The Brass Monkey is not the type of place I usually write about in this blog but I was lured into it after seeing a cool octopus bowl in the window. Indeed this place was FULL of cute little octopus things, beach chic, owls, and chickens. It was an odd, colorful, and sweet assortment.
Also they had hats, lots of hats! I wish I looked good in hats… but alas I don’t think I do. So off I went to check out their humerous hand fans, their delightful assortment of couch pillows, and the lobster trap decorated with dozens of guady Christmas ornaments.
Again this was a lovely place for tourists to wander if you have the money for a middle class vacation like people used to have in the 90s.
After enjoying a few hours in the Antiques Marketplace we wandered back out onto the streets and got lost looking for a hot dog stand but before that we realized there’s another antique store right here! Clearly, we had to check it out. Especially with such a razzle dazzle name. But we were kind of a bit burnt out and hungry but when in Rome, or rather Putney CT….
We were greeted with another large store with rows upon rows of glass cases. Most of their contents were pretty normal – mostly bricabracs and whatnot fir the rich grandmother in all of us but then we came across a box of Jarts! Gawd, did they look terrifying. A convenient way to murder your little brother or sister while making it look like an accident. “We were just playing! I swear!”
Weird and very charismatic chairs were scattered about – furry chairs, chairs with weird art deco designs, chairs that could sit alone in the middle of the room and make anyone visiting blurt out, “BUT WHY?”
And then came the all too familiar trickle of racist bullshit including several different copies of Little Black Sambo proudly on display. This quickly devolved into a case and a half of Nazi bullshit. We sighed. I didn’t bother taking a photo. Honestly this sight just made me tired. More helmets, more random loot, more shiny swastikas. Some things should just stay in the past, dead and forgotten. If only.
We then took a trip into the basement which had some more bargain finds. Things started to get more delightfully bizarre from there starting with more creepy dolls including a decapitated ventriloquist dummy, his head sitting on his lap??? Probably by no small coincidence this is the same area of the shop I kept seeing a cat sized void of color darting about at our feet like it was keeping tabs on us. I never give attention to weird shadows and phantoms, though I see them fairly regularly. In a place like this they could be attached to any one of these artifacts, its a hazard of the trade. I made no note of its existence as I ambled onward.
Back upstairs again and I was greeted with a whole cabinet of fruit shaped kitchen ware, an absolutely darling dresser painted to look like the front of a Volkswagen bus, the head of a manniken all punked out with a Christmas light Mohawk, and of course who could forget the absolutely terrifying leather gorilla in attack position with glinting white teeth or the worst doctored nude I have ever seen? A black and white photo of a topless woman with tattoos randomly cut and pasted over the image, I hope in the days before photo shop was a thing because WOW that wasn’t fooling anyone.
This was a nice way to top off the adventure we already had next door. Sort of like a happy bonus!
It seems like every time I feel like we’ve seen it all something else pops up that’s amazing and weird and 100% worth the long drive. That’s what happened when we drove up to yet another antique store (waiting for the warm weather to open up some outside options.)
We’d been to so many antique stores but this one was settled in the center of an old mill city and was HUUUUGE and clearly not what this space was originally used for. It meandered for what seemed miles with weird nooks, corners, rooms, entire whole floors, and the antiques were absolutely bonkers. SO MUCH WEIRD.
We stopped by this salt and pepper shaker shaped like a monk and a nun and my companion asked, “Why does it look like a pod person whose soul has been sucked out?” I couldn’t hold back the nervous half-triggered laugh of some one whose watched and been scarred by The Dark Crystal.
The day had been full of our fun little games: How Racist is this? You Know What a ____ Looks Like Right? And of course, What the Fuck is That?! My companion has roped in a gaggle of D&Ders to enjoy these games with us, taking photos and sharing them to long distance giggles and bewilderment. Initially what started all this was the fact this place was full to the brim with nightmare fuel.
I have become accustomed to haunted dolls but even I was alarmed to find a set of toddler twins still in their perspective boxes, complete with a menacing grin, more than a little side eye and their own bundle of red balloons looking like twin baby Its. Stephen King would be proud.
