We weren’t able to make all of Saturdays activities but we showed up in enough time to catch quite a few of them. Luckily for me traffic was waaay better and we got there early enough to catch a bite to eat without having to eat it while jogging like the day before. I also got to see a gondolah and a deaf couple having an increasingly intense argument with sign language on our walk there. Those were firsts for me.
The vendors were still set up with T-shirts and happily chatted with patrons, the ticket seller remembered us from the day before. I mulled over a sweet little button-up shirt with a cthulhu on it but it was $50 and I realize since getting fat (and growing a stupidly pendulous set of boobs) that cute button ups are best left in my youthful days of thin androgyny. Now if I get a button up shirt that’s half a size too small my boobs are peering through make-shift windows between the buttons and buy one too large and suddenly I’m swimming in a trash bag. Annoying. Curvy people like being cute too.
ANYWAY, once we got in I looked around at an audience that was a couple times the size of the previous day although the theater was far from packed. They were however enthusiastic, even if small in number.
On this night we got to watch several blocks of shorts and a feature film. They were as follows:
Onan’s Harvest: I would have titled this Something Pagan This Way Comes. Just a lot of creatures, and masks, and weird magic in the woods.
After the Fall: Maybe it’s the state of the world today but this one seemed a metaphor for living under fascism via a be-tenticled sky creature.
Triangle: Which was actually a pyramid but I won’t be pedantic. Nothing like basing an entire short on a locked pyramid shaped box with floaty numbers and an attached warning from the village witch.
Five-Star: I’m really scratching my head on this one as I remember absolutely nothing from it. The blurb of it reads, “A diligent locksmith is on a quest for a five star review.” Soooo…. I’m guessing he failed but whose to say! Not me. *nervous chuckle*
Observer: A classic space horror, watching the last memories of a deceased crew.
A Serpent’s Touch: The only thing I remember about this one was the font was so weird I thought it said A Serpent’s Couch. The blurb reads, “In 16th century England Tennebris and his son mourn the passing of the family matriarch.”
The Second Grimoire: Evil books take hold of the minds of those who keep them.
Feature Film: Daemons. This one was a fun throw back to 70’s acid tripping horror, though it takes place in the modern day and is a little more socially conscious. A real We’re All Mad Here kinda film.
Shorts of Madness was the next block which is always a crowd favorite as it is the humor shorts.
Taylor and the Strange John. Is John a frequenter of prostitutes or a toilet? That was my question. The former. Crude but in a mildly shocking giggle kind of way. It’s nice to see a tip of the hat to the working girls.
Sea Legs: Pirate brothels have never been so tenticle-y.
Fisher of Men: A classic hillbilly show down with the opponent being a swamp monster. Quirky simplistic humor that really worked. This one had me laughing pretty hard.
Dry January: A comedy about being a college age fuck-up and deciding to go sober… which for some reason includes a very up-chucky crab man. 🦀
Burned Cans for Aluminum Children: Fun with Play-D’oh! Stupidly cute/funny.
Gusti the Strong vs The Merman: This one is 100% silly. Does not take itself one iota seriously. But still absolutely hilarious. A real joy to watch.
And that was this year’s wrap-up for me although there were several things going on Sunday that we didn’t make it to.
Its that time of year again, time to brandish some scary T-shirts and join the other lovable weirdoes at the H P Lovecraft film festival. This year has been BRUTAL. Things are bleak and we are already feeling like we’re living through a horror movie. Still, it was a MUCH needed break to attend this year. Curiously traffic was horrendous getting into Providence so we ended up late, scarfing down some fast food while jogging to the RISD. We made it just on time, though one of our companions had to relinquish the burning hot fries he had failed to eat while jogging. No food in the theater.
It was a small but dedicated crowd this year. On this night we got to see a block of horror shorts followed by a 40th Anniversary viewing of the ever-grusome satirical cult classic Re-Animator followed by a Q & A with the screen writer, which was for me more entertaining than I anticipated.
