Sometimes you just got to get out of the house, get some fresh air, and poke at something with a stick. Maybe a dead bird. Just kidding, this adventure didn’t involve any dead birds.
This was another adventure in nostalgia where my companion tried to remember somewhere from twenty plus years ago enjoyed in the haze of mispent youth. I’m more than happy to oblige because I was a VERY well behaved youth who was monitored and controlled more than a felon with an ankle bracelet and it’s nice to see what freedom must have been like back in the day.
This time around I was treated to Purgatory Chasm, not the more well known one in Massachusetts but the one no one’s heard of in Newport Rhode Island. It’s so obscure the parking lot is tiny and only good for a half an hour of parking. There was however a handicapped space… in case you wanted to take your wheelchair bound buddies to a heavily rooted hill and an oceanside cliff for no particular or heavily insured reason.
Purgatory Chasm itself is only a hop, skip, and clumsy trip away from the parking lot and it reminded me a lot of Thunder Hole up in Maine, just smaller and somewhat less thundery. It still made a pretty good whooshing locomotive sound when the waves came in. I can totally imagine my nervy Puritian ancestors pointing to the noise growling from the rocks and declaring it must be the devil. Curiously although Heaven was always above for these people Hell always seemed to be here on earth – you can tell because they named half the land here Purgatory something-or-other.
Beyond the chasm there was also a lovely little love lock bridge my companion wasn’t even aware of. Clearly others had as it was FULL of locks, some of which had hearts and names carved into them, most of which were rusted to high hell because unlike other more famous love lock bridges this one was likely constantly sprayed with saltwater.
A few weedy little trails led to a handful of observation points that gave a pretty view of the beach off to one side, a weird sea monster looking set of rocks in the water and lots of ocean. There was also a tiny tree stump that had a heart shaped center ring that made me believe it may have been a Giving Tree – loving its people even while they were cutting it down. The scenery was beautiful but also clearly a lover’s nest reminding me just a bit of the beach the main characters of Wristcutters: A Love Story woke up on. If you’ve seen that movie you’re probably screaming just a little bit, if you haven’t you should totally watch it. It’s way more wholesome than the title infers, I swear! It’s dark comedy at its finest.
Since I spent my actual birthday with family I decided to spend a second day just living it up with BF and BFF. Such is the way I organize my double life in two states. ANYWAY, to start off the celebrations we went to an old haunt – the Blue Plate Diner, which I’m not sure I’ve mentioned on this blog before because we’ve been there so many times. That being said the staff is always friendly, the food is delicious, and this Nutella French Toast was the perfect sugary sweet way to start a whole day of not giving a fuck about anything!
At this point I feel I’ve poked and prodded just about every corner Newport RI has to offer but then my trusty companion dusted off an old memory to find this place again and I am so happy he did so because it was another great little hike.
Obviously being a campground it’s probably absolutely infested with children in the summer months but we’re just starting spring so it was delightfully abandoned during this particular adventure. A few RVs were parked in a lot as we drove towards the trailhead. Otherwise this could be the set of a zombie apocolypse movie.
As we got to the trailhead I was enamored by the trees which were grotesquely twisted and bent with claw-like branches reaching in all directions. Clearly this is where every creepy and haunted tree on the island had migrated to. I was almost surprised they weren’t coming to life and hurling apples at us like in The Wizard of Oz.
And beyond those trees? An old rusty and abandoned water tower covered in graffiti and sitting on a nest of millions of broken glass bottle shards. Well now we know where the teenagers go while their younger siblings are traipsing about the trails or locked in the family caravan. *whistles*
The other teenagers of a Gothic persuasion probably hung out at what looked like a summoning circle – two old picnic tables looking at a fire pit and guarded by a cloud of bats. There was a decently sized bat house within view although it did look like it could use some repair.
We did all the trails because they were short and sweet and kept in with chain link fences to one side and the ocean on the other. There were a few cute fishing nooks around the pond and I could see how this could be a nice family destination.
We reached the far end which seemed like a dyke of sorts behind a cute little neighborhood. A solitary young woman walked out here trying not to make eye contact. My companion remarked it was oddly quiet, the only people noises we could hear were from a nearby arena. I looked curiously on at a gaggle of sail boats, still trying to figure out why anyone would want to get on one. My lifelong fear of the ocean has left me deeply suspicious of boats.