The creepy dolls were endless. There were ancient dolls with cracked faces, doll heads in tea cups, and even a cabbage patch doll head – sold separately from its body! I never knew they were sometimes sold by the head.
But there was also a ton of terrifying masks and paper mache creations that’d put the fear of Piñata in you. It was also a day for chasmatic chairs – including a solid mahogany shitter. The label said “throne.” This was near a three foot tall anthropomorphic poodle holding a serving tray, a pancaked pheasant on a wall mount, a candle holder that was actually half a gold horse leaping out of the wall, and painting I could only describe as, “A conversation piece.” To which my companion retorted, “Yeah, if you want every conversation to start with ‘What the fuck is that?!'”
We were in this one mall for hours. I kinda wish I was a picker and knew what I was looking at… or had a house and some money to invest in some more conversation pieces. Someday I’ll have a home of my own, at the end of a dirt road, and half the town’s children will think I’m a witch. Their parents will tell them to stay away from my house after walking into it one day and realizing a huggable baby baphomet sitting above the coat rack was the most normal thing they saw there. I look forward to this. To being “eccentric.”
On yet another jaunt into the great blue yonder we happened by Fab Finds listed as an antique store. Though quaint and charming I wouldn’t have personally categorized it as such. It was more a country decore kinda of place with well arranged displays highlighting a number of quirky babbles, folk art, wall hangings, and a smattering of furniture. The place had a deffinate vibe. Think country chic meets grandma core with a few degrees of fairly moneyed queer kitch. Lots of bedazzled things, lots of little ponderous objects that seemed their own statements of confused wonder. I took a photo of a cherub head looking ominously from the center of the room. One of my companions took a close up photo of the same cherub and it looked… innocent. It was a fun and spontaneous game of Perspective!
Would I suggest this place? If you happen to be in or near Foxboro and this is the vibe of your abode sure! Check it out. Otherwise maybe not. It was VERY niche.
I thought there were more buildings on the property when I was checking out Fairground Antique Market so I drove around the weird dirt parking lot until I found two more antique stores. One was closed on that day but this one was open so I checked it out.
The front of the building had very worn signs so I guess this place is older than the hills. I walked in and was pleasantly surprised. It was a large building with careful displays and lots of walking space. The antiques were mostly modern and were mixed with junk shop items like a library full of DVDs. There wasn’t a lot here but what was here was very decently priced! In the back there seemed to be a second whole building filled with very well preserved furniture for jaw droppingly cheap prices. Most were hovering around $250. I’m talking hutches, display cabinets, dressers, wardrobes, an ice chest, writer’s desks, really anything you’d find in an old farmhouse and some were quite unique like the wardrobe with huge Gothic arches and the very niche bread baker’s cabinet which had a flour dispenser, a kneading table, and other cool bread making features. Two carousel horses and a bunch of smaller items were scattered about as well.
I would deffinately suggest this place to anyone looking for real wood furniture for extremely affordable prices. This place made me wish I had a house to furnish!
I have driven by this antique mall hundreds, if not thousands, of times as I travel to Keene for various errands but I never stopped in because the outside of the place looks confusing and uninviting. These days this doesn’t bother me, I’ll still poke around, buy in previous years I wasn’t so adventurous. This time around I decided it was time and drove into their dirt parking lot that promised antiques through various signs. I parked near a door I thought was the entrance but alas it wasn’t and I had to hop and skip around a number of icy puddles around the building to get into the correct door. I wasn’t expecting much but this place turned out to be huge and filled to the brim with all sorts of neat things.
There were a few probably haunted dolls, oodles of absolutely bizarre knick knacks, a delightful smattering of cast iron, a herd of Breyer horses (appaloosas to be exact,) two black Raggedy Anne dolls, a depressed Gothic Raggedy Anne doll, a series of old toasters that looked like they’d work better as inciniary devices, and some fun vintage hats and clothes including a lacy Victorian child’s nightie that looked fit to be buried in. You know, ghost clothes.