The shorts were as follows:
The Outsider: A three minute animation making it’s US debute from Canada. This one showed the struggles of a lonely cyclops just trying to find their people with a comical twist ending.
Stargazer: Answers the question what if stars could come to earth as people and seduce socially fucked up astronomers.
Undertone: I think I was mentally somewhere else for the entire 13 minutes of this one. Despite this being yesterday I remember exactly nothing of it. SORRY.
The Music of Erich Zann: A recently restored 1980’s short depicting how music can drive you mad. Cosmically mad. Ahhhhhhh.
Where the Shadows Feast: This one wasn’t just horror but also a film noir with a black male lead and I must say, I am all here for that. He did a great job and the “shadows” were effectively scary/unnerving which is a high compliment coming from me. Generally I just find horror monsters hilarious… which I think is why people keep looking at me with recognition. Oh, the psycho laugher is back. 😬
The Itch: If ever there were a horror concept I’d be intimately aware of it’d be this. I’ve itched off layers of skin on many occasions and have had yeast infections so angry its made me want to fuck a wad of steel wool. I have not however accidentally killed myself itching too hard. This one had a fun rivalry and a couple twists.
Thrift Store Ouija Board: This one was just super juvenile. Teen girls having a super stupid teen girl spat with the aid of a ouija board. Also if you’re wondering the moving triangle piece on a ouija board is called a planchette. You’re welcome.
And then that brought us to Re-Animator which I’ve seen but apparently repressed 90% of it. The only thing I remembered was the actors. They looked familiar. Sorta. But anyway, it was gorey, gross, and fucked up in that special kind of way that you only see when a group of writers gather around and egg eachother on to write the most depraved thing ever. I respect it for that. I respect it more for adding humor over the top of that. It is however very much a movie of its time with the only woman present a bit of an annoying bobble-headed blonde. There was an attempted rape scene enacted by a decapitated head so that was… just ewe. Honestly, I felt this was more ewe than all the other ewes. And there was a lot of other ewes.
Afterwards the screenwriter Dennis Paoli took questions and talked a little about it. He explained it was a very short run film that only played in a handful of theaters because it was unrated (GEE, I WONDER WHY) and that it gained popularity when it came out on VHS. Now its a cult classic and I’m happy it was never remade. I can deal with 70’s gore but hyper realistic current gore would be too much for me personally. He also accidentally brought the mood of the entire room down by pointing out all the themes in the movie that made it so terrifying – male researchers who don’t know when to stop, the promise of great wealth to potentially evil creations, a broken health care system, humanity’s fear of death, and even the horror of college loans are probably all worse today than 40 years ago. Weren’t we all here to momentarily escape the bleakness of current American living?
Luckily he cheered us all right back up by wandering way off the beaten path and telling us how his theater play version of Peter Pan was banned for nudity. Peter Pan was re-imagined as a hippie, Tinkerbell was his boyfriend, the Indians were replaced with black folk, the pirates were Chicago police, flying was just tripping on acid and the flying scene was both male and female actors dancing naked to In A Gadda Da Vida. “And we didn’t even change the dialogue at all from the origional. It just worked.” And now I want to time travel to see this. I already had a soft spot of fucked up retellings of Peter Pan since I saw an absolutely god awful independant film called Neverland: Never Grow Up, Never Grow Old where Tinkerbell was a user/seller of fairy dust, Neverland was an abandoned amusement park, and Hook was a Pan-obsessed leather bound pedophile. This makes me nostalgic for the independant film era of the 2000s before corporations bought them all out and turned them back to shit. To be fair this entire film festival makes me want to start making my own little films. Probably animation as I don’t have the people skills to successfully convince a handful of “actors” to run through a park acting crazy or whatever I’d need to accomplish such a task. My creative mind is still aching to play, even as the rest of me is crushed by currant circumstance. Tell you what though, if ever globalized healthcare and universal basic income become a thing here in the US I promise I’ll make y’all a little film.
