Provincetown Massachusetts – Just Ambling Down Commercial Street, I Swear!

For the sake of making Catching Marbles more accessible this is the first blog entry which I am trying to post a reading of the entry to listen to. So, if you are so inclined enjoy, otherwise feel free to read it yourself and look at all the pretty pictures! Much love! ~Theo

Provincetown has been on my bucket list for a number of years, but I didn’t really know what to expect. All I knew was that it was a long drive and whomever I brought with me had to be really cool with a whole lot of shit. No prudes, no relatives, just merciless sarcasm and innuendo, like an episode of Hazbin Hotel! (which if you haven’t seen it yet it’s on Amazon Prime. Go watch it. Right now.)

ANYWAY, why would I want to visit New England’s queerest corner? Why wouldn’t I?! I figured it must be a neurodivergent heaven! I mean 1 out of every 6 normal people define themselves as gay but if you only poll autistic people…. literally over 70% of us identify as various flavors of the rainbow. Basically, it’s a giant blinking bug zapper to people like me.

Be this as it may I did not know anyone in my circle wanted to go and was more than happy to take some hostages on this venture. So, with BF and BFF in tow we made our way to Commercial Street, which I am going to say now IS NOT MADE FOR CARS. Do not drive down it! You will be MOBBED with pedestrians and only able to go at max 2 miles an hour until you find a parking lot. The parking lot I found was $15 and came with an attitude. Was I just learning how to drive? No sir, your instructions just suck and it’s making me nervous you’re standing directly in front of my car while I park. I suspect the $20 parking just down the road came with less guff. And a hanging sculpture of a Great White at the entrance….

Now that that was settled we all got out of the car and started our ambling. This was going to be another adventure in ADHD. We were immediately distracted by gargoyles. Fucking GARGOYLES. So, we walked away from Commercial Street to figure out why on earth there was a tower full of gargoyles overlooking the town. As it turns out this was the Pilgrim Monument. For a cool $20 you could take an elevator to the top. Or you could pay nothing and just read the pretty plaques probably stating that the pilgrims first landed in P-town not Plymouth. They merely wandered off and settled in Plymouth.

From here we decided to go back to Commercial Street which was FULL of summer tourists and pride flags of all persuasions. Some of them even flew out of the eaves of Seamen’s Bank which made us all giggle like twelve-year-olds. To be honest everything here seemed to be written with a wink and a nod. Never have I seen an oyster bar so thirsty. “Real men eat it raw.” (I’m really starting to wonder how I am going to contain the rest of this entry within the PG range for the angry and decidedly prudish AdSense gods.) Especially since the first thing we saw was this alleyway covered in…. I’m going to say erotic art. And baby doll heads in cages. My kinda weird.

It wasn’t all adult oriented. We started off within the normal area of family friendly activities stopping by a candy shop and checking off another bucket list item – trying saltwater taffy. It was soft! And sweet… and… I don’t have much of a sweet tooth but I’m glad I tried it anyway. The orange flavored ones were the best. From here we wandered into a little hippie shop with T-shirts and hippie clothing, funny bumper stickers and the usual touristy shit, and a forbidden staircase to the above 18 crowd. Wait, what? You can’t just dangle a forbidden staircase; curiosity will kill the cat (but satisfaction will bring him back.) So, what was up there? A weird convenience store of dildos and hookahs and bongs and pipes and more adult toys… just an overwhelming blizzard of rainbow colors… and textures… and why does this dildo look like it’s made for a platypus? (If you know, you know…and if you don’t you probably shouldn’t google what’s up with platypus bits.)

ANYWAY. We came across a lot that afternoon. Much of it was perfectly tame like a T-shirt shop for funny T-shirts that “can be printed in 9 seconds! Just pick a design!” As well as galleries, so many galleries with such a range of topics. There was even one that was just hyper detailed photos of your eyes. Or someone else’s eyes, but I’m pretty sure the point was to make it your own. And there was an AIDS monument we accidentally found as well as another monument with a ship on it that I would have read if I weren’t also trying to run and catch up with my crew. Lollygagger.

The whole street seemed to be places to eat, dispensaries, adult stores, galleries, tourist traps, billboards for drag shows (dammit, I want to see Hedwig live now!) and a smattering of bookstores. One such bookstore I’m pretty sure was a fairy trap. My companions, also twelve at heart, said damn straight it is a fairy trap. It was down a long alley that was completely covered in vines. How is that not some sort of fae attempt at luring unsuspecting humans?! We’re all idiots because we walked right into it. And it was sweet! A little quiet used bookstore with some really interesting titles… granted a large selection for the LGBT+ community. I enjoyed it.

