Monument Valley – Again – Utah

I kind of drove around Monument Valley / Valley of the Gods the first time I went through this area and thought it might be a good idea to actually drive through it this time. I was told the road was “primitive.” You could call it that… you could also call it a road best suited to horses. None of it was paved, and there were potholes half the size of the Jeep every three feet or so. You could almost see the shocks shoot off the car in front of you. In fact if you decide to drive this road you better have the toughest car you can think of and a carton of heavy cream. The cream is so you can have fresh butter by the end of the trip.

That all being said it was well worth the tribulations I put the poor Jeep through. It was gorgeous and you could see most attractions from various points just driving this loop road. There were viewpoints you could park and take photos of and all sorts of people attempting the trip. I also learned later that if you were not foolhardy enough to take your car they did offer bus and horse tours. I strongly suggest the horse tour as this area seems like it’d make a very relaxing ride and their prices were reasonable. $35 for a half an hour all the way up to $120 for six hours, which I think would have been superfluous. A horse could have probably easily walked by the bouncing groaning Jeep.

I took lots of photos, postcard quality and I have the feeling this was worth the trip back. I really shouldn’t have skipped it the first time!

If you are enjoying Catching Marbles please consider adding a dollar or two to my limited gas money fund so I can continue going on adventures and sharing them with you! Thank you!

July 1, 2011 0

Death Valley – Nevada/California

Death Valley is a weird place. It’s an inhospitable place, but absolutely beautiful. The mountains surrounding it are clearly visible and often look like they’re made of some sort of layer cake or colored powder. There’s something so food-like about them. The roads lead to one resort after another that caters to rich snobby people driving rented RVs and Mercedes. It’s a playground for the rich… a grotesque show of the power of money. “Look I can afford to vacation in the frickin’ desert! And in complete comfort!” There were even pools behind the lodges and the people? UGH. There was even some little punk-ass snot doing push ups shirtless in the middle of the salt flats of Badwater like “Lookee me! I’m all tough!” Has anyone ever been impressed with such dip-shit bravado?? It made me want to pull a switch blade just to see if he’d crap himself. But alas, that’d be unladlylike.

To make matters worse the little brats had completely graffittied a great deal of the salt flats, writing their names and little heart signs in the sand everywhere. Pissed me right off, this was such a pristine place for those obnoxious brats to ruin it for everyone else. I walked quite a ways until the graffiti nearly dried up. It was too hot to go any further. I got back to the Jeep drenched in my own sweat. I’d bathed in sun lotion so I was also greasy besides dripping with sweat.

I went to the Devil’s Golf Course. That was neat. It’s this vast expense of land with gnarled salt chunks littering the landscape and making it almost look like a coral maze. I dared some idiot to lick it to see if it was really salt. The answer was a resounding yes. It was such an odd sight… Like popcorn or something. And I didn’t have to hike anywhere to see it.

The last destination I decided to go to was Salt Creek which was home to the rare pupfish. It was a half mile round trip hike. I figured this would be another wild tortoise hunt but actually the really tiny creek was full of them. Most were so small they looked like mosquito larvae but there were a few bigger ones with beautiful stripes. They reminded me of cichlids. Cute little boiling cichlids.

I walked around and eventually found a curly tailed lizard running for its life on the hot sand. It was adorable! When it was running its tail was curled right over its back like a pug. It straightened out when it stopped and I took some photos. I must say returning home I will miss the lizards.. they have brought such joy to me watching them and seeing the many different species I never knew existed. I am happy to have experienced them.

But anyway, though I bathed in more sun block I still managed to get burned ankles, part of one arm, and pink cheeks. It’s never wise to bring someone the shade of an albino into the desert. I was surprised to find the insect life here was supersized like the fly with a fluffy mohawk that was bigger than the hummingbirds I saw at the zoo. When I got back to the car I was very ready to get out… but I stopped for a magnet… and a cold drink… and the most amazing popsicle ever. It was cold and that was all that was necessary in being the most amazing popsicle ever. Like seriously, The. Most. Amazing. Popsicle. EVER. No popsicle before or since could ever come close to that popsicle in greatness.

The most sadistic part of Death valley was the one gas station I passed. $5.50 a gallon. Basically if you aren’t loaded you aren’t getting out of here alive.

If you are enjoying Catching Marbles please consider adding a dollar or two to my limited gas money fund so I can continue going on adventures and sharing them with you! Thank you!

June 9, 2011 0

Joshua Tree National Park California

Disappointed by Vulture City and the Petrified Forest I had to wonder what was in Joshua tree. I imagined it to be someone’s back yard where a small child hugged a tree it had named Joshua. Can’t be disappointed if that’s how much you expect from something.. then again, I have been to the birthplace of Johnny Appleseed.

