Tag: Recreation

Evil Dead – The Musical – Nashua NH

October might be the usual time for all things blood and gore but this year the festivities started a month early with a delightful musical misadventure. We’d caught this tour as they were going through Nashua NH, stopping at a cute little theater with parking for maybe 10 cars max. That was the first fun part. I’m not at all convinced I didn’t cuddle my Prius up somewhere it wasn’t supposed to be but luckily no one seemed to notice this unauthorized vehicle in the lot we found. The area wasn’t exactly bustling with activity. It was really weird. I used to come to Nashua NH exactly once a year to shop for school clothes at the mall when I was a kid and I remembered it to be this huge scuzzy city. Now coming back to it after I’ve been through Boston and NYC and I found myself intensely underwhelmed. It’s funny how things change.

As I got out of the car I was greeted with snickers and giggles, “Did you remember to bring a change of clothes?”

“For what??” Once again I was either not exactly running with all the information or it’d gone by my ears so long ago I’d forgotten. No, I did not bring a change of clothes, who brings a change of clothes to a play?! I mean I know the play is about a dude with a chainsaw for a hand but… oh god, that sounds messy.

As we walked into the theater they had a raffle going for an odd prize. It was like one of those giant foam sports fingers but instead of a finger it was a chainsaw. Cute. Looking around the audience was presumably a very neurospicy crowd. Tufts of vibrant unnaturally colored hair and funny tee shirts were scattered throughout this gathering like rainbow jimmies on a cupcake. It was nice. You know how much I love my fellow misfits.

Having bought these tickets way the hell in advance we were able to sit front and center. Directly behind a weird black box with tubes coming out of it. Huh. Odd. Is that…. a blood sprinkler? Because the nozzle seemed to be pointed directly at me. Hmmm..

When the play finally started we were treated with a cast delivering only the campiest of lines with the same inflection and unwarranted enthusiasm as a 1950’s film on hygiene. There were enough innuendos, puns, and dad jokes to last a lifetime. And between all the singing and bit humor there was a malcontented tree. Fucking loved that tree. May have been the best character in the play!

And as much as I was loving every cheesy bit of this it still wasn’t gory. By now my purse was tucked under my plastic covered chair hopefully well out of way of the splash zone. We’d all passed up on the offer to buy a $5 poncho. I’d been to the Blue Man Group before, they also sold largely unnecessary ponchos. We’d all take our chances. Then came the infamous chopping off of the hand scene and blood spurted straight into the air on the other side of the audience, like a lawn sprinkler. Pfft. I could handle a little mist like that. Little was I to know that just because of where I was sitting I’d been specially chosen for a blood bath like no other.

I was only halfway expecting it but luckily my reflexes kicked in before my brain did and I closed my mouth and eyes as a geyser of fake blood shot directly at my face, DRENCHED every bit of me, stopped, AND THEN STARTED IN AGAIN. The audience laughed uproariously as I ineffectively held up my hands, not exactly sure what to do. That blood was COLD and I was starting to regret my decision not to wear a bra that night. But you know what? Of all the places to let my titties wander feral and free (as goddess intended) I guess a horror musical is at least fitting. There was no part of my T-shirt, face, pants, and shoes that wasn’t sopping wet by now. Even my hair was dripping and I thought I’d experienced the last of it but no. For comedic effect I got one third blast as I heard my dearest yell-laughing, “OH MY GOD!” Splatter zone my ass, this was a drench zone! And I loved every bit of it. Except maybe the taste. We decided the blood must be unsweetened Kool-Aid. But I get it. Got to use something that’s not too sticky!

You might think that was it but actually that was just the first half of the show. The second half was much bloodier and the sources of the blood were coming from all directions not just the sprinklers. Audience members who thought they were safe 3 rows up were absolutely not safe. I felt a little bad for the two wearing white T-shirts who got drenched as well. But everyone seemed to be really enjoying this absolutely absurd series of events.

We had so much fun and were in very high spirits when we finally left. I found my emergency hoodie in the car and changed in the backseat like a hobo before driving the hour home. I had an absolute blast and would very highly recommend going to see this production if you too love campy horror, unlikely musicals, or just happen to need a bath in Kool-Aid.

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H P Lovecraft Short Film Festival 2023 – Day 3 – Providence Rhode Island

Hey hey! I am back after an inevitable health crash to post this final blog entry on the film festival. Such is life!