Then we ended up walking by yet another sex shop but this one had signs in the windows none of us could ignore. One was the shop’s name, “Toys of Eros: More toys than the devil has sinners!” One point for the Greek mythology reference, another for the blasphemy, can we make it any better? Oh yes, they can also have a sign on the door that says they won’t sell to bigots except with MUCH more colorful language. I want to post a photo I took of it on FaceBook but I’d have to censor 30% of the words. SIGH. And beside all that there were promises of a sex museum! Fine… we’ll follow the free candy sign into the big black van just this once. The sex museum was more of an entryway full of terrifying cake mixer looking vibrators. Did you know that the electric vibrator predates electrical outlets? They had to be plugged into light bulb fixtures! So, I guess you can diddle or have light but you can’t have both. They also had a merkin. Looked like a dead rat. And some other things. Of course, by this time we’re in the shop. Clever ploy sex nerds, clever ploy.

First, we saw the case of glass twat ticklers. Slightly terrifying but I’m sure they were phantasma-orgasmic. I was then distracted by a rack of leather puppy masks, which are just… so… perfect…. for wearing when you go back in time just to scare the hell out of people. Hey, no one said it had to be a sexual thing. Sometimes, intrusive thoughts need love too. You could totally be a cryptid. I believe in you. ANYWAY, back to the task at hand – there was a wall of whips and switches and floggers with which to fondle all under a flying mannikin descending from the ceiling on a sex swing. Speaking of uses against manufacturer’s instructions I knew someone once who hoisted her rottweiler into a tree with one of those so she could spray her bath-hating pup down with a garden hose. Try getting that image out of your head.

I think the store clerk was bored because at this point she approached us and started showing us a whole rack of pocket pussies. You may wonder why a gay man and a woman would entertain such a thing but I wasn’t going to walk away without poking at it and HOLY SHIT this feels more real than my own flesh and blood bits! Whaaaaat is going on here?! This is where morbid curiosity gets you. Pondering what decisions in life brought you to this exact moment. They also had some that were less hyper realistic and more demure – and by that I mean hidden in what looked like a coffee thermos. I’m just saying, if I opened up my thermos one day and the death of Adam stared back at me from with it… Well, it’d just make the whole rest of the day weird, you know. Awkward weird. Naked Lunch weird.

It’s OK though because past the trans-friendly corner there was a delightful selection of vibrating muff marauders. Again, the clerk made sure to turn on every one and hand them to me and my companions. So many speeds, and vibration patterns, textures, and sizes. Cute little ones and ones that looked like they were made by Black and Decker complete with attachments. Purple ones, pink ones, black ones, shiny ones. Ones that thrust as well as vibrated! Hell, there was even one that sucked. Quite literally. It was a suction device for lady beans. That one was called the Womanizer. Of course, hearing that I tried to goad the clerk into telling me what was the most offensively named product in the store but she shied away from my cheerful trolling. Shame. I would have enjoyed that list.

As we left the clerk let it slip she was from NH and I had to ask where exactly. This resulted in her asking where I was and when I told her she had the same not great opinion of my town. Said the only good thing about it was the Walmart and the people were miserable. Guys, I’ve been saying this for years, and everyone always says all small towns suck but low! I’ve never felt so validated in my life to meet a complete stranger who sees the unique shittiness of my hometown. BIG SIGH!

It’d been a long but fun day. We’d found food and places to poke at and were really just heading back to the car when we saw a young woman across the street sitting at a typewriter with a sign reading something like, “I’ll write a poem for you.” This intrigued all of us to varying degrees and we went to see what that was all about. In short order we found ourselves talking to her and telling her about our day to which she took a notecard out, placed it in her typewriter, and in the matter of a minute managed to concisely summarize our day with some pretty words. It warmed my Beatnik heart and provided a beautiful souvenir. We decided to give her $20 for her efforts. And you can follow her on Instagram! @sticky6wordbandit

It was getting late and we were heading back to the car but that’s always perfect for yet more distractions. This time we’d be playing with a bunch of dead bugs. There was a whole shop for them! Just… butterflies in frames… and weird creepy crawly keychains… Made my inner bug loving twelve-year-old very happy. And finally we wandered into a well-lit and empty gallery because we’d seen one of the paintings from the street that looked decidedly like an all-male orgy melted like candles into each other in some sort of acid induced hallucination. The other art ranged from beautiful and serene to more erotic scenes. Then there was a little sign pointing to a dark streetside staircase reading, “there’s more in the basement!” Another fairy trap. I wasn’t about to but after reading the sign aloud my companion said we should go down and a disembodied voice from the underworld yelled, “YEAH! YOU SHOULD!” You guys, no, this is definitely a fairy trap. We’re gonna be disappeared. But alas the basement was just a TINY room barely big enough for the three of us and the disembodied voice was the artist who swooped by and up the stairs with all the deftness of… well, I guess a fairy.

