It has come to my attention this entry from last fall was never published so I’ve decided to release it into the world today. Late is better than never! So here we go…
Over the past few years I have had to get more creative in how I find trails, especially ones close to home that no one seems to know about – like this one! Believe it or not I found it while looking at a Redfin map. Whhhy it was on a realtor’s map I couldn’t tell you but I knew I had to swing by and check it out.
I had no idea that I’d be driving down a series of sketchy camp/dirt roads to get here. The Prius LOVES me for these unplanned adventures, especially when fallen leaves obscure the road and make everythign slippery. Nothing like having the fear of God put back into you because you’re driving a Prius.
ANYWAY. This place is near civilization and yet still in the middle of nowhere. It’s odd, but the PERFECT introvert’s trail! Although there was a cute little parking lot which had room for numerous vehicles we were the only ones there on this day and according to reviews online this seems like it is usually the case. Maybe because it’s new? The trail board claimed it was only set up in 2016 and already was faded almost beyond being able to read. A handwritten note to the side pleaded for help to repair the bridges.
The trail itself was a bit wet and slippery under a thick layer of dead leaves but other than that it was an easy trail that ends at a cute little pond view before attaching to a well known snow mobile trail. It made for a really lovely afternoon walk. We didn’t see another soul and it was SO QUIET. A hidden gem indeed.
It’s really strange to find a trail no one seems to have heard of only a few miles from home. And you wouldn’t believe how I found it – accidentally by looking at a realty map of the area. Why it was listed as an attraction I do not know but curiosity got the better of me.
The Gramwick Trail was already an adventure before we even got there – having once again decided to drag my unwitting Prius down another sketchy dirt road, this time COVERED in leaves to the point I couldn’t tell where the road was and it was slippery, as heaps of dead leaves generally are. FUN.
And when we got the parking lot I was actually kind of surprised – it seemed well plotted out and had room for quite a few vehicles considering the remoteness of this place. That being said the trail kiosk was faded almost beyond being able to read which is odd considering the information on it claimed the Gramwick Trail is pretty much a baby – born in 2016! It winds through 395 acres all along Gilmore Pond and ends at a series of sweet little swimming and/or fishing holes. And if you want to continue on from there and do a whole loop it does attach to a different trail that’s mostly used for snowmobiling, but I did not test this theory.
I brought my mother with me as she wanted to go and get some exercise and fresh air. She was however a nail-biting challenge to watch do this trail as it is currently covered in slippery leaves, mud, and roots jutting out of the ground, none of which she missed as she tried desperately to topple over. We ended up having to find her a hiking stick. Luckily there were plenty to be found and she did better from here.
Despite our early troubles this path was kind of magical. It had gorgeous scenery, not a soul in sight, and it was SO QUIET out there, like we’d trekked many miles away from civilization. The only other critter we saw was a mourning dove. This was an introvert’s delight! And the swimming holes were darling! Had I been out here in summer I definitely would have dove in! What an experience!
Eventually the trail ended at the beginning of another trail. Rather than seeing if it looped back around (which I think it does – although we would have had to walk along the road for a little ways) we turned back and went the way we came. Mum was getting tired, I knew this would have been less than a half-way point, and my phone was being no help at all finding the map I was looking at when I was home! That’s OK though, I am content we explored a new corner of Jaffrey and that it was so beautiful.
This was a mostly flat path with bridges over the muddier bits. It was easy, dogs were allowed on leash, but I wouldn’t suggest it for anyone with balance problems. Too many slippery bits and roots for that! Otherwise, this is a great little jaunt for anyone in the area or beyond who has reasonable fitness and health.