I’m not going lie, I’ve been absent from my blog because my life has been absolutely insane lately, and I haven’t had the spoons to do fun stuff like travel. That being said, I still wanted to attend the NecronomiCon, billed as, “the international conference and festival of Weird Fiction, Art, and Academia!” I mean… who could resist with that tagline? Probably neurotypical people now that I think about it. Thank the Eldrich gods I’m not one of those.
This year we wanted to attend some of the short films and the live radio show but also wander and hit some things we hadn’t in previous adventures – like the art exhibit and a puppet show. We started at the vendors, obviously, to check out which artists and crafters had shown up with adorably crocheted abominable horrors and whatnot. The first artist was indeed exactly that and boy did she know her audience! Her creations were perfection for anyone who loves the cross section between horror and cute huggable things. I almost bought a tiny baby Cthulhu in a plant pot but decided maybe I should wait on that as the place had just opened after all. This woman mopped the floors, with her competitors though. She almost sold out by the end of the day! I was more than impressed, so much so I took a card saying that I could find her at crochetmecurios on facebook and beyond.
Beyond this there were artists with paintings, prints, wood etchings, T-shirts, books galore, and even the most inventive take I have ever seen for a bra, aptly titled, “The over-the-shoulder-beholder-boulder-holder,” which you can totally buy at Dogzillalives’ Etsy Shop for a very befitting $666. As much as I LOVE that I’m also not that loaded (or perky-breasted) so I ended up buying mostly postcards as well as a wood etching and a small print. My companions bought crochet things, T-shirts, DVDs of former film festival shorts, and a variety of other things. Clearly this room was dangerous so we meandered out and started walking to our next destination – the art exhibit. It was a bit of a walk in a little gallery next to Lovecraft Arts and Sciences which is a fun little bookstore if there ever was one. Since we got there early, a few minutes before it actually opened, we wandered into the bookstore and checked it out. This place is also dangerous for weirdoes with spare change. What it lacks in size it makes up in uniqueness. I ended up with a book titled Death in Early New England: Rites, Rituals, and Remembrance which is soooo niche and sooo my kind of rabbit hole! Every time I hit this bookstore it always has something cool.
From here we ambled back somewhere else for the film festival and watched the first block of shorts. They were all very tame, I must say, nothing too outlandish, mostly going back on old tropes about our cursed colonial settlers. Though one did imagine, in the most brutal way possible, what it might be like to be kept as a pet by an alien. It was less Fantastic Planet and more Dr Rat as they started as lab subjects before becoming less than loved pets. It was… creative.
From here we made it to a shadow puppet show because why not? When one comes across a shadow puppet show there is no other option but to see what it’s all about. That one was an experience. We got there early, once again, as a crowd gathered outside this tiny establishment. You might wonder who was in the crowd, waiting as an adult to see a puppet show, and you’d be surprised it was quite diverse in age, gender, and expression, though that one very particular guy was also there asking everyone if this was an American styled shadow puppet show or a Japanese styled puppet show. No one knew. Or cared. Well, except for him. He apparently really loved Japanese culture. Eventually we’d be herded into this tiny room with a stage, all 300 or so of us. It was immediately hotter than the sun from everyone’s body heat and I couldn’t really stop my intrusive thoughts from telling me cuddling up like sardines was how people die, god forbid a fire should break out. My intrusive thoughts are always super cheerful like that.
ANYWAY, there was one woman putting on the whole production. She played a recording to narrate the story which was a voice actor and a theramin playing in the background. We’d hoped for a live theramin but I guess a recorded theramin is better than no theramin at all. I was just sad the aforementioned music was more high-pitched screeching noises than cool hovering woo-woo noises. We were warned this was a low budget production. It was entirely done via an Old School projector and what appeared to be colored cellophane scraps and bits of cardboard cut into silhouettes. I was a bit distracted by the fact much of the cellophane pieces had random bits of scribblings on them and as well as scratches and at times tattered edges but hey, one person’s trash is another person’s…. shadow puppet. All joking aside it was actually well done. I enjoyed the story and the silhouettes were apt. But it was time to be off once again.