I attended the third and final day of the HP Lovecraft Short Film Festival which was by far the most popular, the biggest audience we’d seen and they seemed such a lovely assortment of people, some of them completely unexpected like a whole row of little old ladies straight out of church on that Sunday morning. Suffice to say they didn’t last long – just three shorts before the last got too gross for them to continue. But hey! At least they’re out there doing something new! Good for them! Also in the group was a large collection of clearly neurospicy people, a few Goth girls, some gamers, some artists.. it was lovely.

It was such a sweet gaggle of people that my travel companion, and the reason I was here, was trustworthy enough to leave his backpack in a chair to save his seat during intermission. I am not that trusting! Ain’t no way I’m leaving my purse to be pawed through by some ne’er-do-well. My wallet is in there as well as my meds. Not like they’re anything interesting – only if you happen to have a hankering for birth control or antacids but still. Even so the backpack was unmolested when we returned so who knows, maybe I’m the paranoid one here. These were good people. Happy people. Weird people.

Most of the films on the roster were world premieres so that is always fun. They made me want to make my own movie – a wee animated film of baby Cthulhu doing stupid antics to the tune of The Popcorn Song. I could do this. I might even be able to submit it. But I probably should be focusing on less frivolous projects. Food’s getting very expensive!

ANYWAY… where was I? Oh yes, the films! As I have done in Part One and Part Two of this festival, I will now add teasers about each film. No spoilers, promise.

First I’ll detail the feature film: Frogman: A found footage horror about a four foot tall anthropormorphic frog and an entire town that keeps his dirty frog secrets. To the other person in the theater who laughed inappropriately whenever the frogman jumped onto the screen: thank you. I like not being the only psycho in the audience.

The Weaver: Another cougar flick but with boogers.

Disassociation: All those who wander are not lost. Sometimes they’re just trying to rob you.

Our Tell-Tale Heart: There’s a reason the tell-tale heart is so iconic. It’s because it’s still a fucking terrifying idea. This time the cops are coming in.

Play It All Night Long: What happens when you piss off the music demons, stick around and find out.

Death Parts Us: Short, trippy, confusing enough for me to lose my attention span. My bad.

Oddities: As a frequenter of antique stores this one was written for me and my possessed doll loving heart.

Howie’s Flowers: This film was shorter than this sentence but still broke my fucking heart! WHY?!

The Wyrm of Bwich Pen Barras: SO THAT’S what Welsh sounds like! This one had severe folk tale vibes and I goddamn loved it.

The Stool with Pants and Shoes on: Very self-explanatory. Weirdly coherent. Great quirky humor.

Don’t Bother the Neighbors: Tentacles and Kung-Fu or Tentacle-Fu if you will.

Fax Repair and You: Old School special effects show off. Hardcore.

Nosepicker: Illustrating the one unifying concept of humanity: where there are children there will be boogers. Also, a way too literal interpretation of the boogeyman. Did I mention it was gross? So gross. Like very sticky wet gross.

Wizinski’s AC Services: When prank phone calls go wrong.

And that was that! Had a delightful time all three days and even bought a swank T-shirt. It’s got three hares and a human-y standing goat dancing around a campfire in the woods. Very Dionysian. Love it.

Until next time it’s been nice sharing this experience with my fellow weirdos. Much love!

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The H P Lovecraft Film Festival 2023 – Day One -Providence Rhode Island

It’s that time of year again! Where all the local eccentrics gather for a good old fashioned scream fest. Or chuckle fit. Depending on if you’re one of those people. And it’s really nice because we can attend this year with a clear conscience since these films are all independent and are not part of any ongoing writer strikes. So, the cute local theater gets their share of attention, the films get theirs, and the whole audience benefits as well. It’s sweet really.

So, who is really attending these things anyway? A surprising amount of people if I am honest and they seem to be from all walks of life. I was even happily surprised by a handful of unrelated black people who showed up. Why? Because HP Lovecraft was apparently just as appalling a racist as he was a horror writer and because of that I can see why most people of color would probably want to stay away. That being said there seems to be a marked effort by these particular fans to be as not racist or shitty as possible with an eye towards diversity as you’ll see later. But really the biggest reason I was so happy to see a few melanin-gifted faces here amongst the crowd is because I think it’s hilarious. I mean if I were black I would make a point to like HP Lovecraft and inspire others to do the same – just to see the poor bastard roll in his grave. But that’s me. Spreader of joyful chaos.

The film festival this year was held at the Columbus Theater with a few other related events at different spots around town that included readings, walking tours, and a few mixers. And let’s not forget the vendors! An assortment of lovely Lovecraftian T-shirts, some horror books, and various delightful arts and novelties were available.