Around the time I started this blog I attended a group session for past life regression led by a certified regressionist at the Life Path Fellowship in Jaffrey NH, an event I knew about because they had posted it on their FaceBook page. I have always been severely curious about these things but I was hesitant to share my experience publically for the fear of it being seen as “a little out there.” I know what you’re thinking – three years later I am making plans to track Bigfoot on summer camping adventures while searching for UFOs and glowing mushrooms in the dark. I am a little out there. I’m an odd combination of scientific and spiritual. I don’t always 100% believe in these things but I keep my mind and eyes open just in case. And since I am now comfortable just being me here I have decided it was time to finally share what went down. It was an intense personal experience, one which I wrote about with more gravity than my other entries. Reading it now feels like a punch to the gut so take it as what it is – if you’re curious, by all means, go on and read. I apologize that I was unable to take any photos of the actual event so visually this is a pretty boring entry. Either way, enjoy!
That morning I was already running late and I was SUPER nervous about attending. I had no idea what to expect but generally speaking I am not one who usually enjoys participating in group activities. Add hypnosis and I was even more anxious but there was something driving me to do this. When I drove in the parking lot was empty. Greeeeeat. A moment of doubt. I still got out and made my way into the building where I was warmly welcomed. There were two other women there burbling to each other, they were cheerful and funny. I smiled and a minute later another woman showed up – an audience of four. Okaaay, little smaller than expected but too late to back out now. I settled in and just listened. The woman hosting this little event had a calming soft voice and explained the whole process of hypnosis and how it’s still a conscious and voluntary experience and can be backed out of at any point. Then she passed out yoga matts and pillows and told us all to spread out and make ourselves comfortable lying on the floor. I pondered if I would fall asleep. It’d been an early morning.. I settled in under the sun coming through the window. Another fucking gorgeous day!
I know it’s supposed to be a demon but I think it’s kind of cute. Hieronymus Bosch painting
I closed my eyes and relaxed. She brought us through the usual relaxation procedure for hypnosis, taking note of every muscle and feeling it all turn to melted butter. This took what seemed ages and I tried not to fall asleep. She then told us to imagine a garden so I did…. It was a big very planted garden behind a stone wall to one side, trees and a mountain to the others. In the center an old marble fountain, a stone bench, all sorts of strange and colorful plants and little imaginary creatures skittering about like rats. Oddly I think most of them I plagiarized from Hieronymus Bosch. Amusing…. Sure, helpful, probably not. I was sitting there wondering what the point of this exercise was and how silly it seemed when she asked for us to reach out in our garden and touch something there. Fine…. I picked up a weird alien flowery cactus-y kind of thing. It was squishy and weird, sort of like those gel beads but with far less form and perhaps a little warmer. Gross. My subconscious has a sense of humor. She then asked us to imagine our garden bathed in light, bathed in the essence of existence, alive with the energy of the creative force, a place of peace, serenity, and safety. OK, can do. We were instructed to return to the garden whenever we pleased. OK… that sounded slightly alarming but hey, another happy place isn’t always a bad thing.
Then she said we’d be going back to a memory of our younger selves. OK. Which one? Oh fuck, I’m in the back of my mother’s shitty little red Nissan driving down that road between Cathedral and Fitzgerald. My brother is in the front seat. I’m five years old fidgeting with the seat belt which is cutting into my neck because I’m too short to wear it right. This isn’t a good memory…. My mother’s pulled over, hysterical, crying, but trying to hold it together. Oddly I can feel her emotions as well as my own, which is absolute confusion, and odder still my brother’s…. He seems….. He seems disconnected, intellectually knowing what the situation is, emotionally putting it away for later. My mother announces my aunt, whom we’d all been very close to, is dead. She’s not coming back. I’m five, I never knew her when she was healthy, hospital visits were just part of life. This death thing made no sense to me.
Back to the garden I’m told to relax. Clear my mind. Fine, just as well, that wasn’t pleasant.