We made our way back to the vendors where I then bought the things I’d eyed earlier but still had some time to kill so we decided to check out the gaming rooms. By this time I must have been showing my wear. I was getting very tired both physically and mentally. It’d already been a long day. So long in fact I forgot to mention we’d already found food at some psychedelically inspired cafe and did a mini walking tour where we glared at the shunned house of Lovecraftian fame which now had a cute little terrace and a sign that read in French, “Warning, weird dog.” Of course, the second my fatigued non-gaming butt walked through the door the woman at the table immediately told us all about the free coloring pages and crayons and showed us to some empty somewhat dark tables. BLESS NEURODIVERGENT CROWDS. That was the kinda break I could use! But first we noticed the vendor tables. I thought that’s why we were up here but my companion actually had no real inclination this would have it’s own separate vendors and was immediately smitten as a magpie at all the shiny things. I do love shiny things myself but I don’t know what they are or what they signify. Nonetheless I took a pamphlet from a pirate(?) boy and made it look like I knew what he was talking about when he discussed his new game described within it – as one does – I like to be encouraging. And then I handed it back to someone who very likely had more knowledge than myself and went back to playing with the giant die with the floaty eyeball in it. I don’t need to know shit to enjoy that! By this time we had 10 minutes to hurredly color before the doors closed so we did so. Man, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve used crayons. They’re like coloring something with cheap birthday candles. But it was stupid fun and we got to hang up our precious artwork next to the others who… clearly spent more than 10 minutes on theirs.
Onto the live radio show which was the H P Lovecraft Historical Society’s Dark Radio Theater’s presentation of The Shunned House. We had no idea this too was also filled to the brim with people and just like the puppet show we were left without a seat standing numbly in the back. I hadn’t worn my knee braces all day and I was one hurting puppy from all the walking. I decided I didn’t need to see anything (it was a radio show after all) and sat on the floor with a gaggle of others. That was no less painful as I had no back support and half my body was going numb. Those who had room just lay down. I was entertained by the show itself and the little story it told but because I was also blind to the stage I had the double entertainment of the audience bursting out in weird noises at random whenever the screen up front prompted them to help out. I was also delighted to see someone else taking a cellphone photo of the same patch of rug I’d taken a photo of a year before. It’s a pretty design! Actually, the people at these things always add to my joy of the whole event. Their choice in wardrobe is always wonderful. This year there was a Fantastic Planet T-shirt, a full-blown rat suit, the aforementioned pirate boy, and a chick wearing a tutu wound with lit Christmas lights. The last of which was likely on her way to the ball – which is extra I’m told. I said yeah, extra extra as you’d also need to find something bomb to wear. Someday.
All and all it was an exhausting but very much worth it day of hanging out with fellow freaks and geeks. Until next year – love y’all!
We went to the Spring Brimfield Antique Show on the day of its opening and I meant to post this not long after but you know… I’ve been on the go for over a month now and crashed pretty fucking hard. Tonight, I am feeling a little back to myself so I am going to regale you with all the delightful weirdness we found.
First off I must say I took A TON of photos with my phone, only a portion of which I have been able to upload. UGH. It’ll have to do! We arrived at noonish, I think, and paid $20 to park at the church having learned our lesson for trying one of the ten dollar lots on an earlier visit. Today I had two companions, one which had never been before which is always double the fun. All three of us were immediately overwhelmed. This place is HUGE. We were there all day and made it to the back of one of the lots but probably only saw MAYBE a 4th of what there was to see and some of the vendors told us there were still whole fields not even open yet!!
