Delaney Antiques [Clocks] – West Townsend Massachusetts

After going to the Hobart Antique Mall we realized that directly across from it there was another sign reading Antiques across the road. We decided to explore this further having no idea what it was. The sign out front seemed even older and more worn out than the Hobart Village Antiques but there was cars in the lot so we held on for the ride. The entrance was a little weird but we found it and then walked into one of the bizzarest places we’ve been yet. Suddenly we were surrounded on all sides by antique clocks, all ticking. At the risk of dating myself I felt like I was walking into a scene from Hook but unlike the kid in that movie I didn’t have a baseball bat and a bad influence instead I had an immediate panic attack. Ticking is one of my triggers that brings me right back to grade school when some teacher thought it was a great idea to teach children math through timed tests. So we all sat with our multiplication tables and and who got to sit next to the loudly ticking egg timer? You guessed it! Me! I never did learn my multiplication tables and to this day I find timed tests to be child torture. Recently I’ve gone back to learn my math with DuoLingo and was more than horrified to find part of its lessons are again, timed tests. No ticking but still as anxiety inducing.

I swallowed hard and walked in anyway knowing I was being neurotic, these are grandfather clocks, not Acme bombs, and no one’s asking me math questions. Just put on your big kid pants and deal with it.

This place was a two level post and beam barn filled in every corner with grandfather clocks against every wall and in the middle of the room? Tables with smaller mantle clocks. All in pristine condition, all ticking, all reading a different time! So now not only was I sweating hard from panic I was also struggling not to twitch from the chaos of none of them being set right. This is an autistic person’s nightmare, honestly, so much so I noticed I wasn’t taking any photos of individual clocks so I closed my eyes, breathed a moment, and allowed my instinct to drag me to the most interesting looking clock. It had an elaborate wood inlay pattern, the likes I’d never seen before. I took a moment to take a picture of that before walking up the stairs which was decorated with clock faces, so many clock faces.

By the time we made it to the second floor my companion was quietly talking. These clocks are neat but expensive he lamented. He looked at the price tag on one which was over a grand. I blinked, happy to be focusing on something other than the ticking, and said well yeah, the one you picked has a mahogany inlay. By now the shop keep had come up and started talking to us. Ask any questions, he welcomed. So my companion asked about Newport Rhode Island and apparently back in the day they had a few famous clock makers and he pointed out those clocks as we riffed about what an odd place colonial Newport was. One of these clocks was made of solid walnut, I nodded and said, “When we still had walnut trees” which seemed to delight the shop keep who confirmed the sentiment. Black walnut still exist in the United States but are near extinct due to diseases and pests that thrived in the pine forests we planted after cutting down every old forest hardwood tree that existed here. There are conservation efforts going on right now to grow more and the public can help. This is one of the reasons I want to own land – to be a custodian of some of these precious trees, grown from nuts acquired through these programs.

We also got to see a reproduction piece of furniture from the John Brown house that was the most expensive piece of American furniture to be sold at auction. It was indeed beautiful.

I asked what the oldest clock was and he showed us a grandfather clock built in 1610. It was English and spent most of its life in England and France. Strangely enough it was the one clock I took a singular photo of with the ornate wood inlays. I’d been drawn to it for a reason!

We thanked the owner for the history lesson and said we’d refer anyone looking for an antique clock here! Hell, if we ever end up with the old farm house of my dreams I’m not guaranteeing that won’t be us someday. You know if this blog ever goes viral and we end up with clock money!

Antiques Market – Bangor Maine

After a long day we wanted to come back to Bangor and find something to eat but after parking we decided we were close enough to this antique store to brave the negative degree winds and check out one more place. This was surprisingly large for being directly in the city but I guess Bangor isn’t that big of a city compared to others in New England where rent prices might be outrageous. As such it was easy to get to by foot and despite having an entrance that didn’t look spectacularly large it was two full floors of stuff!

The first floor looked like any Main Street antique store – just lots of stuff in cases and likely for higher price tags. There were coins, books, jewelry, and of course salt and pepper shakers which are a must! One of the walls had what really looked like a haunted photograph of a 1920’s or 30’s child star, though I couldn’t place the name. I also enjoyed finding a manual to oral birth control from the 60’s. What you should know about taking the new pill! Do tell me.

The basement was where the cheaper and weirder antiques were that were more our style. Bizarre squirrel taxidermy, retro Halloween decorations, TONS of paintings depicting pioneers fighting bears for some reason, old political cartoons, a few lovable cookie jars, and of course a haunted doll or two. This was a fun little jaunt to end the day, worth it if you’re already walking through Bangor and seeing the sights.

Two Old Goats Antiques – Trenton Maine

Two Old Goats Antiques was the second to last antique store we decided to visit and funny enough I don’t think we’d been there before even with a catchy business name!

The first thing I noticed walking in was a wooden whale on the wall that freakishly looked like it had human teeth (on closer inspection they were rocks but this somehow didn’t make it any less distressing to look at.) The second thing I noticed was the cutest goddamn pit mix wandering around greeting people and what a good pup she was! I did not steal her. I may have wanted to.