Now I’m told I’m going to two weeks before I was born. Uhmmmmm, OK, darkness? What am I supposed to be seeing? My host’s soothing voice guides me through the experience of witnessing my own birth. Who is there? What are they feeling? Why are you there? Interesting questions with a shockingly clear answer that comes to me like being jolted by lightning. Because I am wanted here – attracted to my mother’s love. My mother is soooooo happy. My brother is here too, age seven, I can feel his emotions – chaos, just pure chaos. What is this shriveled wailing thing we’re bringing home? I feel Flo [a close family friend] too and am really struck by her vibe…… She’s proud, very proud of my mother for doing what she wanted (having another baby) even though it was extremely difficult in her situation. I am struck once again by the lack of a final presence……… My father isn’t here. I find the whole scene fascinating. Never thought about any of this…
Back to the garden. Breathe, take a moment. OK.
Now I am going back to another life. I’m asked to look down, what kind of shoes am I wearing? A utilitarian looking set of old cowboy boots…. What do my hands look like? Manly? Where am I? Out West somewhere, in a shitty little mining town. I try to see the distinguishing features of the buildings but they become blurry especially the more I try to fixate on them. Dammit. From here I was to go to a pivotal moment in this person’s life. OK. The scene changes. I’m on the beach now, the ocean to be exact. Angry waves, dunes, Californian looking plants. There’s a gathering of people here. We’re in out twenties, early twenties, maybe even younger, there seems to be alcohol involved. A woman stands in front of me, long dark hair, her energy is of pure chaos. She’s crying, trying to make sense of it. Who is this memory about? My best friend from childhood. He’s dead, this is an impromptu memorial of sorts. I’m asked why I am at this particular memory? Not sure but I think I am supposed to meet this woman again. Someday, somehow. And now I’m brought to this person’s scene of death. What has happened? Not sure. I feel dirt and gravel under my fingers and feel myself floating upward. Something has happened very suddenly. I do not realize I am dead. There’s a big gray car. Maybe I was hit by it. Maybe I crashed it and flew through the window. Who knows.
Back to the garden. Well, OK. Here I’m encouraged to meet my spirit guide. Things get weird. I wasn’t expecting a spirit guide buuut…. there’s a red Chinese dragon here. Why is my spirit guide a Chinese dragon? It answers it is not, it’s a mask. Cool. Can I see behind the mask? He takes the mask off, behind lies a red European styled dragon. Very funny. Not sure I believe in any of this spirit guide stuff but either way this is oddly hilarious. I’m told to ask any questions I need to know about my life, he will answer. OK. My waking life was in utter chaos at the time so I asked a shitload all at once, the dragon breathes a deep sigh, has a look of impatience and says, “You’re not meant to know any of that yet.” Fiiiiiiiiine. Spirit guide or a reflection of my subconscious, either way I should have expected that.
Back to the garden, now I am told it’s time to wake up. I popped out of it. Felt my heavy body come back to life on the floor. Opened my eyes, looked at the ceiling fan, got up. OK, that was weird. We sat around and expressed what we had seen. All three other woman had done this before. One saw another dimension, another witnessed death of old age in a teepee, and I can’t remember what the last one came up with. I meandered back out to the car, still a bit woozy, struggling to hold back the urge to cry (not from sadness but from an unexpected joy.) This was an intense experience, completely unexpected, deeply personal. I left with such profound gratitude and love of life and the people in it. Each and every one.
When I got home I told my mother about a little of it. She said I looked like I was glowing and I really held back the urge to cry then. I am not someone who cries so this was a bit alarming for us both.
In the end I didn’t see what I thought I would see. I didn’t get any answers I sought. I don’t even have a belief one way or the other of whether this was a real vision or just my subconscious throwing up whatever but because it was so life affirming I stepped away from it changed somehow – in only the best of ways. When asked if I would recommend this to others – yes, I would, but with the caveat that you don’t know what you are going to get.