This store also did well what it didn’t have – no N@zi bullshit, not a single item I could find, no “Chinamen” type bricabracs, no weird Native American stuff clearly made by white people, and no mammies! Hell, I only found one racist doll that looked like a Yeti doing a minstrel. At least he had character.
Every time I go to a place like this I tell myself I need to educate myself on what’s actually valuable so I can start a career in picking. I sometimes flip through cases of old vinyl records hoping to find gold but this place oddly didn’t have many vinyls. And my phone had no internet or reception in the building so I couldn’t even look it up if I found something. I was however really drawn to this particular cast iron cauldron I found. It was $125 and I couldn’t really justify spending that much but boy it was weird and beautiful. After I got home I looked it up and found out it was an early piece from Fall River Massachussetts, produced at a mill that burned down in the 1920’s after nearly a century of production. There was a mint condition one selling on ebay for seven and a half grand. WHAT?! I didn’t even know cast iron could have that kind of value! I mean this one wasn’t in mint condition as it was clearly used and loved with chips along the rim but there’s a huge gap between $125 and $7,500+! So I went back the next day and bought it. And while I was looking through this place again I found a cast iron ladle in another booth and they looked so fetching together it came home with me too. I guess I’m probably an honorary witch now.
The cashier was sweet and asked if I had an old house to put my new purchase in. I smiled broadly and said, “Not yet!” But I do have a terrible fondness for houses from the 1700’s, especially shakerbox style, and if it still has a fireplace this cauldron would be a hell of a showpiece to put in it. She warned me such places are money pits, she knows because she owns one, and I laughed. I know, but it’s worth the ghosts that probably haunt them. I know these days my daydreaming might seem a bit childish when the world feels like it is collapsing around me, but it’s these moments that make life worth living and memories of these moments no one can take away.
Anyway… If you’re looking for a large place to pick through and maybe find your own treasures check it out! It’s not only large but there’s two other antique stores across the parking lot. Make a day of it and be happy.
For the sake of making Catching Marbles more accessible this is the first blog entry which I am trying to post a reading of the entry to listen to. So, if you are so inclined enjoy, otherwise feel free to read it yourself and look at all the pretty pictures! Much love! ~Theo
Provincetown has been on my bucket list for a number of years, but I didn’t really know what to expect. All I knew was that it was a long drive and whomever I brought with me had to be really cool with a whole lot of shit. No prudes, no relatives, just merciless sarcasm and innuendo, like an episode of Hazbin Hotel! (which if you haven’t seen it yet it’s on Amazon Prime. Go watch it. Right now.)
ANYWAY, why would I want to visit New England’s queerest corner? Why wouldn’t I?! I figured it must be a neurodivergent heaven! I mean 1 out of every 6 normal people define themselves as gay but if you only poll autistic people…. literally over 70% of us identify as various flavors of the rainbow. Basically, it’s a giant blinking bug zapper to people like me.
Be this as it may I did not know anyone in my circle wanted to go and was more than happy to take some hostages on this venture. So, with BF and BFF in tow we made our way to Commercial Street, which I am going to say now IS NOT MADE FOR CARS. Do not drive down it! You will be MOBBED with pedestrians and only able to go at max 2 miles an hour until you find a parking lot. The parking lot I found was $15 and came with an attitude. Was I just learning how to drive? No sir, your instructions just suck and it’s making me nervous you’re standing directly in front of my car while I park. I suspect the $20 parking just down the road came with less guff. And a hanging sculpture of a Great White at the entrance….
Now that that was settled we all got out of the car and started our ambling. This was going to be another adventure in ADHD. We were immediately distracted by gargoyles. Fucking GARGOYLES. So, we walked away from Commercial Street to figure out why on earth there was a tower full of gargoyles overlooking the town. As it turns out this was the Pilgrim Monument. For a cool $20 you could take an elevator to the top. Or you could pay nothing and just read the pretty plaques probably stating that the pilgrims first landed in P-town not Plymouth. They merely wandered off and settled in Plymouth.