It proved to be a fantastic day for haunted dolls, terrifying carousel horses, blasphemy, antique titties, mounds of racist bullshit for every minority, a random smattering of Nazi regalia, lots of weird iron banks, MARBLES, and whimsy galore. And the vendors themselves were often very sweet! We ended up getting tips to find free water and bathrooms from one adorable hippie couple towards the end and we didn’t even buy anything from them.
Of course, the food trucks were also out which made keeping myself hydrated extra easy! The fresh squeezed lemonade is an outrageous $5 a cup but goddamn is it good! We also had some bomb pulled pork. But that’s all besides the point.
We had spent the day mostly just weaving between the unbelievably wholesome where we “awed” and the over the top inappropriate which we giggled like 12-year-olds and made equally obscene jokes about. At least one of the vendors was amused I was joining in this game – I don’t care I have tits, I also have a sense of humor.
“I don’t know if this Jesus is in pain or orgasming.” “He looks Catholic, so both.” [Sorry, not sorry, I’ve seen too much church sponsored torture porn to answer this in any other way.]
So. Many. Dolls. Swarms of them! Sailors, mammies, porcelain, drawers of doll parts, steam punked horror doll lamps… and clowns… I mean quite a few things here looked proper haunted including some of the furniture and there was so much furniture this time around! We agreed it’d be super fun if we had money to come here and just furnish a whole damn house. They even had a booth of house plants! And they were GORGEOUS and healthy. So many succulents! One was over $600.
Of course, one of my favorite spots was well to the back where there weren’t many people, an artist was tending his forest of 10-foot-tall metal mushrooms which swayed in the wind and made my heart just go pitter patter. They were over a grand a piece but maaaan… the whimsy! I felt like I was in Wonderland! Similarly, a metal artist near the road had some really impressive beasts made of nuts and bolts and whatnot including a life size moose head. Again, if I had that kinda money… *heart eyes*
I did end up with a print from a local artist of a bunny in an overcoat. It was so cute I couldn’t leave it there! I did leave a bunch of marbles. They were everywhere, without price tags, which is why none came home with me. That and one packet literally said they were pickaninny marbles and had a super racist little logo. My melanin blessed companion made sure to point them out, as well as all the mammies and no colored allowed signs, in part I think to see the response of the vendors which is indeed an extra layer to this game and makes it even more amusing.
Meanwhile, my other companion has become somewhat jaded to all the Nazi memorabilia but not completely. He still finds it fascinatingly distasteful. Who would buy this?! He asks that a lot. Not me. That’s some bad mojo there.
Anyway, enjoy the photo dump of all the weirdness. Due to AdSense rules I couldn’t keep in any of the antique titties. Or weird erotic fanart. Sorry.
Today I decided to strike out on my own and take a long drive to New York – three hours away – in part because I was invited to do so and I was intrigued. For the first hour of the drive I was going through torrential downpours hoping there was no flooding because when it comes to taking the Prius swimming there are no winners. My GPS was similarly uncooperative and refused to acknowledge the address I typed in was in fact real. Eventually I’d have to pit the GPS and my phone navigation against each other in a death match. Just kidding, both devices are still fine, I assure you.
But that’s not to say I wasn’t a little frazzled when I finally drove in, more so when I realized I’d have to parallel park. I tried. God’s honest truth I tried. But eventually I gave up and drove quite a distance just to be the last car parked in the line. See, that was easy, now to hoof it the half mile up the street. Slight exaggeration, though the man at the register seemed to pick up on how much of a hot mess I was in that moment. It was an awkward exchange.
This place was bizarre. I had no idea what I was walking into when I came here. I guess I just expected a gymnasium full of vendors like you see in markets back in the sticks but no, this venue seemed to be an old roadside attraction/camp that had long been past its glory years and was now cashing in on how creepy it had become in its state of semi-decay. And why not? Little haunted houses and spooky props seemed to be just the normal background scenery here which made it a charming and strange open-air market. I kinda fell in love with this place as I took some photos before wandering around and finding the vendors in what felt like a Byzantine layout.