I really liked some of the really close up paintings of blueberries and fruit. Sadly, I didn’t have 2 or 3K on me. But none the less I wished him good luck as I popped out of his gallery and into the night. We all agreed that as fun as today was we’d still like to come back and see more. And so that’s how our day ended… with sweet beautiful whimsy and more than a little innuendo. Totally worth it.

September 17, 2024 0

Michele and Donald D’Amour Museum of Fine Arts – Springfield Massachusetts

There were two art museums within the pavilion but we’d gotten to the museums rather late and basically had to run through what we could. As such we had to only chose one of the two art museums. We chose the one with a Georgia O’Keefe and a Monet, neither of which my travel companion had seen before.

This was such a sweet little art museum. Not too big. Not too stuck on itself. Just the right atmosphere. There were some neat abstract sculptures and paintings I felt like I could have made…. if only I could find some rich people to ̶c̶o̶n̶, er, sell to.. *whistles innocently*

Most of the other pieces were impressive in their own ways. There were lots of European portraits which seemed to be confused as to how children should be composed… with boards for necks? Sure, why not. And one with a wealthy gent leaned back in in a pose I can only describe as “Tinder the 1700’s Version.” There were some poignant African American and black pieces. But with 15 minutes left on the clock until closing we had found neither Georgia O’Keefe (who I struggled to categorize) or Monet. Luckily the impressionists were a few rooms over and there was the usual line-up of Degas and Monet. Degas was predictable. Ballerinas. Monet though…. who knew he painted pink hay bales?! Were they supposed to be pink or did they just age weird?? I have no answers.

We had to ask the desk clerk for O’Keefe. We’d passed by hers it was so unimpressive and entirely not flowered. It was a simple, very flat, depiction of a gray mountain landscape. Underwhelming for sure. I was kind of annoyed by this… both O’Keefe and Monet were… atypical. But my companion was happy, so I was happy for him. Besides, I’d seen so much nightmare fuel to keep me bust it was still worth it. We made a note to maybe come back some day and see the other art museum as well as the Springfield Historical Society’s Museum.

This was a great art museum if you’re just starting out going to art museums. It wasn’t too big or overwhelming but still managed to be interesting. At no point was I stopped in my tracks and crying, which is always a plus with me in art museums! It was a nice entry point for starting to learn about the different art movements.

November 14, 2023 0

The Dinosaur Place – Oakdale CT

Soooo… we may have been having a bit of a hard time lately coming up with new places to go. I mean we haven’t completely run out of the usual options of cemeteries, hiking paths, and antique stores, but sometimes it’s nice to do something a little different. This time I let my travel companion conspire with Google for something on the unusual side. And that’s how we ended up at the world’s most apathetically named theme park – The Dinosaur Place.

Neither one of us knew what to expect but there were rumors it was near an antique store so if we didn’t like it there was always a second option. Well! Things got very weird right from the start when we pulled into the parking lot and were greeted by a life size T-rex sporting sunglasses and a bottle of coke. Behind it there was a gift shop and what looked like maybe a miniature golf course. We went into the gift shop to buy tickets. Neither one of us were expecting it to cost $29.99 a head for adults. Thank God we weren’t teenagers as they seemed to have an additional tax at $33.99. We’d find out why in a few minutes. We forked over the dough and hoped for the best.

I feel it’s pertinent to note that it was no less than 86°F that day (that’s 30°c for the rest of the world) and I had remarked that “Maybe we should find something inside to do today…” I was assured it’d be fine. There was a “splash zone.” Whatever that meant.

So we walked in and right away there was a bathroom stationed there with a dinosaur in a dress for the ladies and I was a little too entertained by this I admit but that’s perfectly OK. Beyond that there seemed to be a very run of the mill playground for small children, though one of the things to climb on looked like a dinosaur skull and beyond that there were velociraptors on the roof of a nearby building. Cute. This was also where the “splash zone” was and in it there were gaggles of wee children playing in what looked to me like glorified sprinklers with some slidey bits. I wasn’t surprised by this turn of events. I mean when you build something in a dinosaur theme you probably have a very key target audience – wee children under the age of 8 or so. No matter. I could be an 8-year-old at heart, though I did wonder at first if this was worth two old farts like ourselves to pay $30 a piece for. And I could tell you with certainty it wasn’t worth paying an extra fee for a teenager to loiter here with the babies. They’d be bored out of their minds.