We headed back after doing the entire round, satisfied we’d gotten our exercise in for the day.
Another day, another small exploration. After exhausting all the antique stores in the area it seemed only logical to move onto thrift stores so we checked out this one.
It was a cute little store off a busy street. Initially upon entering I didn’t see much and pondered if this place just opened. No, it was just lacking baubles (save from some creepy dolls and clown bric-a-bracs which are to be expected.) Several other rooms were less underwhelming. One was dedicated to old books and clothes. It wasn’t much but there was an entire aisle dedicated to flannel which is really weird because flannel is so… not Newport. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone wear flannel here. Not even ironically. Still, this thrift store probably just knew it’s clientele. Thrifty lesbians. They make up a huge section of customers at any good thrift store- except the Salvation Army because they’ve made it their goal to be absolute dicks to the gay community, even going so far as to fund anti-gay and anti-trans legislation. Fuck em’ these little independently owned thrift stores are where it’s at anyway.
To prove my point the furniture here was VERY decently priced! I didn’t see anything over $200 and there was some nice pieces! Just look at this funky green chair. $68. I’m not going to lie, if I had a place of my own and was in need of a weird chair it would have come home with me.
It’s been a while since I tried a new escape room and this one’s brand spanking new. It’s small, currently with only two rooms – one with an ancient Egyptian mummy theme and the other about DaVinci. The following will contain no spoilers but will be a review of the experience.
I think this may have been my favorite escape room so far partially because I was blown away by the ambiance of the place. I was told it used to be a hookah bar, which might explain the elaborate wallpaper but I was taken aback with the luscious purple walls and glammed up tin ceiling, with a Victorian looking couch and chandelier in the waiting area. It just had so much personality!
And if the decor wasn’t enough to wow the genuine warmth and passion of the staff was palpable. We ended up doing the Egyptian themed room and it was… a challenge, as it should be, but quite fun! And the ambiance did not let up! Though the room was somewhat spartan at first the decorations that did exist were so well done. Someone clearly put a lot of love into these props and background. They were perfect. So much so that I wonder what the DaVinci room looks like!
We were able to figure out all the puzzles although we did get a little hung up at the end. That’s OK, we still made it. I really enjoyed this place and this was one of only a few rooms I actually felt useful. Most of these I go to as the group wants me to feel included but I have no idea what I’m doing. This time I felt a little less lost so that was nice!
Anyway, if you’re in the area and games, puzzles, and escape rooms are up your ally definitely check it out!
Initially I had set out to do all the registered Little Free Libraries in Newport in one day. You know, something to do while I was killing time here anyway. In each I’d leave a signed copy of one of my books and it’d be a lot of fun. However, I failed to recognize two things: the mind-boggling amount of traffic this tiny island has and 2: how very little patience I have for it. Oh, and how much excess traffic also equals no parking. This was not an adventure for a car but that’s how I went about it anyway. As such this took me three different excursions even though you could probably walk to each. Below are photos I took and some musings on every one I could find.
112 Bliss Road
112 Bliss
122 Bliss was actually really sweet. I fund it on a grey day where it was threatening to rain and somehow that just made it all the better. It is, as you can see, pained to look like a little grey house. And it was plenty loved! On this particular day it was busting with the usual pulp fiction and crime novels. I liked its lovely unique character.
384 Broadway
384 Broadway
I like 384 Boradway because of the amount of pedestrian traffic it must see. It is located in some prime real estate for people walking by. In fact this was so much the case that the first time I went to find it traffic distracted me too much to see it but that being said you’d definitely see it if you were walking in this area. It was quiet, demure, and well maintained, filled almost entirely with two shelves worth of tawdry romance and crime drama. I’m definitely noticing these seem to be the most favored genres and if I am to believe the spines on these books they are WELL loved.
45 Weaver Ave
45 Weaver
45 Weaver struck me as particularly sweet not just because of the fetching Tardis Blue box but also the fact its owners were giving away free plants at its base. Double the fun!
