the time.
All and all this gave the entire cemetery a very unique charm. I almost didn’t want to leave. And of course we found both the original grave of Edgar Allen Poe and his current resting place across the cemetery. Both were adorned with beautiful stones. I couldn’t imagine a better place for one of the founders of the horror genre to be spending eternity.
