This place came out of the blue for me. My travel companion gave me an address to drive to but didn’t say what it was so I was a little surprised it was not another antique store but rather a tiny shop full of dead things. Signs outside said goths were welcome. Okaaaaay…
Inside was a tiny shop set up in a retro circus freak show sort of way. In a series of curios cabinets there were bizarre taxidermy, sarcastic pins and patches, mildly radioactive earrings, and a large silver serving platter full of human teeth! Only incisors.
We bought two grab bags labeled “shit” to be supportive of such an odd shop since we didn’t have the cash to buy the toaster in a bathtub taxidermy duckling. They were full of delightfully weird stickers. Who knew Plaistow was such a fun town! This seemed like the perfect stop after Zoo Creatures… like going from an exotic pet store to the afterlife of an exotic pet store. Fun for all! If you’re unapologetically weird.
Having just come from “the least suspicious fish store” in New England my companion decided to bring me to the most suspicious record store just to bring a sense of balance to the day.
When I drove up to this place I wasn’t even sure it was a store. Another guy loitered outside with question marks floating over his head. A sign on the door said call to ring the owner and give him a couple minutes to get to the door. I’ve been to places like that before. It’s always sooo awkward… The guy loitering seemed infinitely relieved we’d also shown up to poke at things. Makes it less awkward you see. Comradery!
As we walked in I was met at first with a wall of nostalgic toys and board games. This place was exactly what I expected from the sign outside… clearly someone’s personal collection that got a bit out of hand and now occupied a weird little basement store.
My companion was immediately distracted by a Dungeons and Dragons board game. Had this satanic panic beloved past time not started as a board game? I guess not. The box was inspected with befuddlement as if it was some sort of blasphemy coffin.
As we inched farther into this crammed space we saw oodles of weird vinyls, a pile of random cast iron cookware, a light smattering of minstrel references (which I am deeply hoping was there to make white customers uncomfortable, you know doubling down on the awkward) as well as a series of bizarre knickknacks, a giant bowl and ball made of welded keys, and more weird records. I don’t know if this place takes part in Record Store Day but it should! It’s goddamn perfect for it. It had everything from a limited edition of Wicked to the California Raisins, to Pacman’s completely unwarranted musical debut next to the soundtrack to a B-rated zombie movie no one’s ever heard of. This place was dangerous. I could come home with half this entire collection. Mixed with the peculiar there was also well known albums cheap albeit deeply loved beforehand. I had to stop myself when I spotted Janis Joplin’s Pearl album. Siiiiiiigh, not today, though God forbid I come back on a day I have some spare spending change!
So would I suggest this place? Sure, but I’d deffinately also advise to bring a good gaggle of friends, fellow weirdoes who’d like this sort of thing. If you’re reading this you know the type.
It seems like every time I feel like we’ve seen it all something else pops up that’s amazing and weird and 100% worth the long drive. That’s what happened when we drove up to yet another antique store (waiting for the warm weather to open up some outside options.)
We’d been to so many antique stores but this one was settled in the center of an old mill city and was HUUUUGE and clearly not what this space was originally used for. It meandered for what seemed miles with weird nooks, corners, rooms, entire whole floors, and the antiques were absolutely bonkers. SO MUCH WEIRD.
We stopped by this salt and pepper shaker shaped like a monk and a nun and my companion asked, “Why does it look like a pod person whose soul has been sucked out?” I couldn’t hold back the nervous half-triggered laugh of some one whose watched and been scarred by The Dark Crystal.
The day had been full of our fun little games: How Racist is this? You Know What a ____ Looks Like Right? And of course, What the Fuck is That?! My companion has roped in a gaggle of D&Ders to enjoy these games with us, taking photos and sharing them to long distance giggles and bewilderment. Initially what started all this was the fact this place was full to the brim with nightmare fuel.
I have become accustomed to haunted dolls but even I was alarmed to find a set of toddler twins still in their perspective boxes, complete with a menacing grin, more than a little side eye and their own bundle of red balloons looking like twin baby Its. Stephen King would be proud.