From here we decided to go back to Commercial Street which was FULL of summer tourists and pride flags of all persuasions. Some of them even flew out of the eaves of Seamen’s Bank which made us all giggle like twelve-year-olds. To be honest everything here seemed to be written with a wink and a nod. Never have I seen an oyster bar so thirsty. “Real men eat it raw.” (I’m really starting to wonder how I am going to contain the rest of this entry within the PG range for the angry and decidedly prudish AdSense gods.) Especially since the first thing we saw was this alleyway covered in…. I’m going to say erotic art. And baby doll heads in cages. My kinda weird.
It wasn’t all adult oriented. We started off within the normal area of family friendly activities stopping by a candy shop and checking off another bucket list item – trying saltwater taffy. It was soft! And sweet… and… I don’t have much of a sweet tooth but I’m glad I tried it anyway. The orange flavored ones were the best. From here we wandered into a little hippie shop with T-shirts and hippie clothing, funny bumper stickers and the usual touristy shit, and a forbidden staircase to the above 18 crowd. Wait, what? You can’t just dangle a forbidden staircase; curiosity will kill the cat (but satisfaction will bring him back.) So, what was up there? A weird convenience store of dildos and hookahs and bongs and pipes and more adult toys… just an overwhelming blizzard of rainbow colors… and textures… and why does this dildo look like it’s made for a platypus? (If you know, you know…and if you don’t you probably shouldn’t google what’s up with platypus bits.)
ANYWAY. We came across a lot that afternoon. Much of it was perfectly tame like a T-shirt shop for funny T-shirts that “can be printed in 9 seconds! Just pick a design!” As well as galleries, so many galleries with such a range of topics. There was even one that was just hyper detailed photos of your eyes. Or someone else’s eyes, but I’m pretty sure the point was to make it your own. And there was an AIDS monument we accidentally found as well as another monument with a ship on it that I would have read if I weren’t also trying to run and catch up with my crew. Lollygagger.
The whole street seemed to be places to eat, dispensaries, adult stores, galleries, tourist traps, billboards for drag shows (dammit, I want to see Hedwig live now!) and a smattering of bookstores. One such bookstore I’m pretty sure was a fairy trap. My companions, also twelve at heart, said damn straight it is a fairy trap. It was down a long alley that was completely covered in vines. How is that not some sort of fae attempt at luring unsuspecting humans?! We’re all idiots because we walked right into it. And it was sweet! A little quiet used bookstore with some really interesting titles… granted a large selection for the LGBT+ community. I enjoyed it.
Then we ended up walking by yet another sex shop but this one had signs in the windows none of us could ignore. One was the shop’s name, “Toys of Eros: More toys than the devil has sinners!” One point for the Greek mythology reference, another for the blasphemy, can we make it any better? Oh yes, they can also have a sign on the door that says they won’t sell to bigots except with MUCH more colorful language. I want to post a photo I took of it on FaceBook but I’d have to censor 30% of the words. SIGH. And beside all that there were promises of a sex museum! Fine… we’ll follow the free candy sign into the big black van just this once. The sex museum was more of an entryway full of terrifying cake mixer looking vibrators. Did you know that the electric vibrator predates electrical outlets? They had to be plugged into light bulb fixtures! So, I guess you can diddle or have light but you can’t have both. They also had a merkin. Looked like a dead rat. And some other things. Of course, by this time we’re in the shop. Clever ploy sex nerds, clever ploy.
First, we saw the case of glass twat ticklers. Slightly terrifying but I’m sure they were phantasma-orgasmic. I was then distracted by a rack of leather puppy masks, which are just… so… perfect…. for wearing when you go back in time just to scare the hell out of people. Hey, no one said it had to be a sexual thing. Sometimes, intrusive thoughts need love too. You could totally be a cryptid. I believe in you. ANYWAY, back to the task at hand – there was a wall of whips and switches and floggers with which to fondle all under a flying mannikin descending from the ceiling on a sex swing. Speaking of uses against manufacturer’s instructions I knew someone once who hoisted her rottweiler into a tree with one of those so she could spray her bath-hating pup down with a garden hose. Try getting that image out of your head.