Joshua Tree is actually another park in the middle of a desert. When I saw that I expected another Big Bend horror story but I was so dead on my feet I needed to stay somewhere. I also hoped for showers. There were none. “Did your bathroom have a light in it?” “No.” “Did yours have soap and paper towels?” “Nope, none of that either, but the toilets did flush, that’s a plus…”

I talked to the personnel there who told me one of the main attractions to Joshua Tree, besides the elusive Joshua Trees themselves were the tortoises. Apparently it is home to a large population of endangered tortoises. I asked were we could see them and the woman claimed they were everywhere. The park itself was huge though, and didn’t have any gas stations so before settling in I left to find gas. The only place nearby did not have its prices advertised and only when you started pumping did you realize they were charging $4.20 per gallon. There were kids everywhere infesting the place but they weren’t just any kids, they were the kids you see in apocalyptic sci-fi movies. There was a van full of teenage girls here with their minister on some Christian mission. They’d written in marker all over the van’s windows with a number of suggestive things, “Hot Chickas on Board.” “We kneel for Jesus,” “Honk if you love Jesus!” I am not sure if their minister was just that out of touch with his flock that he had no idea they were treating this outing as a practical joke or if he just didn’t know how to control them. Either way the boys were even worse than the little prosti-tots.

The place was swarming with tween boys as well. A number of them smelled as if they had never known the word shower. One ten year old boy had bleached permed hair and since he probably already had curly hair to begin with… well he ended up with completely bleached kinky hair, standing straight up, decorated sparsely with a bead here and there. All the kids here were rude, obnoxious, and insinuating. A whole swarm of baby douches. I don’t really approve of that wording but what else could I call them? These kids reminded me of all those stereotyped spoofs of New Jersey.

Have you ever met someone who has had such a traumatic and fucked up childhood that you know they have no chance in hell of functioning normally as an adult in society? I think this godforsaken corner of the desert is where these runaways ended up with their seven children, who all devolved through successive generations until these little treasures came into the world… and ministers, naively, try to save them.

The store itself wasn’t much better than the kids who infested it. There was a shelf labeled “souvenirs” which only contained obscene bric-a-bracs, an Indian woman holding two pots in front of her boobs, a little cactus growing out of each, and a cowboy and Indian man each holding their britches open, a cactus jutting out from them. “What the fuck is wrong with this place?” Bizarrely there was no firewood on offer and the only water being sold was as a nearly solidly frozen two liter bottle of “frozen water,” what us sane people would call ice. I got out of there as soon as I could.

I returned to Joshua Tree so tired, but determined to at least see a tortoise to make it worthwhile. I stopped at the visitor center to pay and get everything settled. I walked back to the car where I found a couple Brits discussing the Jeep.

“Look at that license plate, it says New Hampshire. I’ve been there. Live free or die! I love that!”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? What’s so free about it?”

“I don’t know, I have a T-shirt that reads that.” I was standing off to the side waiting to get into my car, without saying a word, silently laughing to myself that live free or die actually refers to the revolutionary war… live free of the British crown and their taxes or die. I could have said something but I was still a bit shell shocked from the last place we were at and didn’t feel like talking. Besides this guy’s accent was rough! I don’t know which town he originated from but I can tell you it was working class. I waited patiently for them to move out of my way to get back into my car.

I set up the tent in another gusty wind, fighting all the way, trying to get the stakes to actually stay in the loose sand. It was a challenge but when I finally managed the sucker was standing as strong as a tent can stand without use of cement.

I drove around part of the park looking for tortoises. I saw a lot of vaguely tortoise shaped rocks and nothing else. I drove through the cactus garden and checked out the Joshua Trees themselves, which were basically yucca trees with lots of different branches instead of a trunk and some leaves. Eventually I ended up at the springs. I’d hoped to see the oasis but it was a seven mile walk. There was no way I would have survived that, not today! I walked up to the springs and there was some HUGE palm trees, and tangles of plants. I could not keep my eyes open to enjoy its beauty until I heard an impossibly loud HISSSSSSSSSSS and saw someone jump three feet in the air. Rattlesnakes… They were here, thick as my fist and almost as long as I am tall.

I couldn’t keep my eyes open on the way back to the tent. It was 4PM and time for bed. I was toast. I slept like a baby on morphine. I got up to eat dinner a few hours later and went back to bed, not waking up until my alarm went off unexpectedly at 7am. I got up and did some cleaning and took a little walk. On my walk I saw a Jack rabbit, a weird bug, some odd birds, lots and lots of cactuses, evidence of a lapdog, but no tortoises. I took some photos and enjoyed myself, making sure not to wander off the path that I found that seemed to lead straight into the desert for no apparent reason. It led back to the campground. I returned after 30-45 minutes out there. The day before I was told (after setting up the tent) that this loop of the campground was going to be closed for the season today and I had to be out of there by 10, maybe 11 o’clock.