The creepy dolls were endless. There were ancient dolls with cracked faces, doll heads in tea cups, and even a cabbage patch doll head – sold separately from its body! I never knew they were sometimes sold by the head.
But there was also a ton of terrifying masks and paper mache creations that’d put the fear of Piñata in you. It was also a day for chasmatic chairs – including a solid mahogany shitter. The label said “throne.” This was near a three foot tall anthropomorphic poodle holding a serving tray, a pancaked pheasant on a wall mount, a candle holder that was actually half a gold horse leaping out of the wall, and painting I could only describe as, “A conversation piece.” To which my companion retorted, “Yeah, if you want every conversation to start with ‘What the fuck is that?!'”
We were in this one mall for hours. I kinda wish I was a picker and knew what I was looking at… or had a house and some money to invest in some more conversation pieces. Someday I’ll have a home of my own, at the end of a dirt road, and half the town’s children will think I’m a witch. Their parents will tell them to stay away from my house after walking into it one day and realizing a huggable baby baphomet sitting above the coat rack was the most normal thing they saw there. I look forward to this. To being “eccentric.”
This week’s adventure brought us to Umbrella Factory which FaceBook has been suggesting for a few weeks before it was again suggested by my hiking buddy that explored the Freetown State Forest with me. I admit I didn’t know what it was… but just the fact it came so highly recommended was all I needed.
My travel companion was even more confused. He thought we were going to an actual factory that makes umbrellas. Not quite. It was another one of those quirky little places nestled in what seems to be a residential neighborhood. There were No Parking signs half a mile up the road so this place must get craaaaazy busy.
To be honest I didn’t know what to expect either as I was just given the vaguest idea of what I was going to. And when I drove in and saw a sign reading “general store” I was like oh boy, here we go again. The general store was more of a gift store. It was small, in what looked to be a repurposed house, but boy did it have the best selection of random funny things I have seen in a long while, if ever. Far from the usual Live, Laugh, Love signs this place had everything from jokey bumper stickers, to ironically named soap, to classic rock inspired Tarot cards, and the perfect assortment of gag gifts for anyone with an off sense of humor. There was even a series of angry candles with scents that included Fuck Around & Find Out and Fuck Your Abortion Law. When the candles start getting pissed maybe it’s a sign old white men should stop legislating uteruses. Just a thought.
Upstairs seemed like a totally different adventure. Here there was a whole floor dedicated to simple musical instruments like thumb pianos and thunder tubes. Beyond them was a room full of various African art. LOVED the rooster by the way. And my companion? Well, he blew through the duck caller and when it quacked he jumped so that was funny all around. And I got to play with a wooden xylophone which always makes me stupidly happy (even though I have exactly no musical talent.)
After this we went outside and out back there was a little courtyard type thing with a flower garden, a booth for a silhouette artist, a little cafe, and some free-range chickens. Oh, and a paddock of emus. Which were thumping away. I love the weird drumming noise the females make. It’s something else. Really rubs in how much of a dinosaur those birds are.
“Where are their arms?”
“…They’re birds they don’t have arms… you mean wings? They have vestigial wings. They’re only like half a foot long though.”
I forgot how much I enjoyed free range chickens. Their behavior is so different from penned ones. So much more relaxed and happy.
Out here there was also a bamboo forest. Now I have fought bamboo my entire life. Once that shit starts growing it’s nearly goddamn impossible to kill it and it spreads and uuuuugggggghhhhh. However, I’d never let my patches of bamboo grow into a forest, nor even seen a bamboo forest before. It was… really weird. Almost like climbing through grass if I were an ant. There was a little maze out here in the bamboo with a rudimentary shelter of sorts made of stacks of the stuff. I must say it was a unique experience.
Also within this veritable little village of weird house shops there were a few hippie boutiques as well as a shop for indigenous art that seemed to be run by the local tribe. That was cool. I always like to see that.
Throughout all this we found a lot of weird things but no umbrellas for sale (‘least we missed them.) It was an adventure best summarized by my companion’s comment, “I wasn’t expecting emus today.” No, because no one expects emus.