I think the store clerk was bored because at this point she approached us and started showing us a whole rack of pocket pussies. You may wonder why a gay man and a woman would entertain such a thing but I wasn’t going to walk away without poking at it and HOLY SHIT this feels more real than my own flesh and blood bits! Whaaaaat is going on here?! This is where morbid curiosity gets you. Pondering what decisions in life brought you to this exact moment. They also had some that were less hyper realistic and more demure – and by that I mean hidden in what looked like a coffee thermos. I’m just saying, if I opened up my thermos one day and the death of Adam stared back at me from with it… Well, it’d just make the whole rest of the day weird, you know. Awkward weird. Naked Lunch weird.
It’s OK though because past the trans-friendly corner there was a delightful selection of vibrating muff marauders. Again, the clerk made sure to turn on every one and hand them to me and my companions. So many speeds, and vibration patterns, textures, and sizes. Cute little ones and ones that looked like they were made by Black and Decker complete with attachments. Purple ones, pink ones, black ones, shiny ones. Ones that thrust as well as vibrated! Hell, there was even one that sucked. Quite literally. It was a suction device for lady beans. That one was called the Womanizer. Of course, hearing that I tried to goad the clerk into telling me what was the most offensively named product in the store but she shied away from my cheerful trolling. Shame. I would have enjoyed that list.
As we left the clerk let it slip she was from NH and I had to ask where exactly. This resulted in her asking where I was and when I told her she had the same not great opinion of my town. Said the only good thing about it was the Walmart and the people were miserable. Guys, I’ve been saying this for years, and everyone always says all small towns suck but low! I’ve never felt so validated in my life to meet a complete stranger who sees the unique shittiness of my hometown. BIG SIGH!
It’d been a long but fun day. We’d found food and places to poke at and were really just heading back to the car when we saw a young woman across the street sitting at a typewriter with a sign reading something like, “I’ll write a poem for you.” This intrigued all of us to varying degrees and we went to see what that was all about. In short order we found ourselves talking to her and telling her about our day to which she took a notecard out, placed it in her typewriter, and in the matter of a minute managed to concisely summarize our day with some pretty words. It warmed my Beatnik heart and provided a beautiful souvenir. We decided to give her $20 for her efforts. And you can follow her on Instagram! @sticky6wordbandit
It was getting late and we were heading back to the car but that’s always perfect for yet more distractions. This time we’d be playing with a bunch of dead bugs. There was a whole shop for them! Just… butterflies in frames… and weird creepy crawly keychains… Made my inner bug loving twelve-year-old very happy. And finally we wandered into a well-lit and empty gallery because we’d seen one of the paintings from the street that looked decidedly like an all-male orgy melted like candles into each other in some sort of acid induced hallucination. The other art ranged from beautiful and serene to more erotic scenes. Then there was a little sign pointing to a dark streetside staircase reading, “there’s more in the basement!” Another fairy trap. I wasn’t about to but after reading the sign aloud my companion said we should go down and a disembodied voice from the underworld yelled, “YEAH! YOU SHOULD!” You guys, no, this is definitely a fairy trap. We’re gonna be disappeared. But alas the basement was just a TINY room barely big enough for the three of us and the disembodied voice was the artist who swooped by and up the stairs with all the deftness of… well, I guess a fairy.
I really liked some of the really close up paintings of blueberries and fruit. Sadly, I didn’t have 2 or 3K on me. But none the less I wished him good luck as I popped out of his gallery and into the night. We all agreed that as fun as today was we’d still like to come back and see more. And so that’s how our day ended… with sweet beautiful whimsy and more than a little innuendo. Totally worth it.
Lately we’ve been trying to come up with new things to check out – when you’re always on the move sometimes you get to the bottom of the barrel when it comes to inspiration. I had however started to resume my exploration of independently owned pet stores after realizing that there are more out there than I gave them credit for and on this day my companion decided it might be time to check one out so we did.