I’d been initially invited here as a vendor but these past couple years have been hard in the creativity department. Usually I have something, or a lot of somethings, in the way of art but not lately. Plus I sorta wanted to poke at this place and see what was actually selling here. I’ve been to so many different markets that I knew my particular flavor of art wasn’t always appreciated. Or almost ever if I’m honest. Being a vendor is hard work! I was however delighted to see that I would have fit right in had I decided to be a vendor. The people here were weird, proudly weird, which is the best kind of weird. If you were a witch, they had you covered. Crystals, potions, sage wands, tarot decks and positive vibes you’d find it all here in multiple booths. Then there were the bones, the repurposed scary dolls, and rings made in the shape of human teeth. Weird and whimsical paintings coyly dotted several booths here and there, one fellow had an absolutely gorgeous collection of photography prints of abandoned places, several vendors had an assortment of small fabric creations, a young writer pitched his book real hard but he didn’t have to. I bought it anyway because I like encouraging writers. I also love encouraging artists which is why I also ended up with a button and another small token I bought for a friend which I won’t be talking about just in case they’re reading this!
At some point I ended up in Candy Land – the pot vendors. They had EVERYTHING. And all in such bright colors! Every edible known to man and then some. And some little colorful bongs and I don’t know what else. I sorta wandered away after someone offered a sample. Sample of what I don’t know but I felt like I should drift off before accidentally eating a tab of acid or something. Not that I think anyone here was malicious in any way, that’s just 100% how my life goes. Not a day goes by where I am not asking myself, “How did that just happen?!” And this includes two separate occasions of accidentally eating psychotropic berries. So yeah, I’m talented.
I was really enjoying this. I’d found all my favorite kinds of people so far – witches, hippies, people in full steam punk regalia, stoners, artists, really all the empaths on the fringe of society. This was especially so for the woman selling cutting boards, soap, and paddles presumably to beat lovers with. I’m not sure how these things are related as this is also not my wheelhouse, but the sex positivity was refreshing in any event. I ordered a cup of corn chowder and sat just in front of the aforementioned vendor. Why? People watching. It was the perfect spot for that. While I was there I messaged the organizer of this event (and hilarious author) Jeff Mach and did a short meet and greet. It’s always lovely to finally put a face to my Twitter and/or Facebook friends! I wished him good luck as I went about my afternoon.
I must say the vendors and customers alike at this place were all super nice! I lost count how many compliments I got on my bellbottoms, silly T-shirt, and vibrant orange hair. Got into one discussion with a vendor about my age – 38 – to which both vendors gasped, “You do not look 38!” THANK YOU. You know how to flatter these creaky old bones!
Anyway, I am writing this tonight in the hopes someone may see it and join the festivities tomorrow as this is a three-day event Fri-Sun. And maybe if you’re reading this later on who knows, it could be an annual event if enough people like it… I certainly did!
Hey hey! I am back after an inevitable health crash to post this final blog entry on the film festival. Such is life!
I attended the third and final day of the HP Lovecraft Short Film Festival which was by far the most popular, the biggest audience we’d seen and they seemed such a lovely assortment of people, some of them completely unexpected like a whole row of little old ladies straight out of church on that Sunday morning. Suffice to say they didn’t last long – just three shorts before the last got too gross for them to continue. But hey! At least they’re out there doing something new! Good for them! Also in the group was a large collection of clearly neurospicy people, a few Goth girls, some gamers, some artists.. it was lovely.
It was such a sweet gaggle of people that my travel companion, and the reason I was here, was trustworthy enough to leave his backpack in a chair to save his seat during intermission. I am not that trusting! Ain’t no way I’m leaving my purse to be pawed through by some ne’er-do-well. My wallet is in there as well as my meds. Not like they’re anything interesting – only if you happen to have a hankering for birth control or antacids but still. Even so the backpack was unmolested when we returned so who knows, maybe I’m the paranoid one here. These were good people. Happy people. Weird people.