26 Homer Street
26 Homer Street
26 Homer Street was in a cozy little neighborhood where I found ample parking on this particular day. It was interesting more because of its contents than its looks. Here there were the usual thick and very adult romances and crime dramas but also a corner that seemed to be reserved for grade school age chapter books? It’s possible they were all left by the same person just trying to move them on… or maybe this is a thing with this location. Not sure. There was nothing on the outside of it to make me think it was intended for a child audience but who knows. It’s good to be inclusive I guess.
4 Union Street
26 Homer Street
26 Homer Street was interesting because it showed up at random rather recently. It wasn’t in my first Free Little Library searches. I decided I would be the first to check in on it in a somewhat official manner. Indeed it’s a little unusual. It appeared to be a home made box with an unusual lock to keep the door closed. Inside I found it mostly empty. A few books seemed to have been placed in here in hope… I left an author’s proof copy of Milking the Cat that I felt was a sufficiently odd choice for such an odd box.
“7” Prairie Ave
Prairie Ave
Prairie Ave took me two tries to find because it appears they may have changed the address numbers on the whole street recently. I think the address is somewhere around 20 not 7. Still. Once I slowed down to take a good look it wasn’t hard to find and there was a ton of parking on this particular day so I didn’t even have to walk. I loved this one because it’s made from a stained glass window which gives it so much class and character and the books I found within were equally as unique. This was the first time I found an old volume that I might find in a dusty attic – I think it was printed in the 1950’s. It was encyclopedia of great composers and their music. Aside it was next to a copy of Romeo and Juliet, the Crucible, the first anime I’ve ever seen in a little library (Fullmetal Alchemist volume 6) a hardcover copy of 50 Jobs Worse Than Yours, and something titled The End of Nature. Bizarre. Truely the weirdest collection yet.
BONUS LIBRARIES:
I was unable to locate the Free Little Library at the community center on 20 Dr Marcus F Wheatland Blvd. This may be because it was inside the center and I… was not comfortable enough as an out-of-stater to check out. I also passed by a Little Library in a neighborhood near the beaches at one point but where I was I couldn’t tell you. And finally there’s one rumored to be on Spring Street which… if I had any reason to walk the length of Spring Street I’d totally check out otherwise I’d rather not slowly drive down this preposterously long one-way street pissing off traffic as I peer to either side of the street looking. Oh and fuck trying to find parking there. Nooooope. Gonna pass on that one!
I can’t tell you how many times I have driven by Aardvark Antiques, saw the big lions out front, and made a note to go there without ever making it. It’s one of those things – you know, a thing in town you just keep putting off because it’s so close.
Finally, the intrigue got the better of us and we decided we’d take a little poke at it. Nothing could have prepared us for what was beyond the big wrought iron gates. There in a small yard was a fascinating array of outdoor statuary. Some concrete, for those of us who aren’t dropping a trail of gold coins like a goblin, and others were bronze for those of us who really are. A life size bronze stallion galloped in place with a sort of intense realism. He demanded a $22,000 price tag. But if stallions weren’t your thing there were also an assortment of Grecco-Roman styled statues, a few dragons, a herd of African Safari animals, some creepy children, and two giant dancing frogs for anyone who was both rich and quirky.
Inside was even more interesting. This place was packed from floor to ceiling with just about anything to delight any eccentrics in the area. On the wall a giant moose head glowered down at us. The ceiling formed a canopy of random hanging things – everything from bicycles, to chandeliers, to a life-sized angel being lowered down from the heavens. It was almost like if the Catholic Church had a junkyard of antiquities. Moving on we came to a whole room full of stained-glass windows clearly from churches. Some were just ornate and colorful while others displayed whole religious scenes.
The furniture in this place all looked like it’d been freshly imported from some castle on Game of Thrones. Crazy heavy carved wooden chairs, tables, and writing desks played among smaller items that ranged in all categories. There was even a cabinet full of what looked like medieval Jesus paintings. And a lot of Asian pieces as well. It felt like getting lost in a bit of a time warp. Should I ever find myself a wealthy eccentric I’m coming back and just pointing at things to load into the truck! This was well worth the visit!