This antique store was the reason we ended up going to The Dinosaur Place – because if we didn’t like the dinosaurs there was always an antique store to pick up the flak. We did very much enjoy both but ooph! This antique store would have been worth it just as a singular destination.
When we walked in it was…. swank. A large building with everything neatly arranged and tasteful music playing softly in the background. You know the sort of place you might wonder if you won’t be kicked out for loitering like that last antique store I ventured into on my own… but the old man at the counter was very sweet and told us all about the basement we should also check out. First though we’d poke at some terribly dramatic Gothic looking furniture and play with some terrifying dolls (an antique store without properly haunted dolls is a failure in my eyes.) And then we stumbled into THE FROG ROOM. A whole room dedicated to frogs! And it just made me so happy. What’s not to love about a swarm of adorable frogs?? Actually, it reminded me of my grandmother. She had hundreds of them in her house… I’d spend hours as a child counting them. Frog bric-o-bracs, frog salt and pepper shakers, frog wall art, frog lawn ornaments… frogs, frogs, frogs. Can’t beat it!
But after this we decided to go check out that basement. And WOW. Yes, it was much larger and seemed to be miles of random antiques. This was more what we were used to. Had a COMPLETELY different feel than upstairs. We poked around every corner – through trees of weird hats, many jars of marbles, and then at the very end we found the trifecta that hit all three categories of shit I like to find. It was a creepy doll, a clown, and racist as fuck. A minstrel doll. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT THIS IN THEIR HOME?!
We had to have spend a good hour or two down there. The perfect way to round off the day.
I admit I don’t do too many eateries on this blog – but it’s not because I am not a foodie at heart, it’s just I usually can’t afford it. WELL, last night I was along for the ride and what a ride it was!
I have nothing against Warwick RI but it is a very busy built-up area humming with plazas filled with the usual chain stores and restaurants. Because of this I wasn’t expecting this new place to be any different but WOW… it was different alright!
The Tree House Tavern runs out of a repurposed 1800’s farmhouse which does in fact have a tree house out in the front yard. The parking lot is…. as a friend would say “Byzantine.” A real confusing jumble of possible parking spaces that somehow works. And once we popped out of the car and started to look around we realized just how odd and unique this place was. Set aside from a very busy roadway it was like we just fell down the proverbial rabbit hole. This didn’t look like anything else in the area. Bedecked with fairy lights to the hilt and supporting an odd country chic it beckoned us to come in. Inside the ceiling was absolutely plastered with brightly colored and open umbrellas mixed with other eccentric decorations. It was…. distracting but only in the most wonderful way.
We were given the choice of indoor or outdoor dining and we decided to go outside. It was a gorgeous evening after all. And so we found ourselves nestled outside amongst a series of little entertainment centers. Little firepits were everywhere, it looked like baskets full of snuggly blankets were on stock for chilly Autumn nights around these fires. There were several more private areas including a little patio with seating for a single couple. Flowers bloomed everywhere amongst even more fairy lights and chaotic decoration.
We sat down across from a somewhat judgmental deer head mounted on the wall of a little roofed outdoor area. Our waitress was young and perhaps a little new to the job but was excitable and happy. She handed us a menu and we gave it a once over. It didn’t have a whole lot of options but the ones that it did have were… something else. And what kind of food was on offer here? I guess my companion had it nailed with his description, “American Style Food Fuckery.” Pretty much the first thing I read was Sweet Potato Pizza and I was way too curious to even care what else was on there. I mean what on earth is a sweet potato pizza??? Meanwhile my companion was having a hard time deciding between a series of options which was made even more difficult when the waitress suggested a special of a crabcake surf and turf. Ultimately that’s what he chose and ended up with half a cow on his plate. No complaints here.