We attended for both blocks of short films as well as the night’s much longer feature which were separated by a small 20-minute intermission. Without spoiling anything I’d like to give some very short “reviews” of each film (more in the spirit of a teaser because they were all wonderful!)

To Fire You Come at Last: A rich 17th century arsehole may or may not get eaten. (This one was British and had some fun twists!)

Night-Gaunts: PUPPETS!!!

Ihruqax: This Swedish film shows a young blind woman just trying to figure out what’s going on when madness starts spreading through her sighted peers.

Dead Enders: Clerks but with facehuggers. And yes, it was just as funny as it sounds.

A King in Yellow: Deaf girl gets foisted into a seriously trippy series of places and events.

Terror: 11 minutes of confusing back-to-back flashbacks. Would not suggest watching if you are prone to seizures.

The Temple: This Canadian film features a bunch of Germans in a U-boat speaking French and being subtitled in English. I know, that shorted out my brain a little bit too. But after the initial confusion it was actually a super decent film!

Then there was the night’s feature film Gods of the Deep which was where a deep-sea submarine fiddled about the ocean’s bum. (Don’t know why this review is in British. I may have had a stroke.) It also answered the uncomfortable question how close you can get to tentacle porn without actually being tentacle porn…

And that was the evening. All and all it was really quite pleasant. I wasn’t at any point scared but I did get a few good laughs, a few may have been at inappropriate times but what can I say? I’m off in the head.

View of the screen at the theater reading H P Lovecraft Film Festival
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Fort Barton & Fort Barton Woods Tiverton RI

It was another humid day that felt like we were vacationing on a swamp on the sun. Just thick dank air. Still, it was cloudy so maaaaybe we could get away with being outside. MAYBE.

We decided not to go too far and found Fort Barton and the Fort Barton Woods only a few minutes away. It was apparently the spot of the Battle of Rhode Island. Never heard of it? Don’t worry, this was news to me too, maybe because it was ultimately a battle we lost… to the British. I guess we were trying to protect Newport and the whole island from this strategic point but when that didn’t work the British came in and occupied the city instead.

There aren’t really any remnants of the fort left, at least not that I could see, but there was a nice observation tower you could climb and gain a really nice view of the bay and the island beyond and there was ample parking for such a little-known gem.

There were several trails here and maps to help guide the way. We chose the shortest loop path because after getting out of the car we were starting to realize how oppressive and sticky it was out there. We basically raced at a very brisk walk, up and down craggy little hills. It wasn’t the most challenging but at the same time the last thing either of us wanted today was to be fighting against the gravity of various hills.
Still, the path was nice. It seemed as if a lot of people had been through here even if it looked at times quite hairy and overgrown. To the side we were even lucky enough to find a wee little cemetery nestled in the woods, protected by stone walls. Most of the monuments seem to have been missing to time but a small handful still stood wearily looking over what appeared to be a farm of some sort. A rooster crowed in the background and melted my heart. I forgot how much I loved that sound.

I was doing pretty good even though I almost immediately started overheating. I was able to make almost the whole loop (which was less than a mile) before I had to sit down. By then I could feel the heat coming off my face like a burner. I was dizzy, disoriented, and knew I was in trouble — yet again. I sat on a cold rock, my feet propped up on another rock. I didn’t have any water so this would have to do. Luckily by then we were really close to the car and I cranked up the AC and went home after recovering for a few minutes.

Despite these difficulties it was very pretty! The overgrowth gave it a sort of fairy like charm. I snapped a few shots with my phone and decided to come back on some cooler day to take the longer loop path.

All and all we learned some history, enjoyed a lot of greenery, somehow avoided a plague of ticks (seriously, take bug spray) and managed to not die of heat stroke. I’d call that a win!

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The Godmother of All Little Libraries – Pickity Place Mason NH

Of all the free little libraries I have visited throughout New England the one at Pickety Place has the most endearing back story and dare I say it’s also by far the most whimsically beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

The story starts in 1786 when this sweet little cottage was built in what I can only guess was wilderness. I don’t have any idea how it’s managed to stay standing (and so loved!) throughout all these years but it still there proudly in the middle of nowhere. It is such a charming and unique setting that Elizabeth Orton Jones used it as the model for her illustrations in Little Red Riding Hood (Little Golden Books, 1948).

Currently it stands as a restaurant and museum surrounded by the most delightful little flower and herb gardens. It has remained burned into the memories of locals because it’s not just a restaurant, it’s an experience. When I went to find it (looking for the library on the grounds) I was wound down a series of increasingly sketchy dirt roads until I was sure the Prius and myself were going to be eaten by bears. And then out of nowhere appeared this property and it’s weird Byzantine parking lot amongst the trees. Seriously the parking lot was the strangest I’d ever seen.