I told you we’d be back to take another shot at Cliff Walk. This time we almost accomplished the whole second half! But I’m getting ahead of myself…
First we figured out where we’d left off and then parked as close as we could to it in a spot that neither one of us felt was legal but you know… sometimes you just have to take the chance with the meter maids. We started near hiking point 7 – The Breakers. We’d already seen a lot of this on our first crack at it so we basically speed walked our way through all the sights and the cool egg-shaped tunnel in the rocks. This end of Cliff Walk was MUCH less populated than the other end and we were more or less alone for most of the journey with only an old hippie woman ahead of us – again beating my ass at this whole exercise thing. Damn she could ankle! SIIIIGH.
It was a hot day but there was a refreshing sea breeze coming off the water that for the most part kept me going. At other points it just smelled of rank and rotting seaweed. We were horrified to find some hikers had wandered off the path at one point to one of these little mini beaches and were swimming in the same fetid seaweed water that was giving off such an ungodly stench. It was two young women, one with a cigarette, each almost waist deep in the water squealing whenever the sea vomited up more half fermented seaweed to tangle around their legs. The chick with the cigarette raised it above her head every time the crashing tides came in. It was… a sight. And a smell!
“Oh man, they’re going to smeeeeeelllll when they get home…” Even the many dogs we had seen hiking with their masters weren’t rolling in that water – in fact they were panting off in the opposite direction – which really says something.
Newport is FULL of beaches. Most of them do not smell. In fact there were a couple other little semi private inlets on this walk alone that would have provided a better option… but to each their smelly own!
This stretch of the Cliff Walk was definitely more intense than the first half. There was a lot more scrabbling, a lot more rocks, a lot more antiquated staircases crumbling under the stresses only salt water can provide. But with these rocky stretches came new and beautiful sights. We could still see the sea angrily rushing towards shore, sometimes bringing with it piles of rocks that clacked and rumbled in the most whimsical way. There were a lot fewer birds but in their place we found a whole host of tide pools which are fun in their own right. I didn’t see too much life other than algae in them but I’m sure if I spent the time I may have found some periwinkles or itty bitty crabs or something. It’s been a dog’s year since I have gone tide pooling. It’s like looking into a little micro world you knew nothing about.
My hiking companion asked what the sea birds were. I hadn’t a clue. He’s the one that lives next to the sea! “But all I know are sea gulls and they suck.” Google later answered the question of what the big black birds having a meeting on a rock were – cormorants. Here ends all knowledge I have of said birds. They seemed chill. Certainly more so than sea gulls which let’s face it – are indeed the mosquitos of the bird world – being both obnoxious and somehow everywhere.
Meanwhile we were having fun with the more decrepit parts of the walk. We kept finding crumbled walls, bricked up stair cases, a few flits of graffiti, and random broken pipes and metal bits jutting out of the rocks off shore. It was an interesting contrast to the mansions which continued to line the path.
“Who owns that one?”
“I don’t know. I think Jay Leno has a house out here somewhere.”
“OK, I’m officially picking that one as the one the town witch lives in.”
“Why?”
“Every town needs a witch and that place looks old and beaten down.” (It did however have far more character than the better manicured mansions.)
It was wild out here – who knew that so much landscaping went into having a mansion next to the sea. We both got a good whiff of moo doo. But hey, it sure was green!
I was super proud of myself for only having to take a few very tiny breaks – and those were all due to overheating which was a vast improvement over exhaustion and pain. I still drank like a camel on leave but hey I made it! When we found ourselves at another street we decided to turn back even though the end of the trail was probably within spitting distance and you KNOW we’re going to have to go back a third time just to finish the damn thing. Point was my car was still illegally parked and we sorta needed to get back so whoosh! We waved to our new hippie friend (who had met with her family at this little cragged beach and was joining them fishing) and turned around.
All and all it was another lovely walk – this time a little better for an introvert such as myself as there were less people out here. I would still strongly suggest it if you’re in the area… just uh… be mindful of the parking situation. (And if you’re wondering – no, I did not end up with a ticket. We managed to ninja our way out of there without so much as a fuss.)
I know, I know, another Newport entry?! Yes. Because life and schedules and so many other things! Just keeping it local for yet another week after last week’s lovely Cliff Walk.