But first we had to try the appetizers! They had a plate of honey orange wings so we went for that, saying that maybe if they were good we’d come back and try the most adventurous appetizer on the menu – the peanut butter and jelly wings. We didn’t wait long at all before they were brought out and they were hands down the best wings I have ever eaten. And I am usually not a fan of wings (I mean there’s not a hell of a lot of meat on them.) They were crunchy, warm, delicious, and STICKY. Holy crap were they sticky! I had an ex once who would get pissed off with me for having sticky hands and this sort of thing would have made him flip right the fuck out. As such it gave a deep perverse joy to be making such a mess. That’s bliss right there. And the waitress was sweet enough to bring out some wet naps for after.
I could have walked out right then and there and been happy but no… there was more. As we waited for our entre I admit I was doing some eavesdropping of other guests and the absolutely bonkers conversations being had fit right in with the decor. My favorite was a whole discussion on a summer camp for horses where humans weren’t allowed and could only reach it by dirt bike after leaving their cars and horse trailers behind. A summer camp for horses. Now I’ve heard it all.
And then the waitress brought out a huge show and tell platter full of desserts to show some of the other patrons and I was just sitting there with my jaw agape. So many absolutely beautiful desserts to choose from! According to their website they rotated and changed depending on the mood of their baker on any given day (and SERIOUSLY how cool a job would that be to just bake whatever the fuck you want from day to day?? The freedom! The creativity!) Oooh lord, we’d have to save room for something delectable.
By the time our main course came out I was already having a wonderful time. My pizza was beautiful – a thin crusted prosciutto pizza with little cubes of sweet potato smattered about for some color and maybe to a lesser extent some flavor. My companion’s half a cow and a crabcake was also beautifully presented and he seemed to be enjoying it to the hilt.
We tried to eat slowly to save room but to be totally honest I was already mostly full from the appetizer! So I ate 2 slices of my pizza and waited for my belly to settle a bit. And when the dessert tray came out there was a lot to choose from – from a rather ordinary vanilla creme brulee, to a S’more cheesecake, to some sort of mutant whiskey filled chocolate ball, to some sweet little macaroons. I let my companion decide on something to share because honestly I would have accepted anything on that platter (save for the whiskey thing as I am not fond of the taste of booze. Yick!) We ended up with some sort of pink cake with green stuffing. It was a berry cake of some sort? I don’t know. It was cute looking and damn was it moist and delicious! Another win.
We were so full by the time we left I am pretty sure we were both waddling like penguins. And we had spent so much time there the mall closed. We’d actually came to run an errand at the mall – this…. was a distraction. A fantastic one at that!
ANYWAY. This was a delightful adventure. I’d HIGHLY recommend this place, especially if you’re looking for something “a little different.”
Our trip to Cape Cod was one of those last-minute things where we really didn’t know what we wanted to do… so we decided to fill up our National Park Passport with stamps. That being said we ended up stopped in traffic in front of Buddha Bob’s only a little down the road from Salt Pond which was our real destination. And this place looked so bizarre that we decided right then and there it needed more investigation.
It was… a trip. WELL worth the detour! I parked in front of a Bigfoot wearing gold chains and that’s where we started. Have you ever been to a little shop that has no idea what it is? This would have been that. It was part rock shop, part lot for eccentric yard and garden ornamentation, part commissioned junk shop. As such we found everything from a pair of bronzed baby booties, to Buddhas of every conceivable size, to LOTS of pretty rocks inside, to a pair of Turkish looking marionettes (perhaps haunted!) to a rather fetching (if totally rusted) statue of Achilles. Fuck knows my Achilles heel is… Achilles himself. That’s how I ended up writing a whimsical satire about his teenage years but I digress.
Buddha Bob’s was an adventure for sure. No one quite knew what would be around each corner and to my great delight the people running the shop were just as unrepentantly weird as the shop itself. This was my kind of place. And my travel companion lucked out by buying two hematite rings for $1.88. I know in previous entries I have been a little dubious about the whole hematite ring thing but I guess it’s not so bad if each replacement is less than a dollar… This was my happiest tourist trap yet. FEEL THE WHIMSY!
I know I have written about the Rhode Island Antique Mall before, several times in fact, but I continue to blog about it because there’s always something new to find here no matter how often we go or with whom. It’s always a fun little adventure!