If you are enjoying Catching Marbles please consider adding a dollar or two to my limited gas money fund so I can continue going on adventures and sharing them with you! Thank you!

June 5, 2011 0

Vulture City – Arizona

Vulture City is an intact ghost town and mine I thought would be a hoot to go visit. I poked around all day so that I could arrive at dusk or after dark. I learned the hard way that someone had claimed the town for their own, fencing it off and charging admission for tours which only ran until 2pm during the day. What’s the point of a ghost town if you can’t go when the spooks are out? Disappointed I decided not to stick around until the next morning and drove towards our next destination.

June 5, 2011 0

Sedona Arizona

After driving through the desert for God knows how many days I were delighted when I once again came back to civilization. Sedona was adorable. It was a little artistic hippie community in the middle of gorgeous scenery of red rock mountains and canyons. Here I found galleries, fancy cafés, a chocolate shop, a place that just sold various caramel apple combinations, lots of very affordable T-shirt and dress shops, and too many little galleries and gift shops to count, all displaying locally made creations, some pretty out there. There were creatures made out of welded scrap metal, horses and bunnies made convincingly out of chicken wire, plenty of pottery, blown glass, bric-a-bracs, and anything you could have possibly wanted. This place made me very happy, it filled me with a sort of joyful warmth.

Every so often I’d come across a statue of a peccary and its baby and each time it was painted another crazy psychedelic scheme of colors. There were also statues of horses and old western figures and a place where some old western stars had left their handprints. I didn’t know who any of them were but that’s OK, I don’t think I have ever watched a whole Western from beginning to end without falling asleep anyway. In any event the people were friendly, everyone was laid back, there were pink jeep tours and helicopter rides going on to see the local canyons. It was all very nice. Even the buildings were unique, two story pueblos that went all the way down the street. The only way you could to the second floor was taking the stairs at the end of each street. It was very neat. They even had a little rock and fossil shop that sparked the interest in the nerd in me. A $12,000 trilobite fossil made my mouth water and my eyes glass over.

June 2, 2011 0

Horseshoe Bend, Vermillion Cliffs – Arizona

I was instructed to go to Horseshoe Bend by a friendly local Navajo man. It’s free and if you happen to be in the area you must go see it! Of course the heat was simply scorching and the hike was up a number of steep sand covered hills which I’ll admit were a huge challenge to someone as unfit as myself. Weeks driving a Jeep and eating nothing but PB&J’s had taken it’s toll. I felt like a smoker wheezing and gasping for air, clawing my way upwards like I was escaping Hell! Still once I got to the peak the view was staggeringly beautiful, a circular body of water with another piece of mountain jutting up from its center, so massive I couldn’t take a full photo of it. I walked around taking photos. I had a photo taken by a couple from Chicago and paid back the favor. Then I noticed a couple speaking Dutch which was a delightful change of pace from the Germans I saw everywhere else. Greetings were exchanged and photos were taken. I was just impressed by their intense baby buggy which looked like it might have four wheel drive. That thing was hardcore. And the baby? Most quiet and content new human I have ever seen. Apparently they were travelling from here to the grand canyon as a vacation, bringing their little bundle of joy along. I sort of wish I knew a language other than English. Perhaps someday.

When I walked back I saw some tracks in the sand. I identified them as those of a lizard and I were able to trace them to a rock where two adorable lizards were skittering about. On this little off-path detour I also found a weird bug and more brightly colored lizards. One of the strangest realizations I have had since coming out traveling is the fact lizards are everywhere. Hundred s of varieties, all different sizes, clinging to rocks, ground, and trees. I grew up and lived in New England where if you want to see a lizard you have to go to a pet store or zoo. I don’t think these free range reptiles will ever loose their charm in my eyes.

Let me tell you the hike back was brutal. Being the little wuss I am I took two long breaks and then thanked God when I could finally see the Jeep again. It was hot, I hadn’t eaten lunch, and I was both absolutely famished and thirstier than I’d ever been before.

Driving away from the area I passed and photographed the Vermillian Cliffs and a few other things. Everything was just so surreal. I am not sure I will ever believe I was once in a place so beautiful.

If you are enjoying Catching Marbles please consider adding a dollar or two to my limited gas money fund so I can continue going on adventures and sharing them with you! Thank you!

June 1, 2011 0