Most of the films on the roster were world premieres so that is always fun. They made me want to make my own movie – a wee animated film of baby Cthulhu doing stupid antics to the tune of The Popcorn Song. I could do this. I might even be able to submit it. But I probably should be focusing on less frivolous projects. Food’s getting very expensive!
ANYWAY… where was I? Oh yes, the films! As I have done in Part One and Part Two of this festival, I will now add teasers about each film. No spoilers, promise.
First I’ll detail the feature film: Frogman: A found footage horror about a four foot tall anthropormorphic frog and an entire town that keeps his dirty frog secrets. To the other person in the theater who laughed inappropriately whenever the frogman jumped onto the screen: thank you. I like not being the only psycho in the audience.
The Weaver: Another cougar flick but with boogers.
Disassociation: All those who wander are not lost. Sometimes they’re just trying to rob you.
Our Tell-Tale Heart: There’s a reason the tell-tale heart is so iconic. It’s because it’s still a fucking terrifying idea. This time the cops are coming in.
Play It All Night Long: What happens when you piss off the music demons, stick around and find out.
Death Parts Us: Short, trippy, confusing enough for me to lose my attention span. My bad.
Oddities: As a frequenter of antique stores this one was written for me and my possessed doll loving heart.
Howie’s Flowers: This film was shorter than this sentence but still broke my fucking heart! WHY?!
The Wyrm of Bwich Pen Barras: SO THAT’S what Welsh sounds like! This one had severe folk tale vibes and I goddamn loved it.
The Stool with Pants and Shoes on: Very self-explanatory. Weirdly coherent. Great quirky humor.
Don’t Bother the Neighbors: Tentacles and Kung-Fu or Tentacle-Fu if you will.
Fax Repair and You: Old School special effects show off. Hardcore.
Nosepicker: Illustrating the one unifying concept of humanity: where there are children there will be boogers. Also, a way too literal interpretation of the boogeyman. Did I mention it was gross? So gross. Like very sticky wet gross.
Wizinski’s AC Services: When prank phone calls go wrong.
And that was that! Had a delightful time all three days and even bought a swank T-shirt. It’s got three hares and a human-y standing goat dancing around a campfire in the woods. Very Dionysian. Love it.
Until next time it’s been nice sharing this experience with my fellow weirdos. Much love!
Today began with some sort of police chase and ended with the river on fire. And none of this had anything to do with the film festival but it makes for a hilarious story!
Sadly, we couldn’t make it for the first set of shorts, but we were able to arrive in time for the second block and the feature film. This time the journey there was a lot easier and so was parking (man did I luck out there!) and everything seemed all calm and quiet. But then as we walked the short distance to the theater we were passing a small car parked side the street when suddenly it lit up, started going “WOO-WOO! WOO-WOO!!” and flung itself around in a wild half-crazed U-turn that nearly ended in ramming into a car just minding its own business in the normal traffic pattern. UGH. I HATE the fact unmarked squad cars are a thing. Everyone on the street is suddenly on edge and then out of nowhere came a whole parade of cops, zooming back in forth crisscrossing each other in opposing directions and driving just completely feral. Pretty much all the regular traffic said, “Fuck this” and turned off onto side streets as the wooping and lights continued to barrage everyone’s senses. I have no idea who they were chasing or why or even if they were chasing someone. Maybe they were trying to flush someone out. I don’t know, but the show of force was alarming, and it was all anyone waiting outside the theater could talk about. That was quite the start of the evening! Also fitting it was a horror film festival. One could argue such a show of force and complete disregard for other traffic and people in the streets is horror enough. But I digress.
As I did with last night’s blog entry I will now give a no spoilers teaser for each film we saw.
The Weaver: A foreign film about the ultimate cougar – and not the feline kind. Bonus points for lots of gross moments.