I did not go on a day the restaurant was open because I was only looking for the library and… well to be frank, I’m way to poor for this sort of thing. I can’t even afford McDonalds on my own much less an experience, but that being said I am told the food is out of this world. I’ve literally never heard anything bad about this place which brings us to the library – that sweet, ornate, library just bursting with love.

The library is made from the stump of a very old and very beloved tree which succumbed to the forces of nature and split in twain during a particularly egregious snowstorm. The tree could not be saved but the mourning process brought forth an idea – what if what remained could somehow be repurposed and given a new sort of life? And that’s how this stunning little library came into existence. The stump was deprived of its bark, stained, hollowed out, and artists were commissioned to create exquisitely carved doors, a stained-glass window for the back, and a roof. I can’t tell you how mesmerized I was by this creation. And I was so honored to leave a signed copy of my book Achilles in Heels in it! But you know what was even more amazing? Someone “caught” my book and left a wonderful review on BookCrossing before “releasing it into the wild” to be captured by someone else. I have donated signed copies of my books to dozens of libraries at this point and this was the first one someone publicly claimed through the Book Crossing program. Can you say my heart nearly exploded in warmth and joy? Because it totally did.

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Another Man’s Treasure – Salem CT

After checking out Nathan Hall’s Antique Center we still didn’t have enough for the day and were far enough from home to want to slip yet one more little exploration in there, so we ended up not too far away at Another Man’s Treasure which was our second pick after the first turned out to be an obsolete store… Anyway, it’s in a little plaza, in the corner store at the back.

And I must say the displays in this place were really nice. They even somehow made a couple jars of pickled god-knows-what from god-knows-when look amazing! And they somehow managed to make a couple closets into displays as well. All and all though this was a rather small shop and didn’t have much in the way of the usual things I am drawn too. It was all a bit… sanitized… but hey, if that’s the sort of thing you’re into check it out if you find yourself in the area!

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Middleboro Antique Co-Op – Middleborough MA

OK, so this post has been sitting in my draft folder since December… Whoops. Time to let it see the light of day!

Middleboro Antique Co-op was another delightfully large mall adorned with a life size Betty Boop! And since it was the holidays she was surrounded by three big Ho Ho Ho’s. I’m sure nothing was meant by this. (Seriously though, I fucking love Betty Boop in all her salaciousness. You go girl!)

ANYWAY. This place does not look that big from the outside and initially when you walk in it still appears pretty small with a bunch of little rooms off to the side. It was very spacious once you got around some of the corners and everything was laid out very professionally. Being that it was right before Christmas there was also a surprising amount of people. We walked through looking for our usual taboo items but this all seemed pretty tame except one really odd book called “Pepe was the Saddest Bird” that ended with an ad to buy war bonds. Weird. Will have to look into that later.

Another absolutely bizarre find was what I am GUESSING was an ad for baby food where two toddlers were bareknuckle boxing??? Obviously, the bigger fatter baby was black and wearing a potato sack. You know, got to get that racism in over the initial shock of forcing babies to fight to the death or whatever.

At some point my travel companion went to the bathroom and then disappeared. No idea where he was. I walked back to the front where the bathrooms were and nope… no one. Turns out this place has a basement and it’s sprawling! And also has a lot more of the odd and cheaper stuff down there where I am guessing vendors pay less for less than prime real estate. And that’s where there were booths full of terrifying dolls and I was loving every second of this. I think there may have even been one there with actual human teeth which is something I just learned some dolls have. Isn’t that a comforting thought!

Anyway, this place took a couple hours to go through and we could have spent more time there if we weren’t both getting a smidge hangry by this point. We left after marveling at a decrepit Gothic pram.

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Save the Bay Exploration Center and Aquarium -Newport Rhode Island

We had been meaning to check out the little aquarium in town but time has a funny way or eroding old ideas. However, today was the day we finally ventured to this little aquarium next to the bay. And it was so worth it!

We weren’t sure what the parking situation was but were happy to be told upon driving in and asking that part of the parking lot was sectioned off for the aquarium and free. So that was our first nice surprise. Admission was $9 for an adult and this place was… a little strange to figure out how to get in. We had to follow a bunch of signs through corridors before we found the ticket booth.