This shop was on the smaller side but the things in it were sufficiently weird to make me smile especially in their unheated garage section where I found a box of lawn darts on the floor. I’ve heard of lawn darts and how dangerous they were but I’d never seen them and was absolutely horrified to learn they weren’t the size of regular darts. These suckers were the size of soup cans and just as heavy with a goddamn spear on the end. No wonder they were taken off the market! How many jugulars did these flying death pokers hit?!

Other fun finds included a three-foot-tall soulless Easter Bunny with nothing but gaping black voids for eyes. The tag literally read, “Buy if you dare.” And I can appreciate the humor in that! I really liked this one painting of two weird carousel horses for 35 bucks, but I couldn’t justify buying it. I don’t have a wall to put it on but someday, should I ever gnaw my way out of Dickensian poverty I shall have the most glorious and bizarrely decorated house that ever existed, displaying all sorts of uncomfortable treasures from my trips to antique stores – deathly looking portraits of Victorian children, an iron piggy bank displaying a dentist ripping out the tooth of a small child, a row of haunted ventriloquist dummies, and the kind of folk art that will make you wonder if I bought it from a mental institution. Promises, promises!

Hancock Creamery and Antique Mall

I’ve been to the Hancock Creamery before but for some reason it never got posted?? Which is weird because that day we walked in and all I ended up buying was this awesome book of creepy photos and poems that one of the workers there wrote. It was called Sea Witch; Photographs, Poems and Forget Me Nots from a Mainer Growing Up. I should have had her sign it… as it absolutely delightful! The photography was whimsically dark, the poetry vulnerable, and it’s by a local author! What’s not to love?(Though for legal reasons I have to tell you if you buy it from the link above I will receive a small commission. I’m trying something new with this Amazon Associate experiment.)

This time around there wasn’t a stack of books at the door but instead we were greeted by an old man offering us fudge. Apparently, every Friday is fudge day. It was delightful fudge! And the antique store didn’t disappoint, just rows and rows and isles of some of the strangest damn things – everything from lobster shakers to a two-foot-tall chocolate Easter bunny mold to a decapitated ceramic clown head. Everyone needs one of those. And it was for the most part all different stuff than the last time. This has definitely been added to our list of continued haunts!

Town Line Antique Center – Vassalboro Maine

It’s that time of year! Our few days of Maine vacation! And this was the first antique store that popped up on our radar. It was not disappointing – an expansive mall that seemed to go on for miles getting increasingly unhinged. Very Stephen King-like.

So many dolls! And they all looked so joyous to be probably haunted. Also an old ESP test card kit met us practically at the door. This place was going to be weird… and it was! The bric-a-bracs were just…. baffling. Clowns having tea, a fully dressed anthropomorphic elephant with a top hat, a “barber” holding his razor to some poor Joe’s throat?? WEIRD. Very weird. The kind of weird you shouldn’t look at for two long in case you become part of the display in the case. *Twilight Zone music plays*

There were also a few booths from local artists, a nice stockpile or uranium glass, an inordinate number of weird books, some distressingly well-done taxidermy, and some Christmas decorations that could have put Liberace to shame. HOLY GLITTER.

This place was definitely worth the drive. It was large and had something for everyone – even the all-out freaks. What’s not to love about that?

Historic Antiques and Coins – Yarmouth Massachusetts

Sometimes when you’re having a great day and you just don’t want it to end you find a second antique store to go to and that’s what we did. We drove straight from our wonderful visit at Sandwich Antiques to… this place… which was decidedly less whimsical. Sure, one of my companions kept entertained with a cache of swords and I found a decoy duck but all and all this was mostly a military antique store and as such didn’t really have the flare I was looking for. Not to mention the whole counter of Nazi bullshit was… You know, I’m just tired, that’s all.

The only really entertaining thing I found was an absolutely batshit bizarre painting which depicted a couple and the floating disembodied heads of two children in a puff of cigar smoke. What did is meeeeean??? We may never know.

East Coast Props and Antiques – Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Our last antique store of the day was East Coast Props and Antiques which was a nice way to round out the day. It was much smaller than the other two places but I think it had a lot of charm. It even was selling bundles of sage just in case you were in the market for buying something haunted. It’s the little things that show how much you appreciate your customers.

My companion was happy to have found not just a few straight razors but a sharpening rock and a strap to go with them. Late 1800’s and well loved. I on the other hand was SUPER tempted by a tiny $16 teddy bear who was practically tatters and rags. He was both adorable and potentially cursed. What’s not to love?! Only reason I passed on him is I am still spending most of my free time battling asshole mice who keep eating all my cloth items. Maybe not the best environment for a teddy bear who is already only barely holding on to life.

The rest of the shop wasn’t without charm containing one of the weirdest vases I’ve ever seen adorned with cherubs with weird facial expressions and dubious intentions. There was also a disturbingly buff Saint Peter statue and a distressing little ceramic of a boy sitting on a clown (fireman?) lap that just seemed… off. Mostly because of the expressions on each’s face.