We looked at the little You Are Here map and started to amble around the perimeter. There were far less people beyond the splash zone. In fact there was almost no one at all. We were alone for most of our trek. That’s when we started finding random life size dinosaurs nestled in the woods just off the path and suddenly the whimsy overtook the both of us and it became worth both the money and the truly oppressive heat and humidity which was absolutely befitting the Jurassic era.

I took lots of photos but sadly had the wrong camera. I have one that’s great for indoor photos and one that’s great for outdoor photos. I have no idea why they function this way but having my indoor camera on such a bright day seemed to make most of my photos seem washed out. Not the mention it kept focusing on random branches instead of the dinosaurs. UGH. But even so I was absolutely delighted to see the dinosaurs scattered throughout the park like this. There were even a few you could approach and I can only imagine they would have made for some truly delightful family vacation type snaps if we had any kids in tow. I have to admit my heart may have melted a little bit when one of these ended up being my childhood favorite – the parasaurolophus (otherwise known as the dinosaur with a trumpet on its head) – lying on the ground with a nest of eggs. I squeed a little and pet her on the head for good luck before returning to our little jaunt around the park.

The park is not large and most of the walking paths are surrounded by fantastic shady trees and a body of water of some sort but even so the heat was killing me. I drank about a gallon of water and it still wasn’t enough. I had to sit down and rest about 2/3rds of the way through before I melted into the pavement. Even my companion who works forging iron in the bowels of Hell (OK not really but still) was pouring sweat, absolutely drenched, big droplets of perspiration dripping off his nose. I must have looked even worse.

I don’t think we were there long but it was enough. I thoroughly enjoyed it and was particularly amused in one of the two caves when an animatronic dinosaur spit and nearly soaked my companion who darted out of the way just in time. “Any kids who have seen Jurassic Park are going to be scarred for life getting spit on by that thing!” AND IT’LL BE WORTH IT.

When we got back to the gift shop we loitered there like delinquents because they had their AC cranked and I was overheating badly. When we got back outside it was still gross out there. We noticed an ice cream parlour and drunk from heat exhaustion forked over $5 for a scoop. I guess this is normal for amusement parks. I’d only been to one in my life when I was five and my well-meaning father brought me to Whalom. I remember one ride that entire day – the little helicopters. My brother was much older but didn’t fair any better as he was prone to motion sickness. This would be the last outing I remember taking with both my father and brother. Ah, memories. Anyway. I was too hot to really eat the ice cream. By now my body was rejecting water but I still managed to VERY SLOWLY eat it without throwing it back up. As I finished the last bite there was a sudden downfall of rain and I just opened my arms and almost yelled, “BRING IT ON!”

My companion was less happy about this as the rain didn’t cool anything down. In fact the second it hit the pavement it turned into steam rising from the ground. SIGH. From here we would move on to Nature’s Art Village which are the shops next to The Dinosaur Place.

August 12, 2022 0

Antiques Emporium – Fredrick Maryland

Another thing on our list of to-do’s was to visit an antique store. It’s something we had become accustomed to doing in Rhode Island (where the products are usually quite pricey) and Maine (where every rusty nail is a treasure.) We even discussed potentially finding an antique store with something Civil War related – maybe an old musket ball or something – to see if we could take home something to curse ourselves with. And of course I was on my usual mission of finding the world’s creepiest doll. It’s not a common hobby but it’s my hobby and I like it.

The Antiques Emporium was a great place to stop for all of this. It was huge. Two floors of absolute chaos. Everything from fine furniture to a copy of Marilyn Monroe’s drivers license. And of course there were steam punky things, sharp things, things with faces that shouldn’t have faces, creepy dolls galore, and a painting of an androgynous child I would have totally brought home with me if I had $250.

And some of this stuff was apparently haunted – I can tell because one of my travel companions had to bolt out of the store at one point. No worries, we’re all good now. It was just a case of the heebie jeebies.

November 14, 2021 0

Birchwood Orchard Apple Picking – Mason NH

My mother told me recently she’d never been apple picking so I decided to take her today. She’s been super observant of social distancing and really needed to get out of the house. Apple picking seemed like the perfect outing after being cooped up for so long.