A few years ago when I was actually trying to sell my artistic creations I was told I needed to attend the Annual Craft Fair in Jaffrey because it was large enough to get ample foot traffic worth my time but I am afraid that October-December are the craziest few months out of the year for me and I never made it. So this year I showed up as a buyer! And blogger…
Granted part of the reason I wanted to go was to say hello to some of the venors I knew so I was delighted to wear this T-shirt there with a pair of metallic silver bellbottoms – because I was feeling punderfully festive, like a Hershey’s Kiss!
Right off the bat I was impressed by how many people showed up. Parking was scarce and terrifying (terrifying because I wasn’t the one doing the parking but I digress…) Although the place was obscenely poorly marked. I knew which building the auditorium was from going to school there but how people out-of-the-know were supposed to find the correct entrance for the craft fair was a mystery to me. No signs, anywhere.
Still the auditorium was packed with vendors and they were quite diverse! I mean there was the usual tsunami of knitting, crochet, and soaps, but there were also photographers, wood crafters, wreaths, stabby-stabby knives, and all sorts of holiday fun. And everyone was super cheerful. I even found some knitting I felt was on par – this sweet little plaid baby sweater – knitted by the vendor’s son whose wife taught him how to knit. LOVE THAT. I’ve used knitting in the past as a substitute for fidgeting and well… I think more people should be encouraged to do this, especially men because there are so few male knitters out of there – despite it being the perfect thing to do for an analytical brain.
I also found these weird little sock monkeys and these… uhm…. probably not haunted at all dolls. My mother liked them. She would.
By the time we got to the back of the auditorium another vendor told us there were two more fully packed rooms, one downstairs and the other in the “exercise room” in the other building. Again, there were only a few signs with arrows pointing to nowhere. I literally had to follow another crowd out of the auditorium and over to the high school through the rain and then AROUND that building to some unmarked side entrance I’d never noticed before despite going to school there for four miserable memorable months.
And low and behold this is where all the interesting vendors were – the truly creative ones. Among them was a guy selling birdhouses covered with seeds – I guess the bird version of a gingerbread house. And my favorite a woman who was frequenting local cemeteries so she could take impressions of the designs on the slate stones and use them for her jewlrey. Loved the idea! But alas I don’t do jewelry and don’t really know anyone who does or else I would have totally bought one off her.
Also in this building were a few kids desperately trying not to make eye contact as they took donations for Destination Imagination. Bless their awkward little creative hearts! I gave them ten bucks. I had been in Odyssey of the Mind, the predecessor of Destination Imagination, in my youth and it was really the only positive thing I remember about my entire public schooling career. I also bought some raffle tickets from the women’s club and was delighted to find a local author here as well. So I came home with this adorable children’s book to add to my collection. It must have been the only book she sold all day because she seemed shocked I was buying it. All the better!
Hilariously I got a compliment on the way in from across the parking lot by a student, “LOVE the hair!” (which is also Conant colors.. pure coincidence) and on my way out an even sweeter compliment came from a woman talking to her toddler daughter, “That’s awsome, you know what else is awesome? Look at that chick’s pants!” In fact my fancy pants were quite a hit. Got no less than seven compliments. I’ll totally be wearing them out again.
And since I was a passenger today I got to snap a bunch of creepy photos while we stalked a mail truck home. It was a weirdly warm and damp day. Feels like May, not December! This may have contributed to the poor turn out at the fair this year, at least according to the vendors.
The Festival of Fireworks is something that almost everyone I know has attended at least once because it’s so goddamn amazing. Normally it’s 45 solid minutes of fireworks perfectly timed to well loved music like Pink Floyd and Queen. Seriously, you’ve never heard Queen until you’ve seen every note set to colorful sky explosions. It’s AMAZING. And it’s put on by Atlas Fireworks – the same hometown company that does the big displays at our nation’s capital on July 4th. Dare I say there’s no better firework display to see in the US!
This year the theme was Woodstock so I knew I had to go no matter what. I may have been born in the 80’s but it’s the music of 67-69 that really ignites my passion for music. And the 50th Anniversary of Woodstock? Are you kidding me?! I’M GOING.