Touro Park & Tower
Awhile ago I lamented I hadn’t gone to see the ever mysterious “Viking” tower in Newport which is pretty lame because I have spent the past year and some months going back and forth to Newport without seeing what’s arguably it’s most contentious monument. Back in the day the Old Timers liked to tell their children it was built by Vikings sometime before the British colonists. And then some historians came in and said well no… this is in no way Viking architecture which started a wild debate that has raged for decades now. What we do know about it is that it was cited on the earliest maps of the area which suggests it was here either as one of the very first structures built by the colonists or well before them. Right now the most popular theory is that it was built by the first farmers in Newport as a windmill. Not everyone agrees with this assessment.
I was excited to see it for myself because I’d seen pictures of it on documentaries and I was already entranced by it’s bizarrely Roman styled arches. The earliest recorded colonists in the area were British, not Italian, so it’s… an enigma. We don’t even know for sure what it actually was… was it a windmill? A tower? A place of worship? A monument? An observatory? WE HAVE NO IDEA.
The tower is located in a little park surrounded by green grass and other monuments that mark important events int he city’s history but it’s distinctly different. It draws you to it like a stone Mona Lisa. I am so happy I got to see it in person because I immediately noted a few things I didn’t not see on other photos. First off it wasn’t just a tower – inside there were very clearly purposeful nooks, shelves, windows, and holes. I struggled to make sense of them wondering if they could be reached at some point from a possibly wooden staircase that’d long since rotted away from human memory. It almost looked like… a library, little places for books or perhaps religeous statues. None of that made sense in a colonialist context. The first Puritan settlers weren’t exactly big readers (unless youc ount the Bible) and they did not believe in worshipping idols. What made even less sense was the archetecture. Besides having very obvious Roman arches I was also quick to note that this structure was put together mostly by gravity with very little mortar. This was unlike Roman structures but did remind me of the castles I’d once seen in central Europe. A real conundrum.
In case you’re wondering if perhaps this wasn’t the work of the indigenous peoples that’s about the only thing I am willing to count out because they were not known to create permanent monuments of any kind and although there are stone structures around new England that were likely built by native peoples this looked nothing like those modest little places of worship. Whoever did this seemed… worldly. One of the possibilities that is only murmured about is the fact it may have been built by other white settlers who came before the Mayflower. There’s no proof anyone ever made it here but there are a lot of weird unexplained artifacts here and there that suggest several ethnicities of people made it across the sea at some point either to die stranded here or perhaps taken in by the indigenous peoples. This is my favorite theory although it doesn’t go so far as to explain exactly who these intrepid explorers were or why they built this thing.
ANYWAY. The tower was just the beginning of our adventuring that day. We also checked out the rest of the park which had some sort of monument in the middle that was hard to interpret. Something about relations with China and then the physical part of the monument seemed to be a bronze work of a bunch of slaves being taken from Africa. I do not believe the two things were related but this was probably once the town common where slaves would have been sold alongside livestock and other goods. It makes sense… but I it still strikes me as a bit tone deaf.
We just walked around after this. Newport is FILLED with named homes all on the historic register. Each displaying cute little plaques. Everything from the elk’s lodge that was once a Naval Academy during the Civil War to the home of the guy who first introduced the tomato to America! Plus some homes that really looked like they started life as a barn and a weird reclaimed church someone painted a delightful Gothic purple. Appreciate your sense of humor – whoever you are!
Trinity Church & Adjoining Historic Newport Cemetery #10
Of course the day wouldn’t have been complete without some cemeteries and churches. our first was the Trinity Church which looks quite plain from the outside but that would have been the Puritan way. Built it 1726 as a church for a congregation that formed in 1698 it’s claim to fame is that George Washington once visited here (as well as other notables Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Andrew, and Archbishop Desmond Tutu.) Plus the guy who once asked, “if a tree falls in the forest will it make a sound?” was one of the Bishops who gave sermons here. Legend says he came up with that question while meditating on a nearby beach. The church has kept much of its historic charm – including box pews and nodding rods once used to poke people awake during services. People still worship here and I guess they still give tours as well. We didn’t check this out but we did pop around the back to amble through their adorable historic cemetery – also known as Historic Newport Cemetery #10. As far as I can tell the only person of note to be buried here is US senator William Hunter – 1774-1849. That being said it was a small and well maintained cemetery with a lot of wonderful slate stones, worn by the salty weather on the coast here but still legible. A very nice introduction to this sort of graveyard.