I looked at the reviews of local orchards and the one in Mason peaked my interest. It was an odd deja vu adventure that transpired from there. Imagine my surprise to find it was a farm I actually knew about and played on when I was a small child. I couldn’t have been more than four or five when I spent at least one day there playing with the little boy who lived there. I don’t even remember his name now.

Everything was as I remembered. This place was down a long dirt road smack dab in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by forest, with a few shady paddocks where some horses happily loitered.

I had to follow signs to get to the orchard. The Prius already wasn’t happy with me driving it down a dirt road. It was even less pleased when the parking turned out to be a grassy patch of free space behind a stone wall and well off the road. Judging by the looks I was getting this may have been the first Prius to visit…

We were the only ones there besides the woman who owned the property. I knew it was the end of the season but I was still hopeful. She directed us towards the trees that were still fruiting. A few pear trees were present with a sparse smattering of fruit still left. Behind them was a row of Red Delicious. I’m not a fan of Red Delicious so I went towards the Golden Delicious that were still heavy with apples. The rows were marked with the types of apples – Mccoun, McIntosh, Golden Delicious, Red Delicious, Courtland, and Honeycrisp. However, being so late in the season most of the trees were bare. My mother picked some small Mccouns which she favored for being so hard. I filled my bag with Golden Delicious before she found three or so Honeycrisp trees that still had some apples. Score! I was happy! Now I got the apples and the Mason jars I am going to be making apple butter for Christmas!

This orchard was perfect for someone looking for a little known place with few people. Their prices were VERY decent too – cheaper than their competition for sure! And I was told that had we come at the end of September we would have also found peaches to pick. This is unusual for New England. All and all it was a lovely little adventure off the beaten track, well worth the visit!

October 20, 2021 0

Shopping at Old Mystik Village – Mystic CT

After thoroughly enjoying B F Clyde’s Cider Mill we decided to continue the day by going into the more populous side of the city for a little shopping. I’m not really one who normally enjoys shopping for the sake of shopping but I am starting to see this might just be because of the places I end up and the people I go with. I say this because on this day I had a great time!

I guess I was intrigued by the description of the shops there including an Alice in Wonderland themed tea shop and a storefront promising an assortment of sharp stabby things (seriously… who has even heard of a sword shop?! Sounds so medieval.) And all of it was situated in the Old Mystik Village which sounds sooo… witchy. I guess this is what made it all the less surprising when we walked into a series of mystic and magic type shops that had everything a Wiccan or Pagan could possibly want. We spent a good few hours picking shops that seemed interesting and wandering in to poke at things like an enthusiastic tourist. I am going to try and remember all of them and list them below but we’ll see how this goes!

Ice Imports: This was the promised stabby things store but it didn’t look like it when we first walked in. In fact it looked like a rock shop with all sorts of geodes and shiny rocks. Some were natural others were in bracelets and rings. The whole middle of the store was dedicated to magic bracelets – made with rock beads of your choice – each listing what magical purpose they were good for. None of the labels said anything about their more utilitarian use – they were GREAT fidgets! Especially if you buy two or more and play with them together. My companion was happy to find more hematite rings… to replace the ones he bought in Salem… I am absolutely perplexed how he keeps breaking them but I guess that’s part of their charm. Their sellers claim they break when they have absorbed all the negative energy they can. Convenient… I can’t say I am convinced but I respect the beliefs of others. There were also a bunch of ADORABLE knickknacks and a counter full of shiny stabby things!! So basically you could buy a baby dragon and a sword to slay it all the same shop!

Dharma Jewels: From there we walked into Dharma Jewels which describes itself as a gift shop full of handmade Tibetan and Himalayan goods. I couldn’t help but see the parallels between this and the witch shops as they also had a lot of space dedicated to things like lucky coins but also an assortment of colorful clothes, weird bags, and more recognizable religious artifacts like prayer flags and posters of Krishna. The women working the counter seemed very happy and the place had a uniquely pleasant smell, not sure what it was.

Alice in the Village: I just had to go to this little Alice in Wonderland inspired tea shop. I mean come on, it’s obvious I love the story – I draw a weekly comic based on the hookah smoking caterpillar’s ill-begotten grandchild. ANYWAY, the place was adorable. It had Alice in Wonderland mugs, knickknacks, and decorations lining the walls. The decorations to the place added to the sheer whimsy of it. It was a small place with a tiny seating area and a counter full of colorful macaroons…. which I had to try because I’ve never eaten a proper French macaroon. They’re crunchy and filled with goo. I was not expecting that but they were good! And they went well with the magic disappearing Cheshire Cat mug that ended up going home with me.