This time around we were a group of four just poking at random things on both floors. As usual there was a delightful assortment of what I can only kindly call “folk art” of strange badly formed animals. And of course what antique store isn’t complete with at least a couple paintings that look like they could be totally haunted? It was light on the soul-sucking dolls on this particular day but what it lacked in that department it made up for in vintage Victorian porn which was everywhere. There was even a weirdly homoerotic postcard of presidents Lincoln and Washington in a seemingly forced embrace. Was this… the beginning of slash fanfiction?? We may never know. What I do know is that the speculum on display in our last visit seems to have been sold, luckily not with the Cat O’ Nine Tails that was next to it. That would have concerned me that there may be a serial killer in the area if they both sold to the same person.
At one point myself and one other in the party decided to play Racially Insensitive Bingo and we browsed to see the most offensive antiques we could find, marking off our imaginary cards with each ethnicity. It wasn’t long before we found something godawful for everyone… a wine corkscrew in the form of a faceless black figure (which got double points for also being sexually offensive,) some cigar-based paraphernalia with the familiar Indian chief, lots of literally yellow slant-eyed Chinamen, and for added flavor a few Gypsy fortune tellers. I don’t know why anyone in this day and age would want to touch any of these things with a ten-foot pole but OK…
All and all it was another great trip and I still highly recommend this place if you like wandering through isles of creepy old things. And the turn over is shockingly high making each trip a new experience!
On our first evening walking down Market Street I looked up and noticed a two-headed calf in one of the windows. The business that it was drawing attention to was closed but I had to know more. What kind of place would used a two-headed cow to draw in customers?? As it turns out it was a tattoo parlor and curiosity shop. We vowed to come back in daylight which we did.
We all walked in to poke at the curiosities and although this was a small shop it had some weird things… mostly well done taxidermy dressed up in Victorian clothing. Odd but lovable. There was also a few steam punky things, some jewelry, and a reproduction of a two headed baby skeleton. It had a very freak show kind of feel to the place but in a good way. Like celebrating the weird and eccentric.
Sadly they didn’t have any flash on the wall that I could see so I have no idea what kind of tattoos this shop specialized in, if any. None of us got a tattoo soooo this will remain a mystery but it was definitely worth a little looksee either way.
Last week’s adventure was a little different as the entire point of it was to give some kids one last hurrah before the end of summer vacation which these days isn’t really as easy at it sounds… still I agreed to drive as mini golf sounded plenty reasonable to me. And monsters make for a fun theme in any event.
The adventure began when the GPS dumped us at a random busy intersection and all I could see were stores on every side of it. We drove for a while but didn’t see any signs. That’s when fate decided to step in when one of the kids suddenly needed a bandaid. This resulted in us driving into a nearby parking lot that housed a grocery store. The big surprise was finding out the mini golf was indoors, out back of the grocery store with only a few tiny signs letting people in to their existence. I don’t think we would have ever found it if it wasn’t for the bandaid incidence. Especially since I was looking for an outdoor venue. Being from the country I’d never heard of a putt putt golf green being indoors.
This place was interesting for sure. It was super dark and lit by black lights with bizarre neon murals dancing across the walls and all sorts of Halloween-like decorations everywhere. Up front there was a light smattering of arcade games. Not surprisingly there weren’t many people here. We were there quite a while and I think there were only three groups of people playing the course in all that time.
It was a surprisingly big course with lots of room for social distancing- although my ball turned out to be sticky for some unknown reason which made me desperately want my hand sanitizer but I get it. Anything held by children for any amount of time is going to be sticky. That’s one of the laws of nature.
All and all it turned out to be pretty fun. This was in part due to the fact I was almost as bad at it as the kids but to be fair this was only the second time I’ve ever been mini golfing. The kids seemed to be enjoying themselves which is all that mattered.
After we finished the course we let the kids play Spy in a big laser filled box. Weird game but creative and they seemed to like it. It was a sweet little outing and just the right amount of activity for me who was having my ass kicked by a non-Covid related bug at the time. This place was just the right amount of weird and obscure and I’d happily recommend it if you have children to entertain or need an idea for a cutesy date.