Bowen’s Wharf
By now we were wandering by the wharf which… I’m sure my companion was sick to death of but probably got to see through new eyes on this particular day. I am not 100% sure associating with Benedict Arnold is the best selling point they could have thought up but there it is proudly displayed on the sign. People were everywhere on this gorgeous summer day. The place was bustling. And the smell of delicious food from the local restaurants wafted through the air. I’m told seals exist somewhere in the water which is news to me. New England has seals?! OK! We didn’t poke any further instead deciding to walk on by the wharf to the end of the street where I found this terrifying statue of a child being eaten whole by the ocean.
The Sailing Museum
We didn’t go in the sailing museum but I was brought by it because it looks like a castle and well… that’s kinda cool. But hey, if sailing is your bag then by all means I’m sure it’s lovely.
Saint Mary’s Parish
From here it was a mere hop to Saint Mary’s Parish which is where John F Kennedy got married to Jackie Bouvier. It’s pretty. And in a very active part of town. I took a bunch of photos all while telling my travel companion this whole street looked haunted. He told me all the churches were supposed to be and that’s the exact moment I took this photo with a weird white mist. Take from that whatever you want.
The International Tennis Hall of Fame
Next we walked to the International Tennis Hall of Fame which is situated next to a building that looks distinctly out of place with what to me looks like Bavarian architecture. The Tennis Hall of Fame was no less bizarre. I couldn’t even put my finger on what style it was supposed to be built in. A lot of the ornamentation looked vaguely Asian but the building itself looked like… a lot of people added to it over time. It was odd. We walked through to the courtyard. It was a nice restful stop away from the hustle and bustle of this tourist town. Out here there were numerous tennis courts and several people of varying skills whacking the ball back and forth. it was surprisingly chill. There was even a bunny here just wandering around chewing on the grass, oblivious to the humans. I very much enjoyed the beauty of the buildings as we walked around. “Is tennis a big thing here in Newport?” “I don’t know… I guess?” And that’s when we came to the old theater which had a plaque out front stating some famous thespian had played Sherlock Homes there back in the day… I knew nothing of the guy but I guess he is the one who started wearing a deerstalker hat for the character and it really caught on. Whether that happened here in Newport I have no idea but it’s a fun little story and I’m sorry I forgot his name. Basil something. Basil Rathbone. Yes, the most Englishy sounding name ever. Thank you Google!
Christopher Columbus Statue
After wandering like a deranged squirrel for a while we ended up passing a statue of Christopher Columbus which seemed… odd and out of place. I only make note of it now because I think it won’t be long before we take down all depictions of this genocidal dipshit. There are a lot of better historic figures to worship.
Newport Art Museum
The Newport Art Museum is as whimsically adorable as it is beautiful and I really enjoyed talking a photo of it coyly hiding behind a big flowering tree. We didn’t go in – I’m not even sure if they’re open considering Covid and all. It didn’t really look very lively… but it might be a nice place to poke at at some point.
Redwood Library and Athenium
As we made our way back to the car we passed our final curiosity – the Redwood Library and Athenium established in 1747. They have historic books and records and were currently inflating a huge silver alien to place on an equally giant rocking chair in the front yard. Two women caught sight of me and happily burbled, “Hello!” That’s the perks of having crazy colored hair. Other weird people are so excited to meet me. We both really wanted to check out this place but it closed at 4 and we didn’t get our lazy butts around in time. Perhaps another adventure for another day. It does look super interesting!
Miniature Occassions and Dolls
Oh! I lied! There was one more totally weird stop I forgot about – Miniature Occasions and Dolls. When we walked by it we just had to go in – you know, to see if they had any haunted dolls. Keep in mind I’ve never been into an actual doll shop before so this was quite the experience! It was a tiny little shop crammed to the ceiling with dollhouses and miniature treasures to put in said dollhouses. It was all at once terrifying and fascinating. On a couch sat two antiquated ventriloquist dummies and above their head, I kid you not, was a ceiling full of hanging naked headless baby dolls. I have no idea why but I could not for the life of me resist taking one quick snap when the shop owner was looking away. CAN YOU BLAME ME?! Anyway – all serial killer vibes aside this looks like a great place to buy such novelties if you’re so inclined. And so ends this adventure… until next time!