Bestamors: This shop was HUGE and weird. It was a shrine to everything Nordic/Northern European. Warm clothes, creepy trolls up the wazoo, gnomey gnomes, swarms of nesting dolls, and another counter full of stabby things listed by country! It just went on and on with no lack of things to poke at. I was thoroughly amused.

Extra Virgin: This place was another bizarre niche store that I couldn’t help but adore. As you walk in there is a row of dispensers for their flavored olive oils and vinaigrettes. And the other side of the store is dedicated to their flavored honeys – all of which you can try and we did! I ended up coming home with a bottle of blackberry bramble vinaigrette which is going to up my salad game hardcore.

Kitch: Kitch was another shockingly enormous store that really didn’t look big from the outside. Inside it was full to the brim with all the latest in kitchen gadgetry as well as a counter dedicated to a line of hot sauces. They had everything you could want here… pots, pans, tea kettles, cooking gadgets, unidentifiable tools, the whole lot! “I could lose several paychecks in here.” My companion lamented with plate-sized eyes. “I could too…”

Angel Haven: Once you’ve already been through several shops dedicated to lucky charms going into one dedicated to personal angels didn’t seem so weird. Lots of shiny pricey jewelry and some $600 steam punky clocks that opened up and showed all their gears once every hour while singing a different tune for each hour of the day. It was quite a display! And hey, someday if I ever become rich enough to dump $600 on a wall clock who knows, maybe I’ll be back. Never did figure out who my personal angel was – though if there’s an angel of anxiety and pointless distraction it’s probably that one.

Raining Cats and Dogs: I’m not going to lie – I find it pretty depressing I am currently not owned by any pets but seeing as both my travel companions had cats we all went in to see what damage we could do in that department. This place was mostly for dogs, small dogs at that, with all sorts of little coats and toys and whatnot but there was one corner dedicated to cats. And let me tell you the catnip toy that ended up coming home must have been some strong shit because the kitten just about went rabid when it was given to her.

Franklin’s General Store: I loved this place. It smelled kinda weird as general stores frequently do and it had everything from a fudge counter to a pile of zombie rubber ducks. It was a maze of eccentric old timey items and always fun to rifle through. I ended up buying a little encyclopedia of oddities because why not, might give me some inspiration.

Irish Eyes: Finally we went into an Irish themed store that was totally mental. I don’t know why I didn’t take any photos – maybe because it was a tiny cramped shop. Anyway, it had EVERYTHING you could possibly want Irishwise – funny T-shirts, cribbage boards, sheep galore, and even a music kit for starting your own Irish folk band that included several Irish instruments. It was weird and kind of sweet.

And that was our day shopping… from here we’d make our way to an escape room in Warwick RI because why not end our adventures there?

October 3, 2021 0

Apple Picking at Whittle Willow’s Spring Farm in Mystic Connecticut

Thursday was my birthday but I really didn’t feel like celebrating. I have been in a stress-induced haze for a year and didn’t make my goal of publishing another book on my birthday as is the tradition I set for myself. As such I was feeling less like my birthday was about celebrating surviving another year of life and more about marking down I was another year closer to death which seemed a bit grim. And because of this I didn’t give anyone any warning it was my birthday.

I did try to figure out something cool to do but I was coming up short so I did what I always do in these situations – I left it up to the Universe – “If you want me to celebrate my birthday, you figure something out.” And it did! Sort of out of nowhere we ended up getting together with another friend who suggested we go apple picking. I haven’t been apple picking since I was just a wee one so the thought of it definitely tickled my brain. Yes, this would be the perfect way to spend my birthday – and was it ever!

We ended up going to the Wittle Willow’s Spring Farm in Mystic Connecticut. They had a lovely little farm stand set up and both an apple orchard and a pumpkin patch to pick from. They handed us some brown paper bags and off we wandered into the vague direction they were pointing. We were told there were lots of McIntosh, some Granny Smiths, some Red Delicious, and a few Golden Delicious somewhere out there. And so we wandered out into the orchard which was… not marked in any way and the trees didn’t even grow in proper rows but seemed to be dotted at random. We found some Granny Smiths but they too were not in a cluster but rather smattered about in between all the McIntosh. It was pure chaos and only about to get more chaotic.

For here in the middle of the orchard was a neatly groomed stone wall with a tiny old family cemetery within it. There was even a sign dating it to the 1700’s. How ironic is that that we went to probably the only orchard with a cemetery in it?! Obviously I was charmed. Meanwhile my companion was charmed with a singular pair tree just hanging out and chilling.