Inside we learned that this aquarium was basically an education center that housed various marine life and animals mostly from the bay but also in freshwater habitats nearby. The place was tiny but packed in every nook and corner with aquariums and displays. I was a little taken aback when the first thing I saw was a tank with three cowfish (labelled Buffalo Boxfish) in it. We have cowfish in New England?! Yes, but no, a guide answered. These were in one of several tropical fish tanks maintained at the aquarium where tropical fish dragged out of the bay found a refuge rather than freezing to death in the winter. Why are there random tropical fish in the bay? The answer was a bit hazy but basically, they’d got severely lost at some point in their life and washed up here in this cold gray hellscape where if they weren’t accidentally fished and then donated to the aquarium they’d just eventually freeze to death and die. There was quite a few of these “orphans” and I was surprised by the variety – they even had a puffer fish!

From here we were welcomed to the first touch tank. A guide handed us a periwinkle and told of about what sounds like the first issue we had with feral animals or rather non-native species. The little varmints apparently ate most of the plant life in the bay and left it permanently altered. We also got to hold a hermit crab and a welk. The welk was really weird. In the tank next to them there was an orange lobster whose life had been saved because he was such a bizarre color. He already looked cooked! Lobsters are generally brown.

As we made our way through the rest of the aquarium several guides gave us super in-depth information about their little section. We got to pet a stingray, a dog fish, a disabled horseshoe crab who was a permanent resident, and even a piece of seaweed which was rigid and not at all slimy. Blew my mind. We got to see their shark breeding program – so many baby sharks and developing eggs! We also met a series of octopuses who were REALLY good at hiding, some sea horses (we have sea horses in new England?! Apparently!) and a tank full of adorable shrimp. Later we’d get to the freshwater tanks and see several species of turtles and frogs. The snapping turtle was found wandering lost in the bay and I found his lack of direction just as endearing as his extra toes. You guys, there was a POLYDACTYL SNAPPING TURTLE. How great is that!

All and all we got QUITE the lesson from the various guides and learned that the center will be moving soon to a location 7 times the size. We will be back when they do! All and all it was a great little place to check out and my only lament is there were no lump suckers which are my favorite local marine fish but who knows maybe they’ll get some after they move! And hey, if you’re here in the winter the Save the Bay people also do seal tours.

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Stratford Antique Center – Stratford CT

Of course, I couldn’t go a week without checking out a different antique mall. This one was a two-hour drive and worth it because it was an unending Byzantine labyrinth of all sorts of oddness. That was 16,500 square feet and 200 dealers worth of strange. Loved every second!

As with any of these adventures the shop soon came out with the theme of the day: animals that should be featured on a meme reading, “You know what a *something* looks like, right?” Whether they were old folk art paintings, weird stylized sculptures, figurines, or random artifacts there was all sorts of bizarrely created animals – each and every one of them looking at least a little bit off. One of which neither one of us could identify read cryptically, “cat.” Sure. That’s what that was.

There was the usual assortment of dolls, clowns, and Old Timey racism but also a number of art pieces and various paintings and wall hangings that could satisfy any decor. There was even one of two babies “sleeping” with a doll that probably didn’t kill them. We spent a few hours picking through the isles, booths, and glass cabinets. It was a really decent spread! All sorts of things! Even a figurine of a black gentlemen dressed in the Victorian era’s finest to offset the other racist garbage. I love to see someone celebrating minorities that did succeed (and just because history has largely made sure that didn’t last and forgotten them doesn’t mean they didn’t exist at all.)

So that’s where I’ll end this blog entry. If you happen to be in the Stratford CT area or are looking for a big place to go picking this seems to be a good bet!

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Yankee Flea Market – Palmer MA

The Yankee Flea market was another fun stop because it is enormous with over 200 vendors. As such you never know what you’re going to find! We spent quite a while here picking through the various booths and finding everything under the sun. The great thing about a place with this many vendors is that you’ll find not just a large variety of items but also price ranges. There’s something for everyone! And I came home with a jar of marbles since I have stopped taking marble photos at every location. I guess at the time I didn’t feel particularly encouraged to do so but it was a cute little signature of mine.

We picked through creepy clowns, dolls with vaguely threatening auras, cow creamers in the midst of an existential crisis, bad taxidermy, cast iron everything, hilarious Disney knock offs that looked just the slightest bit off, a model of a human spine, a marshmallow man with a changing face, and even an Old Timey Bottle reading “Cathartic Compound” which I am sure was something that throw you on your ass. Oh, and random “Pin the Pistol on the Cowboy” game and a mug with a naked woman and a wobbly butt. Very weird but hilarious. There were even a couple booths that appeared to be maintained by artists selling their works which is always lovely to see. You get out there!

All and all this was definitely one of the larger venues I’d go back to in a few months or years when everything has rolled over again. Fun fun!

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