Finally, there was a toddler sized rocking horse on a high shelf pleading people not to sit on it…. WOW. I thought this was a lovely little shop myself even though it was on the smaller side. I felt it had a lot of personality.

Antiques at Edgerly Farm – Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Our second antique store of the day was Antiques at Edgerly Farm and it was on the swanker side, although certainly not as steep as the antique stores we have seen in parts of Connecticut! There were a number of cherubs about that I am sure someone would have loved. I however find the idea of a winged toddler a bit terrifying. Just WHY? Of all the things you could give wings to… A TODDLER?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Not to be outdone there was a very expensive looking ceramic clown in the window which was just as jarring on the nerves. I was impressed by their wall of old tools. Something about it made me happy. It was a good display! I also really adored the ornamental wood stove.

As usual the attic had the more affordable and at times bizarre options the most unique of which was a birdhouse made from a stiffened denim glove. I also found a book called The AIDS Hoax from when AIDS was deadly proving that idiots have always existed in every generation. There’s a certain comfort in that.

Anyway, this shop may not have been as impressive as the last but it wasn’t underwhelming by any means. Definitely worth a checking out if you’re in the area or antiquing anyway.

Route 1 Antiques – Hampton Falls New Hampshire

We had decided to go to Maine to attend the Cryptozoology Convention and in the process we decided to take the opportunity to hit a few antique stores during the long drive north. Route 1 Antiques in Hampton Falls NH (not to be confused with Route 1A Relics in Ellesworth Maine) was the first of three we would check out on this day.

This was a shop that was clearly situated in a repurposed old farmhouse and upon walking in I felt it was a place that was a little rich for my blood. All I saw was well maintained display cases. But there was a shop dog working as a door buzzer and being that she was rather cute I settled in. This first part of the store was indeed a little much for me. They even had a super realistic sculpture of a hawk that I thought was taxidermy! The keep was excited to talk to us about it saying it was a rare piece and told us about the artist. I love art and supporting independent artists buuuut I don’t think I’ll ever have the money to pay for proper rich people art! Luckily this place also had a basement and an attic which were easier on the old wallet.

The basement was neat in that it still had this crazy old fireplace in it but otherwise there wasn’t too much interesting down there for us. The attic however was filled with toys for all ages starting with the mandatory Howdie Doody memorabilia which is much beloved by the Silent Generation and scares the ever lovin’ bejesus out of the rest of us. They also had this primo haunted marionette doll that was out for my own heart, a “Ken doll with prosthetics” which I am pretty sure was the Million Dollar Man, some Rock em’ Sock em’ Robots, and even a few things from my generation including a Star Wars ship and an original Optimus Prime with real metal parts! So I’m told by my companion. His excitement was adorable. Sorry to say I wasn’t allowed to watch many cartoons, TV, or movies, growing up, transformers among them. My mother thought I should be spending my time playing in the dirt. This has resulted a reverence for nature and a profound lack of cultural reference points.

This place was cute. I definitely would say it’s worth checking out if you like antiques of all price ranges. Or toys. So many toys.

Re Antiques and Interiors – Kingston Rhode Island

By now my companion was looking a bit off and not feeling up to his usual so we decided this would be our last stop of the day. Really, he just wanted to go out on a high note and the last antique store was… underwhelming.

Luckily, we hit another treasure with this one! It seemed to be all the weirdness of the first antique store of the day combined with all the respectability of the second, in a larger space. Fancy paintings adorned the wall with old foreign ad posters. We found cultural items from all over the world – some which I still maintained probably came with a free curse for the white people buying them, but I digress. There were African statuary, a bunch of scary masks, and even full Samauri armor. I was also mesmerized by this gorgeous swinging baby cradle. Other hits were a writing desk fit for a wealthy historical fiction author, a wire rat Halloween decoration, a country chic armoire, and a tin Easter bunny from the bowels of hell.

A woman sat in the main part of the shop and kept an eye on customers, and I knew my photo taking was making her a little tense but me being me I wasn’t about to say anything. I swear to god, I’m not casing the place, and the things I am taking photos of are not the most valuable items, more like the most random. Congrats on that Easter bunny!

As I was leaving she finally asked if I was having fun taking photos or something along those lines and I said, “Yes! I’m taking them for a travel blog.” The ensuing conversation honestly just served to confuse her more, but she did say if I ever get the chance I should go to England. Touché. My companion seemed more entertained by this conversation than myself who resorted to self-depreciating humor because I lack the imagination to see myself financially well off enough to go overseas again and I also suck at lying. Especially on the spot. These things take planning. And need crazy detailed back stories. No? I guess I may be the odd one here.

Maybe someday I will visit England. Or all the countries on those two little islands half a world away where all my ancestors seem to have come from. Or perhaps I can see the Oracle at Delphi, or revisit the Parisian catacombs, or sit with the rats at the Karni Devi waiting for a white one to approach. It is nice to dream, isn’t it?

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