“They’re just funny looking apples.” My dry sense of humor is sometimes lost on those who have to endure it.

When we all had our paper sack loaded up we headed back to weigh and buy them. It was $1.50 a pound and we all made out like bandits. I’ll be making apple butter and probably apple sauce. There was talk of apple juice, pancakes, and pies.

And then we finished our little adventure playing with some pigs sleeping in a wallow. There were three big sows and maybe a couple dozen piglets and the farm stand was selling lettuce and corn to feed them as treats. The second they heard the first lettuce leaf being plucked off they all woke up and ran to the fence. From there it was just a feeding frenzy with the big mamas grunting in disapproval whenever the treats ran dry. The largest one seemed most insistent nuzzling the fence and grunting. She reminded me of a dog with weirdly human looking eyes. The whole scene reminded me of the happy days I lived on a farm throwing one grape at a time into the chicken pen and watching 50 or so hens all make a mad dash for it. Someday I will return to this life but for now I found it very cathartic to just visit.

Our adventures were just starting for the day because after this we wanted to go to nearby B F Clyde’s Cider Mill where I was hoping to score an apple cider doughnut in lieu of a birthday cake.

October 2, 2021 0

Suspension Bridge – Manson Park – Pittsfield Maine

Today’s little adventure started with the usual – this time it was my mother trying to figure out where this pretty bridge she kept seeing on FaceBook was located. It claimed to be in Pittsfield Maine, the town she grew up in, but she had no recollection of it. This isn’t unusual for my mother…. she’s the sweetest woman you’ll ever meet but she has the attention span of a gnat. On several occasions in the past I had to inform her her cousins were the offspring of her aunt who she swore up and down was a childless spinster. And so it goes… A week of speculation on a bridge…

As it turns out there is indeed a snow mobile bridge in Manson Park, right past the center of town. It claims to be the longest pedestrian suspension bridge over the river but I can’t for the life of me figure out if it has a name or who put it there. Oh well! The mystery continues!

I have been to Manson Park many times over the years, always during the big Egg Festival. It’s a really nice park with a full baseball diamond (complete with dug out) a public swimming pool, several play ground type areas, some scenic picnic spots near the river, and lots and lots of open space to run wild and free on. Honestly this park is better than most city parks I have seen. STILL, I had no idea what this whole damn bridge debate was about so I herded my mother in the car and off we went.

I parked in the lot aside the river and it didn’t take me long at all to locate the bridge. I could see it, though I was uncertain how to get there, I knew I could because there were two women sitting out there chillin’. I walked alongside the river until I couldn’t anymore and found a footpath through the grass not far away which led into the woods and onto the bridge.

THIS BRIDGE IS MENTAL. No seriously, it’s proper scary. It’s a long suspension bridge weighted down on both sides by trees. Trees which, mind you, had grown in the past 30+ years and who were literally being slowly cut down by the wires… This DIY Maine engineering is common out here but always scares the crap out of me. Getting onto the bridge was no better. It swayed and swung in the breeze, lurching back and forth and wobbling heavier with every step. The two women chilling noticed us walking out and they walked off…. they probably know something we don’t. By the time I got to the sections that were missing boards I was more than a little unnerved. If you’ve ever seen the video of Galluping Gertie, this is her little sis in the backwoods of Maine. I find it hard to fathom this is a snow mobile bridge. I sure as hell wouldn’t drive over it! The graffiti was also amusing, reading, “Lesbian tendencies ur fucked.” Seeing as the bridge doesn’t appear to have a name I think I’ll call it the Lesbian Bridge from here on out because I think it’s good to be sex positive, especially out in the boonies…

All that being said it was gorgeous! And attached to a trail on either side which led god knows where… I made my way up to the train tracks before turning around… 85 degree weather will put a damper on anyone’s desire to explore! All and all this was totally worth it… if not just to be grateful for being alive…

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July 8, 2018 2

Walden Pond – Concord MA

Sunday evening Katherine and I chilled for a while after our adventures earlier that day and said hello to my brother and his girlfriend before eating what was left of our deep fried s’mores and attempting an early bedtime so we could get up and head into Boston, a little more than three hours away, in the morning.