From Beyond: Trippy World War II Steampunkery. Sorta.
Grogan’s Lodge: Possibly the most fucked up thing I have seen in a LONG while. (It’s a Kenyan film and there’s a special kind of horror that is born to colonialism and multi-generational trauma…)
Whisper in the Static: Mean Girls but with an alien static creature somehow involved. (I actually thought this one felt the most genuine because of the all-female cast. They played well into the psychology of youth.)
Beyond Video: Serving up a warm freshly wound tape of nostalgia this one’s set in a VHS rental store. It’s French and weird and what else do I have to say?
Hideous Heart: Space Madness.
Still Up There: An animated film that got super uncomfortably weird.
The Feature Film was Suitable Flesh “An erotic body-swapping horror” which I was 100% expecting to be another excuse to devolve into tentacle porn but guess what? Not a tentacle to be seen! Had a surprisingly coherent story line considering that descriptive blurb. Plus body swapping and a good old fashioned cliche of getting stuck in the madhouse.
After the films finished many in the audience took a brief stroll to the river to observe the “Fire and Water Days” – i.e. a bunch of flaming things floating about the water. And so ends my tales for tonight.
It’s that time of year again! Where all the local eccentrics gather for a good old fashioned scream fest. Or chuckle fit. Depending on if you’re one of those people. And it’s really nice because we can attend this year with a clear conscience since these films are all independent and are not part of any ongoing writer strikes. So, the cute local theater gets their share of attention, the films get theirs, and the whole audience benefits as well. It’s sweet really.
So, who is really attending these things anyway? A surprising amount of people if I am honest and they seem to be from all walks of life. I was even happily surprised by a handful of unrelated black people who showed up. Why? Because HP Lovecraft was apparently just as appalling a racist as he was a horror writer and because of that I can see why most people of color would probably want to stay away. That being said there seems to be a marked effort by these particular fans to be as not racist or shitty as possible with an eye towards diversity as you’ll see later. But really the biggest reason I was so happy to see a few melanin-gifted faces here amongst the crowd is because I think it’s hilarious. I mean if I were black I would make a point to like HP Lovecraft and inspire others to do the same – just to see the poor bastard roll in his grave. But that’s me. Spreader of joyful chaos.
The film festival this year was held at the Columbus Theater with a few other related events at different spots around town that included readings, walking tours, and a few mixers. And let’s not forget the vendors! An assortment of lovely Lovecraftian T-shirts, some horror books, and various delightful arts and novelties were available.
We attended for both blocks of short films as well as the night’s much longer feature which were separated by a small 20-minute intermission. Without spoiling anything I’d like to give some very short “reviews” of each film (more in the spirit of a teaser because they were all wonderful!)
To Fire You Come at Last: A rich 17th century arsehole may or may not get eaten. (This one was British and had some fun twists!)
Night-Gaunts: PUPPETS!!!
Ihruqax: This Swedish film shows a young blind woman just trying to figure out what’s going on when madness starts spreading through her sighted peers.
Dead Enders: Clerks but with facehuggers. And yes, it was just as funny as it sounds.
A King in Yellow: Deaf girl gets foisted into a seriously trippy series of places and events.
Terror: 11 minutes of confusing back-to-back flashbacks. Would not suggest watching if you are prone to seizures.
The Temple: This Canadian film features a bunch of Germans in a U-boat speaking French and being subtitled in English. I know, that shorted out my brain a little bit too. But after the initial confusion it was actually a super decent film!
Then there was the night’s feature film Gods of the Deep which was where a deep-sea submarine fiddled about the ocean’s bum. (Don’t know why this review is in British. I may have had a stroke.) It also answered the uncomfortable question how close you can get to tentacle porn without actually being tentacle porn…
And that was the evening. All and all it was really quite pleasant. I wasn’t at any point scared but I did get a few good laughs, a few may have been at inappropriate times but what can I say? I’m off in the head.