It’s pretty normal for locals to have parties and gatherings the night of the fireworks and to attend them in little groups. We had done much the same and invited a bunch of people. However things from the start weren’t going right. Mother was anxious to leave early, although she didn’t know why, her friends weren’t responding to text messages despite having planned to meet up, and the one person already at the house had a headache so severe she decided to stay behind. By the time our other guests showed up my mother was in a tizzy.
We arrived in Jaffrey and parked a ways away before walking the rest of the way. There had been threats of rain and it was looking pretty gray but I continued walking. I didn’t care. It rained at the actual Woodstock, who says this wasn’t nature’s little tip of the hat to authenticity? However what we didn’t know is the fireworks were starting early and by the time we got to the gates we had already missed the first third of the show. Still didn’t care. Still kept on walking! Our guests on the other hand didn’t want to pay the $10 a head to see something that’d already started so they stopped before the gates.
As we walked up to the ticket booth I caught the tail end of Jefferson Airplane’s White Rabbit and by the time I was setting my chair up Joe Cocker was belting out With a Little Help from my Friends and I nearly cried because I was just so happy. Ear to ear grin. And when Santana started playing I felt like I was goddamn flying. I was in my element. There’s something about that music that just makes me feel so…. alive. And I wasn’t the only one grooving to the good vibes. People all around me were singing along to the choruses and giving off this wonderful sense of connectedness.
As soon as we sat down it started to drizzle a bit. People were already leaving. I brought a hoodie and an umbrella, planning for the worst and just staked it out. I took a few videos. They had a lot of the favorites – Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Credence Clearwater Revival, Jefferson Airplane, a little Blood Sweat and Tears and then when they got around to The Who’s Pinball Wizard things had really heated up. By now it had started to POUR and people were fleeing in droves, practically no one was staying seated. But the fireworks were going off by now with more vigor than all the songs previous and I was just having a blast! Was I cold? YES. That rain was icy. Was I wetter than a gym sock during a field trial? Fuck yes I was and it was just adding to my pure joy about the whole thing. It just felt right.
After this the rain started coming down in sheets even harder than before which aside from drenching all the people left behind it also drowned out any music I could still hear. A white water rapid formed aside us whooshing a four inch deep stream down into the storm drains. People were running out en masse, soaked through and through. It was like watching a hoard of drown rats fleeing a sinking ship!
Still I managed to video the finale anyway. As usual it was bombastic – just nonstop flashes of colors and chest rattling booms. My mother and I were laughing. I took a selfie to remember the night. By the time we got back to where we left our friends they had already walked back to the car and driven home. We spent the next half hour wheeling around the back roads because my mother got lost. To be fair it was PITCH black and raining and I probably would have done the same.
All and all, despite everything that went wrong, I am sooooo happy I went. I really needed that! And the free ice cold shower was actually a bonus to me. Below are the videos I took.
Janis Joplin – Piece of my Heart:
Bad Moon Rising – Credence Clearwater Revival
You Made me so Very Happy – Blood, Sweat, and Tears
Rolling on the River – Credence Clearwater Revival
All Along the Watchtower – Jimi Hendrix
**having some technical difficulties uploading this one**
Pinball Wizard – The Who
The Finale – Song Unknown.
This blog brought to you by me and my super chill mom.