I can’t say my history with Boston has been the best… I mean it’s a tough city, big, full of rude people and aggressive drivers, statistically the worst in the country, but maybe it’s not their fault. As my brother said, “Those roads aren’t meant for cars.” He’s right. Boston is filled with impossibly narrow roads and streets, many of which sport one sharp curve after another, and none of which make any logical sense. To add insult to injury half the roads are underground where the GPS no longer works and when you finally get where you’re going there’s no parking anywhere. And if that’s not bad enough the drivers… wow. They’re called Mass-Holes by the rest of New England. They’re real peaches. I felt like I was playing Russian Roulette at every intersection. But here too is proof of my personal growth in the past year. I only started driving myself to unfamiliar places less than a year ago and Boston was on my “uh-ah, not going to do it” list. But this time around I barely took notice, volunteered to head into the bowels of Hell without a second thought, I think shocking my brother and everyone whom I told. I used to spend my life constantly engulfed by panic and anxiety. These days I wake up and have to check my pulse because I wonder if my heart is still beating when I can’t feel it slam against my chest walls. It’s really odd but so peaceful and wonderful. Even babies don’t thwart me anymore. They used to make me super nervous but just recently I realized they’re not really made of glass. Now instead of being like, “Shit don’t get that thing near me, I may break it.” I actually find them kinda cute. Except infants. They’ll always look like raisins to me.

Back to the story… Katherine asked if we could take an adventure on the way and I said sure, why not. She chose Walden Pond because she wanted to see where Thoreau wrote ~~Fuck People, I’m Going to Go Live in the Woods for Two Years~~ Walden. She’s a fellow writer friend and loved the book. I’m well read and love the woods but oddly never picked this one up. Nonetheless I do love literary history, especially as it pertains to New England, and this detour was only 20-30 minutes away from our original destination.

Neither one of us really knew what to expect but I think both of us figured we’d find a Unabomber-like shack in the middle of bear country. This really wasn’t the case. The park was very busy, filled with people, with all sorts of weird “Byzantine parking” as Katherine put it. It was $15 admission and seemed to be… A swimming hole for Bostoners. There were paths around the lake, none marked very well but it didn’t much matter as there were roads and civilization everywhere. No one was going to die out here. A replica of Thoreau’s cabin stood near the visitor center where there was both information and oddly, a gift shop. We discussed how morally strange it was to have a gift shop honoring a man who was all about simplifying one’s life and cutting out materialism… Though this spirit did seem present when we found the sight of his original cabin. Here was a large pile of rocks (just like the rest of New England…) where people had made some sort of weird piled rock memorial to the man. Some used Sharpies to doodle messages and pictures on the stones they left behind.

It seems as if almost the entirety of the lake had been made into one big sandy beach. The one at the front had the shallow bits cordoned off like keeping a mass of people in a big fish net! Further out there was more nature-friendly bits, kayakers seemed to be enjoying the day on the water, and other people had found more isolated spots to swim. Katherine and I were not dressed for this, having no idea there might be swimming involved, but we decided it was a nice hot day and the water did seem rather nice. I pulled off my trusty Chuck Taylors and knee high nerd socks, rolled up my pants, and waded in. Katherine followed suit. OH! The water was so shallow it was warm and clear as the day is bright. Fish immediately came to my shockingly white calves and tried to nibble on them. These fish were weird though…. as they appeared to be a school of African Cichlids. Perhaps this lake was the “farm up North” fish disappear to when they’re no longer wanted. All I knew is these things did not look natural with their bulky silver bodies and fluorescent blue tails.

We stayed in the lake enjoying the day for quite a while, neither one of us really wanting to leave. We had found the site of the original cabin and stared at it’s sad foundation earlier on and now we were watching people stare up at the sky to witness today’s solar eclipse. A little girl near by reminded us about this and although it was slightly darker than usual neither one of us really noticed what was going on behind a large swath of fluffy clouds. Ah well, no eclipse for us, we wandered back to the car and continued on to Malden where a friend was waiting for us.

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August 23, 2017 4

Love Park – Philadelphia PA

I’d never heard of Love Park but I suppose it makes sense that the city of brotherly love would have a Love Park. At the entrance there was a big LOVE, spelled with a heart. I stood in front of it for the usual photo op. Behind this there was a big fountain with very pretty blue water. I felt like jumping in. I wore a sweater because it was cold and somewhat raining but all this walking overheated me a bit. Jumping in, of course, is not allowed. I walked by. I imagine in the summer the plants there are probably blooming and pretty but it was the wrong time of year for that! We walked onwards!

If you are enjoying Catching Marbles please consider adding a dollar or two to my limited gas money fund so I can continue going on adventures and sharing them with you! Thank you!

May 17, 2011 0