I am not sure what the lure was for this particular one but as usual I was going just to see what they had and maybe get a betta fish or two if they had any girls. This was a small pet store with an even smaller parking lot but the outside was insane – completely glammed up in murals of animals. I was endeared to this alone.
When we went inside we were greeted by a counter full of locally made organic dog biscuits, which if I am to be honest looked like a human cookie counter. I mean the biscuits were frosted and huge! Further in we found a small corner of small animals, today mostly dwarf bunnies, and a room of birds behind a glass partition. Budgies, finches, a grey cockatiel, you know the standard fare. Out loose on a perch however was what I am guessing was the store mascot – a female eclectus. She seemed content. Although I do have a background in birds I never personally had an eclectus so I have no idea if this was an unusually mild bird or not.
The back room was where it was really going on though. There were a few fish, again standard fare, a rack of jarred bettas, some really cool but with no price tag so I didn’t ask. And then there was a number of tubs of juvenile fancy axolotls. Gawd where they cute. The rest of the room was even more impressive with some candy-colored corn snakes, some frogs, a big old tegu, and the most colorful bearded dragon I’ve even seen in my life. He actually had stripes of green and red. I took a picture but my cell phone camera sucks and did not register his full calico glory. And to be honest I wasn’t supposed to be taking photos as there was a sign up asking us not to in the reptile room. I get it, some of these animals are probably worth a lot of money and it’s best not to tempt robbers but still.. that’s an odd rule for a pet shop. I only broke it ever so slightly because 1) I probably won’t be back 2) I am ignorant to what the costliest critters were and 3) By the time anyone sees this blog entry their stock will probably be completely different anyway. I will note all the animals seemed healthy and clean and this place did not smell at all.
So, would I suggest this place? Sure, if you’re out for a unique reptile. As for anything else… ehhhh, maybe if you’re in the area. I honestly wouldn’t say this place was worth driving that far.
Our last antique store of the day was East Coast Props and Antiques which was a nice way to round out the day. It was much smaller than the other two places but I think it had a lot of charm. It even was selling bundles of sage just in case you were in the market for buying something haunted. It’s the little things that show how much you appreciate your customers.
My companion was happy to have found not just a few straight razors but a sharpening rock and a strap to go with them. Late 1800’s and well loved. I on the other hand was SUPER tempted by a tiny $16 teddy bear who was practically tatters and rags. He was both adorable and potentially cursed. What’s not to love?! Only reason I passed on him is I am still spending most of my free time battling asshole mice who keep eating all my cloth items. Maybe not the best environment for a teddy bear who is already only barely holding on to life.
The rest of the shop wasn’t without charm containing one of the weirdest vases I’ve ever seen adorned with cherubs with weird facial expressions and dubious intentions. There was also a disturbingly buff Saint Peter statue and a distressing little ceramic of a boy sitting on a clown (fireman?) lap that just seemed… off. Mostly because of the expressions on each’s face.
Finally, there was a toddler sized rocking horse on a high shelf pleading people not to sit on it…. WOW. I thought this was a lovely little shop myself even though it was on the smaller side. I felt it had a lot of personality.
Our second antique store of the day was Antiques at Edgerly Farm and it was on the swanker side, although certainly not as steep as the antique stores we have seen in parts of Connecticut! There were a number of cherubs about that I am sure someone would have loved. I however find the idea of a winged toddler a bit terrifying. Just WHY? Of all the things you could give wings to… A TODDLER?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
Not to be outdone there was a very expensive looking ceramic clown in the window which was just as jarring on the nerves. I was impressed by their wall of old tools. Something about it made me happy. It was a good display! I also really adored the ornamental wood stove.
As usual the attic had the more affordable and at times bizarre options the most unique of which was a birdhouse made from a stiffened denim glove. I also found a book called The AIDS Hoax from when AIDS was deadly proving that idiots have always existed in every generation. There’s a certain comfort in that.
Anyway, this shop may not have been as impressive as the last but it wasn’t underwhelming by any means. Definitely worth a checking out if you’re in the area or antiquing anyway.