On the first Saturday of every month the LifePath Fellowship in Jaffrey NH holds a “psychic fair.” If you don’t know what that means don’t worry. I had no idea either when I showed up for the first time a few months ago. Basically there’s a handful of people there, mostly tarot card readers, but sometimes angel card readers, mediums, clairvoyants, healers, aura photographers, you name it. It’s different every time. You can buy an appointment with the person of your choosing $20 for 20 minutes. The first time I went I chose randomly a tarot card reader. This was the first time I had ever had my cards read and the poor guy doing it almost swore when my cards came up. “Oh boy! Your life is CHAOS.” It totally was. The next twenty minutes were intense. He hit on all the points of chaos and with freakishly similar words to what I had been using to describe my situation despite the fact I told him nothing. Curious. The most hopeful part of that whole outburst was, “Well…. it looks like you’re dealing with this huge mess really well….” Thank you. Was it the smile? Or the fact I am dressed nicely? Oh the cards, right. Didn’t learn anything about my future but he sure as hell described my present to a T. Didn’t even miss anything. It was weird. Especially for a cynic who only went as a desperate diversion from life, in other words I went to be entertained.
This time around I got a different reader. She was a sweet old lady that reminded me of Jane Goodall. I quietly sat down, said nothing of relevance, and she started. Today I wanted to know about my future, not what was going on presently. Last time I had my cards read I think everyone I had ever met was represented somewhere. This time the spread was me-centric. No one else was appearing anywhere. She told me this was very important, that there was something I was doing by myself, that it had to be done by just myself. I smiled. Yes, yes indeed. I am currently single and after spending two years running a heritage breed poultry farm I decided that even though I do not have the financial means, the farm, or really anything else anymore after the break up, I still want to devote my life to farming – but this time instead of aiming to be a hatchery I want it to be an educational farm on a large acreage. I want it to be a place of community and public access. My goals will be to have a tool library, a seed library, a co-op garden, classes on how to raise your own food including gardening, slaughtering, processing, and cooking, and I want to also have nature walking paths that wind past non-traditional tiny homes I plan on building and renting out. Animals on the property will be heritage breeds in danger of extinction being bred for prosperity and the gardens will have a vast variety of vegetables, fruits, and berries that are also quickly going extinct in our monoculture. It’s a HUGE vision, a complicated vision, and one that is really damn near impossible to accomplish with no credit and no formal education but that’s not stopping me because I feel there is a much higher purpose to all this. I feel completely driven. With that being said it’s been crazy laborious to set up a platform, to make donation prizes, and to come up with a strategy, all right after moving into a far from ideal situation (i.e. I have NO space to do this.) But this is what was going on and what I wasn’t saying when my cards were being read.
So she says I am doing something big, by myself, something others think I am incapable of doing but don’t listen to them. The others are an unnamed audience of multiple people. Here there was a vision, a vision only I could do, and one in which it was of absolute importance that I kept true. Don’t let anyone else take credit or change it any way, it is yours and you have to maintain control. Sounds about right. But there is something negative too – bureaucracy – over and over again, perhaps a board of directors, who are coming in and giving you a hard time about everything. It’ll be frustrating and you’ll fight them a lot but in the end you’ll succeed, just don’t let them change what you’re doing or take credit for any of it. I am guessing this means the planning and zoning board of the town I decide to settle in. Building your own tiny home is a bureaucratic nightmare in New England, worse if you want it to be a functioning farm business as well. I know this is the sort of thing only crazy people try to accomplish. I realize it’s going to be hard. I am still going for it. Hearing this from the cards was comforting. More amusing still she did two lay outs and they both said the same thing. Curiously she said I feel like I am standing still and it’s not going fast enough (dead on) and that I am just trying to keep everything balanced (which I very much am in everything In my life right now. It’s of dire importance for any of this to work.) Also that money is tight and that I am seeking it from all different sources (did this octogenarian just reword crowdsourcing??) And she left off with an unexpectedly sweet message. “In a year or two, soon but not too soon, someone will come into your life, a love interest, who will be better than you can even imagine.” She repeated that, better than I can imagine. I did not ask, nor was I looking for that sort of answer. Part of me has always figured once I sort myself out and am settled after all this I will find someone – but better than I can imagine? That’s a lot to live up to! Perhaps I should take this note as mere flattery.
If you are enjoying Catching Marbles please consider adding a dollar or two to my limited gas money fund so I can continue going on adventures and sharing them with you! Thank you!
